I know the feeling from when I wrote down my complaint. The anger is unbearable. That we have to do this and grieve too is really unfair and it makes me livid that the medical system has failed so many of us. 
And yes, I think it would be good to discuss it with your counsellor.
My session this morning was good. Talked about the group session the other night and took the booklet along. I said to my counsellor that I realise I haven’t been dealing with my grief too well and not facing up to it. So need to tackle it head on with her while I wait for the specialist bereavement counselling
I have been thinking about my grief and grief in general. It’s like an illness with no set pattern. It’s eating away at me and I am screaming inside 
I understand the description of “screaming inside”. The screaming for me is the grief, but also the pain of not feeling heard. I think once you start talking about it in your counselling, that will help - it might feel worse at first as the grief runs it course, but with something as powerful as grief, i think of it a bit like shaking up a bottle of fizz - it needs to come out! Im still waiting for my counselling to start, and i strongly feel i need to tell mine and mums story, all of it, from before she was ill right up to present day. My friends know what happened, they dont want me repeating everything. But i feel i need someone new to hear it, to relive it alongside me so that my head can process all the different traumas along the way, not just mums death. Only once all that has been examined do i think i could even contemplate discussing how i feel NOW or heaven forbid, the future. 
That’s why I think you should open up to your councillor more about your grief untill you do it’s just going to eat away at you Becca, but well done for discussing what you need to do with your councillor that’s the first step acknowledging what your needs are xx❤️
That is exactly how I felt I was screaming inside but no one could hear it no one could see how much I was suffering as pushed it aside Infront of certain people which made it worse for me, when I started my counselling it was so hard at first and as I had each session we unraveled a little more when I look back now to the beginning I can’t believe I was in such a dark place, now I’ve let it all out to my councillor I feel like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders that was weighing me down and I’m in a much better place than I was before I’m smiling I’m laughing I’m making plans I’m spending more time with my girls and I feel good about doing those things again I look in the mirror now and I can see me not someone else and it’s all thanks to friends I’ve made on her and my amazing counsellor who I have one more session with in 2 weeks xx
It’s so good to hear how you are now to where you were. I feel it’s all jumbled up in my head. I am in a desk place right now. Everything feels a mess
That’s exactly how I felt Becca untill I released it all now I can think straight I feel calmer inside don’t get me wrong I still have the odd day were it’s not great but I’m able to deal with them days better than before and that’s what the bereavement counselling will help you do unravel it all xx
I have just put an enquiry in with a solicitor about the care and treatment my mom experienced in the last 6 months of her life. I am so drained, it’s been a heavy week talking about my grief and doing all of this.
I am trying to make my brother a birthday cake and wish I had just ordered one from a professional.
We are at a big family meal tomorrow for his birthday. So trying to conserve my energy. I feel in a dark place right now.
Try rest up as much as you can today I had my first full day at work yesterday and didn’t stop from the minute I got in till I finished at 6 only stopped for dinner it was so busy with scripts then have my last 1/2 day on Monday x
I feel like my husband doesn’t get it. I feel
Like grief is driving a wedge between us. I know I should talk to him, but how about he says come on let’s talk.
I’m the same Becca the one person I thought would have supported me emotionally didn’t so I switched off from him I needed to talk to someone and he wasn’t there so I left him to pick up the slack with the kids as I couldn’t do it, but your married Becca for better for worse he should be helping you through this by sitting down with you and just letting you off load how your feeling xx
It could be that youre both waiting for each other to make the first move - he may feel at a loss as to how to support you, or he might be thinking he doesnt want to pressurise you to talk, he’ll wait until you’re ready. And i doubt he will ever FULLY get what you’re going through because your relationship with your Mum was unique, but you can help him to understand how youre feeling and you can tell what helps/what doesnt help. I know it must be hard to reach out and take the first step when youre so drained, but just talk to him, dont wait for him to make the first move❤️
We have had a bit to a chat. I told him to read the booklet that I got from the group session the other night. I said it might help him to understand what I am going through. I know I shut him out: it’s just to painful to talk about it.
That’s beautiful. I feel like I am sitting with grief. If feels tight at the moment.
We have been out for a family medal for my brother’s 50th birthday. The ended up being an empty chair as someone’s son didn’t come. I hated it. I felt sad, my mom should have been there. She was included int he numbers as it was booked a year ago.
I feel so exhausted and I am back to work tomorrow after the Easter break.
That must have been very difficult - a milestone birthday, and celebrated publicly, too. 
Yep. We have had so many occasions since my mom died & it has only been 7 months.
I feel drained. It was nice don’t get me wrong. Then a song played in the restaurant that I listen to and that made me sad. Iran Ed Sheeran song called visiting hours & is basically about heaven having visiting hours.
Everything feels a mess.
Ive got my birthday coming up soon and at the moment i think im going to switch my phone off and spend the actual day alone with my memories.
Ive been poorly most of the week, and really missed Mum just giving me that daily call to check how her little girl was doing.
Birthdays are tough, mine is at the beginning of Oct so it was just 5 weeks after my mom died. So I can totally empathise.
Just do what is right for you, we’re here if you need us. Sorry you have been poorly. Hope you feel better soon xx
