Exactly this. 
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I know I need to speak with her GP a the hospital to try and understand what happens or didn’t happen. I think when i eventually get my 1:1 bereavement counselling I will be able to piece things together.
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Just when you think life can’t pick you in the guts anymore. My daughter didn’t get the job she really wanted. She had 2 interviews for it and then the company decided they weren’t going to run the apprenticeship 
. My daughter has been looking for work for 2 years. I just don’t know what to do anymore, i don’t have the energy for this and i just want someone to believe in her.
Me again. Just finding it all so hard. It’s been 9 months since my mom died. 3/4 of a year. Yet it feels no time at all. I am fighting to get through each day. Just miss her so much, nothing is going right at the moment and I need her. I don’t know how to wake up and get through another day with out her. 
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I’m having a bad time of it too. The very thought of tomorrows fills me with dread, because it’s day upon day without him in it. Time passes, but the dread doesn’t ease. Hugs you lots. 
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lm confused, i feel dread too the start of each day,
I dont know what to do with my guilt or how to carry on yet there is no choice i am on the antidepressants which seem to have stopped me from feeling that not being here is an option.
Although i am not really here and feel detached all the time when i am not needed i just retreat to my bed.
i have a constant narrative in my head and at the end of the day my head hurts and i just need to hide away.
sorry not sure why im posting . my mum died on the 26th of April I let her down i do not deserve forgiveness i cannot forgive myself. yes it is exhausting.
I read posts and see that grief is like a sledge hammer but I am sure that the people you have lost would want everyone to live life to the full you all seem such good people . I cannot say that about myself.
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It’s good that you are posting. Worse to keep all the dark thoughts in your head where they loop. Olive, to me you seem like a good person too, and kind. You wouldn’t feel such guilt if you were a bad person, if so you would just shrug it off. The guilt comes from caring so deeply. 
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I know how you feel @Becca_d - its 7 months for me now and i feel like the realisation is only just hitting that I’ve got to carry this the rest of my life. Without wanting to be melodramatic it feels like being given a diagnosis for some medical condition and realising this is going to be an ongoing part of you now. 
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Yep I get that @Ally6 . We have all just been at my dad’s doing the garden and I just felt so sad. My mom loved her garden, she had so many plans to make it nice and yes we will make it nice for my dad. But I miss her so much.
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yes its part of every waking minute on autopilot.
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@olive3 i am so sorry you feel like this. It is still so early for you and I can sense the pain you are going through. We’re here to listen and support. Have you been signposted to any bereavement counselling?
Sending lots of hugs
We understand the pain your going through as we are all on that journey everyone’s grief is completely different I found myself in a position where I I didn’t want to be here I wanted to be with my mum, I lost the will to function, I had to take 4 months off work as I couldn’t cope being with people, I was on that rollercoaster and literally on the edge wanting to jump, my friends on here have helped me through all that from the beginning by talking I eventually got my 1:1 bereavement counselling but those 10 weeks whilst I was waiting were a life saver I would never have got through it without the support on here everyday so keep posting it helps, I had 12 weeks counselling and my counsellor was amazing we unraveled everything in my head, I’m back at work I’ve been on medication for 6 months I’m able to function I rarely have flashbacks anymore I’m sleeping better, I went though most of the firsts, Christmas, mother’s day, my Birthday, Easter, but the worst is to come, mums birthday and her first anniversary but I now have the tools my counsellor gave me and I know I’ll be okay my mum is looking down on us everyday, I’m able to make plans and look forward to the future, but there is no time frame to do that, you just deal with it one day at a time Im gradually seeing me again but a new version and it’s a journey I will be on for the rest of my life until I’m back with my mum my best friend xxx
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I just want my mom. I want her here so she will say everything is ok. Everything feels a mess in my head, I can make sense of it all. I am tired.
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Hi Becca yes it seems like it would be so good to be able to wake up from this nightmare, my head hurts too and it is so exhausting. But another night and another day and tiny steps forward is the only way, this must pass eventually.
Im sure your mom is by your side and everything will be ok.
Take care.
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Does anyone else have moments like these? I am really tired today as I was out at a work do last night. But I am lay on the sofa and for a moment I forgot that my mom was dead and thought I would speak to her. That moment felt so real.
FYI - I only drank water.
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Yes. For brief moments I forget, but then it’s worse when I remember.
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Yes, the reality hits hard. It’s such a powerful emotion forgetting that it happened and feeling they are still alive.
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For brief moments when my phone rings I think it’s her and when I’m walking to my mum and dads my heart skips a beat because I know when I walk through that door reality hits because she’s no longer there, when I have news she’s the first person I used to tell and it hits all over again I’ve been a bit tearful this week as I look at her garden and see the flowers that she had planted the beginning of last year sometime start to bloom now and I so wish she was here now to see them. I often sit there and try and remember what we would of been doing this time last year and it dawn’s on me that it was beginning of July we found out she only had 6-12 months and she died in the October sometimes I still think it’s all a dream then I wake up and find it’s not and it hits me all over again I was doing so well but I have times when I hold back the tears untill I can no longer x
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Sadly i dont have those moments- i know the come down of reality must be horrendous, but id almost welcome even just a couple of seconds of my brain genuinely thinking that mum was here and everything is ok. Last week as i woke up i was half dreaming yet it felt like i was fully awake, and i heard noises in the bungalow, as if mum was pottering around in the kitchen and sweeping the floor outside my room. I knew it was a waking dream, but i just welcomed that blissful moment because it felt mum was just the other side of that door I know what you mean about the garden Lisa, i keep looking at things i planted last year and wishing Mum could see it all.
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