It’s difficult to articulate, but I feel like I knew my dad really well when he was here, and was really close to him, but now things are different and I feel like perhaps I don’t know him well, any more.
I feel like the dad I knew here on Earth was a part of me, and someone who was always there. An extension of me. Or I was an extension of him. But now I know that he is/was capable of dying, and that he existed before I did, and… it’s thrown me all off kilter.
It’s almost like I feel like I’ve been betrayed. Not by my lovely dad, but by life, I suppose. I loved my dad as a part of me, and now he’s not accessible in that old familiar way, and so I wonder whether I still know him…
I also don’t think that I do enough to recall his memory to mind. He is constantly on my mind, but it’s the sorrow and the loss that I think of. I want to recall him to my memory as if I saw him only yesterday and will see him again tomorrow.
The remaining family members (me, my mum and my 2 siblings) are really just going about like zombies, hoping that at some point either things will make sense, it will be less painful or, preferably, my lovely dad will walk into the house and explain that it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding, and none of what we believe has happened is true, and it was all just a horrible nightmare that we’ve now woken up from.
My dad is the most amazing man that I have ever known. I knew it while he was alive, too. He was just so damned lovely. I miss him so much .
I think I understand. Maybe it’s partly because we can’t ask them if we wonder or are uncertain about something whereas we could before. So everything feels less real in some sense, even our connection to them. And no matter how much you remember about them you can’t capture the essence of them when they aren’t there.
I too walk around in a daze. The only time I feel halfway ok is when I forget for a moment.
I took my dad out for breakfast today, we had a really lovely time. A Robin came into the cafe where we were. Felt it was a sign that my mom was there.
We both miss her so deeply. It’s been nearly 8 months. It has gone so fast, yet only feels like yesterday. I still feel utter disbelief that she is gone. I don’t know if I will ever get over it
I dont think we ever get over it - grief is our love for our lost one, and we’ll never stop loving so we won’t stop grieving. But i guess we learn how to live alongside it so that it doesnt destroy us?
Been a tough day - one of mums relatives passed away today - thats a whole generation in our family tree almost gone now.
I know that feeling! But if you start sharing your grief with your counsellor, it might help you feel heard. Finally got my first session starting next week! Plus have you looked into support groups in your area for bereaved people? I had a shaky start with mine but finding it really helpful now, because everyone is in the same boat and no one expects you to be “over it”
I am going to the bereavement group again next month. I talked to my counsellor the other day about it. There is just so much tied in with my grief because of what happened.
I don’t talk to my friends anymore about it as i don’t think they what to hear about it. It’s easier to day I am fine.
I am upset about church as well as I feel like they don’t care. I feel like giving up on it all.
Im the same, ive given up talking to friends because i always seem to get a response back that makes me feel worse! Dont give up - its just about findiing the right support network. And you know you can always be honest here! Its good that you’ve started talking to your counsellor. And what about your hubby - i know you said you werent really talking to him about it. Do you think it would help if you opened up to him?
I have been talking a bit more to him. I think I have made him understand that this is my grief and just because he is ok and deals with things in a different way to me. We process things differently and because I suffer with depression anyway that losing my mom has made me spiral. I know that feel alone and like no one cares is because I feel really depressed at the moment. It’s all so complex and exhausting.
Thats good that you’re starting to talk to him a bit more now. He’ll never fully understand what youre feeling - no one can truly, but even if he can accept and respect thats how you feel then thats a positive step Plus is he any good at hugs? Id give anything to have a ready supply of hugs available.
You won’t get over it but as time goes on you’ll learn to live life around your loss that’s what I feel like I’m doing now that I’m having to adapt my life differently now around the loss of my mum don’t think I’ll ever get over losing her as a part of me died that day as well, but with time you will learn to live again you just need to give yourself the time to do that however long it takes you there is no time limit to grief but the more you talk to your councillor about your grief it will start unraveling in your head xx
I’m so glad to hear you got your first session I had my last session last Tuesday got a bit emotional near had my counsellor in tears as well she was amazing, I hope your first session goes well xx
Well done @Becca_d for opening up to your husband. Talking about it can be so hard. I have been opening up to my closest ones as well. I thought it was so scary but they have all been so lovely and supportive. It doesn’t come natural to me but I’m pushing myself to continue to do as I know this will help me in the long run.
Don’t know if others recognise this. But I’m 42 and you would expect that somebody from my age would know how to look after and take care of themselves. It feels a bit as failing because I’m struggling so much.
I got up this morning went to the gym & had a swim. Had to make myself do it, first time today. Then all I have done is slept on and off. Haven’t gone to church today as just not in the right headspace. Not there next week either as we are having a family day as it would have been my mom’s birthday on 28th. This week has really mixed emotions.
A year ago on 26th we were told that she might have myeloma and that’s when things all kicked off. It was so stressful and scary. That’s not what she had, but a pre leukaemia that was low risk. But she was so poorly for months. Then as I have said before they found out the night before she died that she had metastatic ovarian cancer. We were told 2 hours before she died. So no time to process or come to terms with it. It still haunts me.
Hi everyone. I lost my mum 3.5 weeks ago and I thought I was coping reasonably well but I think I was just in shock. The last couple of days it’s started to really sink in and I don’t know how I’m going to cope without her. The funeral is on Thursday and I don’t know how I’ll manage.
Hi @Sue-123 i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. The emotions are still really raw for you. Just take things one day at a time, go with how you feel. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to be a certain way. It is such a rollercoaster of emotions. We are all here for you xx
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