The closer it gets to mother the more anxiety sets in. I relive every moment of my mom’s death, funeral and thanks giving service like it was yesterday. It all still feels like an out of body experience.
I can feel panic setting in.
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Just try and hold on, deep breaths. We’re all here to help each other through tomorrow. This time tomorrow the day will almost be over. 
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I’m just going to do some cleaning and put a new bathroom cabinet up, and hopefully nap in between
I have had a similar experience,one of my oldest friends behaves just like yours…she’s been support In lots of ways, but some of her reactions and advice really hasn’t been great, I’ve just stopped talking about most of the things she doesn’t seem to help me with, I’m ok with it, our friendship is the same, I just realised she’s not the one to vent to.
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Thinking of you all
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I saw an angel sitting there,
as I was on my walk.
She stopped me in my tracks,
as she began to talk.
She told me she was lost,
and had been sent for a reason.
She said she had a purpose,
but was stuck in a season.
I could see she held a flower.
I asked who it was for.
She said she had forgotten,
Once she walked through heaven’s door.
I looked down at the flower.
I recognised its smell.
I went back to a memory,
when my mum was well.
I looked all around me,
it seemed I was lost too.
I had been so deep in thought,
I didn’t know just what to do.
I had cried so many tears.
I forgot that life went on.
I stopped looking ahead at time,
since my mum had gone.
The Angel gently touched me,
as she lifted up my chin,
and as our eyes both locked,
it was then we reached within.
“That flower you are carrying,
with the familiar Scent,
was a one that I picked for you,
on an outing that we went.”
The Angel then smiled,
as she stood from where she sat.
She said “it’s because of you
that I don’t know where I’m at.”
She said a Mother feels her children
and will search forgotten lands,
to find her missing off spring,
and to help them understand.
The living and the dead.
The future and the past.
She told me this was why,
we had to make our memories last.
We were meant to find each other,
and at that, she was … just gone,
but as I now looked around me,
I remembered where I’d come from.
J.Boyle art by Steffi Krenzek
#mothersday
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Well the nice roast dinner was just so stressful. My kids were a nightmare cooking it (they aren’t young either 23 & 22). My husband seems in a bad mood for some reason. Can’t say anything as my dad is here. It has been a horrible meal
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I’m doing a roast for tea I’ve been the cemetery and put flowers and stuff on mum’s plot, I’m taking my dad later if I hadn’t done that she would have nothing as my sister and brother have both said they won’t visit so I sent them a picture to let them know I’ve made the effort, me and the kids done it x
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Today has been so difficult, dinner didn’t go well. My husband feel out with me. So not been a great day. I miss my mom so much, my heart aches for her.
I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow, but I can’t tell them it’s my mental health. I don’t want them to think I can’t do my job. I just am so mentally and emotionally exhausted. I have nothing to give. I feel terrible
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Hi @Becca_d
Just a thought that all the stress we have put ourselves in today could have contributed to your day not going so well, it’s almost over now and I know I feel less stressed. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully you might feel just that little bit brighter. I hope this doesn’t sound like preaching, I just know how you feel, I wish I could listen to my own advice
Take care
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I talked to my husband tonight, I sent him what I talked about at my counselling session. He said he thinks I feel guilty for my mom dying, but I shouldn’t as I tried really hard. I just burst into tears. Maybe deep down I do feel guilty.
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The more posts you read on here @Becca_d the more you realise that most people have some kind of guilt, unfortunately I’ve been told by my counsellor that its all part of grieving, my guilt was very much at the forefront when mam first passed, but it’s slowly fading. Just be kind to yourself, its the grief talking, you shouldn’t feel guilty
Take care
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I’m so glad today is over and yeah you are right @Pixiecat about putting ourselves under stress so I tried so hard today to embrace the day I woke up this morning I sobbed my heart out opening my cards as I didn’t want too, we went to the cemetery and me and the kids put flowers and made mum’s plot look lovely ready for my dad when I was taking him in the afternoon, we went for brunch I sobbed, thinking about my mum, then I’d written mum a card and put it by her picture in my mum and dad’s, I thought about how far I’d come since last October then at Christmas when I couldn’t even write her a card even write the word mum, I was so proud of myself today getting through in one piece it wasn’t the day I’d of liked but I was with my girls, so that was my day, your also right about the guilt I felt so guilty near the beginning the fact I was here and mum wasn’t the fact I couldn’t save her from the illness that she’d been cured of them eventually it took her, but my counselling helped me through that, it help me get through the fact it’s not my fault she died, that I shouldn’t feel guilty for not being at work that I shouldn’t feel guilty for crying that I shouldn’t feel guilty for living that i had nothing to feel guilty about im grieving and im grieving for my mum that i loved with my whole heart and always will xx
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I need to explore these feelings with my counsellor, don’t have a session until next week. I am so tired & feel sick. I am up & dressed ready for work. Don’t want to go though. Don’t want to sit on my own for 5 hours 
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I’ve woken up after 3 hours sleep feeling lightheaded and feeling sick I think the stress took it out of me yesterday I’m going back to sleep for an hour or two before I have to take my dad the doctors look after yourself today dont you have a radiotherapy or something you could put on whilst your working play some calming music or something xx
Just kept my head down at work, trying to keep on top of paperwork. Been listening to music.
I just feel like none of this is real 
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Sending you a virtual hug I know how your feeling Becca apparently I should of started my phased return to work today but havnt told her I’ll do it next Monday I really don’t want to go back to bed honest I feel sick to my stomach xx
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