@Ali29 Yes, the daily texts etc even if it was just to remind me to pick something up from the shop. I’m grateful that I can have ‘normal’ conversations with neighbours and friends but I miss the intimacy of talking to someone who was so close to me.
Yes, the intimacy you’ll only get from a partner. I miss that. It’s the one thing you can’t get with any other relationship. Yeah, that’s tough.
You are all so right
Paul would be the first to say ‘come on get a grip’
He wouldn’t want me like this or be a Queen Victoria
But at the moment I yearn for my life with Paul
My counsellor Claire said to me today my grief is normal and shows how much Paul and I meant to each other
But don’t always feel sorry for yourself…….
But at this moment in time I carnt help it
Yes Miss the phone calls to each other
Like ‘ oh I forgot to say ………
You all know the ones
Sometimes not important stuff but stuff we needed the other half to know and needed to tell regardless of if we’d just spoken to each other
I so miss Paul
I looked out for him and he me
Nobody will ever look out for me the way Paul did
Night night folks
agreed. saw old reports that they did have a cure … notable scientists in the 70s … then turned down.
so much money in cancer so … rates are very high, it seems.
Guilt is a terrible thing. I lost my wife Val aged 50 to cancer in September 2022, she was diagnosed in September 2020. I was wracked with guilt, why didn’t I do more for her when she was alive, why couldn’t I save her as I’ve failed as a husband, why didn’t I say more etc etc. I was looking after her as she went downhill and would have done anything but the cancer she had was so aggressive there was nothing that anyone could do.
Also, when she was in the local hospice, I felt guilty for taking her there even though I was with her. Why didn’t I say more to her? Why didn’t I do this or that? A friend who experienced this quite a few years ago told me that you are in shock in a very stressful situation. There is no rule book that says what you will do. It’s not like the films or television shows, there is no set script to follow with everything planned out. You do what you can and ultimately, you can’t and don’t want to believe that this could be the end. I always hoped that she would be with me for longer or the next treatment would be that 0.01% of people that it worked on.
But the truth is, we were married 25 years and together for 28. In that time, we had said and done things together every day as we loved each other, from the little everyday things to the bigger surprise gestures. Holidays, trips or just day to day things that we did, as you all know are the signs that you love each other very much. Val knew I loved her very very much.
After all, as lots of people on this site have shown, you are together with that person as you have found your other half that makes a whole and someone you want to spend your life with which is why we were married and would have stayed that way. They are your life partner.
My guilt will always be there but has faded a little as I can think a bit more rationally now, trying to remember more of the happy times and things we did as a family. I’ve joined the local WAY group which has helped as its face to face meetings with people in the same situation who understand it and how you feel. Talking her friends also helps, whilst they will never understand how this feels without experiencing it, they have told me of conversations that they had with her in the past and plus when she was ill, that she loved me very much and was ever so thankful for all I did and that we were together. Whilst I am heartbroken and lost without here I know she wouldn’t want to see me this way. As we have all said, If the position were reversed, we wouldn’t want them to be that way would we as would do anything to make them happy.
Love to you all.
Well said … you say it all
My head spins constantly
I lost Paul to lung cancer( none smoker) July 24th 2022
Known him since I was 17 44 years married
That day my life ended
I know he would be saying move on but as we all know it’s so so hard
My bestest friend taken
@Timbo I feel guilty that I didn’t notice how poorly my husband was and his weight loss. I got him down the doctor but sadly too late. I went to work on the Saturday and came home on the Sunday and he had gone. A massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism killed him, he also had kidney cancer stage 4 and didn’t know. He was working the day before… I got no closure, no time to say goodbye, no time to tell him I appreciate and loved him and no answers. I wasn’t prepared for this new life. Hold on to the fact that you was with your love and looked after her. I would of done anything to be with my husband. One month we were celebrating our 25th anniversary and the next his funeral. Absolutely heart broken
Big hugs x
So sorry for you
So tragic so sudden so uncalled for
I don’t want a new life I want my life with Paul
We didn’t talk much but he did his damnest to get us moved to a place he knew we’d be happy
Moved 14th July he passed 24th
But he knew I’d be ‘happy’ or maybe settled is the right word if things went wrong
Like us all I miss him every minute of every day
But he knew I loved him and vice versa
I just wish I told him more often
I always said to him night night honey love you
He always replied
I still say all those words every single night
What a shit situation we all find ourselves in
Yep same here xx
just found out my cousin’s daughter died from cancer age 33. she will live with this tragic loss every day. a friend just died of brain cancer. I think we know the truth about little in this world, on purpose.
Yeh i miss saying good night : ( i just miss him being next to me its so strange after having him next.to me for 37 years
Same here 100%
I met my husband when I was 21 married at 23 and lost him when I was 61. Married 37 years together for 40. He was a gud ‘un’. Miss him every day. It’s been 18 months now without him. I honestly feel for everybody in this situation xx
Hi Murphy 1
Yes met Paul when I was17
Married at 21
Passed away when I was 65…. Last July 24th 2022
Can honestly say miss him every second of every day since he passed
Wouldn’t wish this broken heart and everything else on anyone
But……we all know what it feels like to be alone berift … just shit!
Totally agree with you. It’s a completely different life for us. Life has changed a lot for me since Alan died in September 2021, suddenly. Daughter got married May 2022, middle son and partner had our first grandchild, Ollie (Oliver) December 2022. Alan would have loved to be present and involved. Feel like he’s missing so much. It’s difficult x
Hi Murphy 1
Totally agree…… I just want my old life back
Hi @Bess1 @Murphy1 @Deb5 I’ve been reading all your posts and I can relate to you all. I met my husband young and we were married just short of fifty years. Life has changed beyond recognition. Not a life any of us want but have to get on with it as best we can.x
@Bess1 we are indeed. Thank you for your kind words life is so unfair and cruel and hate this life without my lovely funny hubby. Big hugs xx
Same here - sucks dunnit xx
It sure does xx