We do youre right! Its just tough innit. Think my husband thought i be ok but i fell to pieces after he went ! Think i was holding it together for his sake 
xx
1 Like
Hi All
Yes Deb 5 I’m with you
I’m sure Paul thought I’d be ok but you are so right
Like you I held it together …… we had to to didn’t we
We had to be strong infront of them
Then crash bang wallop
Sadly he died and I am an utter wreck
I function
Folks see you dressed looking something ‘like’ assume you are ok
Tears just flow
I personally carnt see a way forward
I yearn for my life with Paul we had so many years in front of us
Sorry…… we thought we had so many years in front of us
I see couples I’m jealous
I see the way they talk look at each other
Rely on each other and I am so so envious of them
Paul and I had that ( didn’t realise it at the time you don’t do you)
Now gone
No one absolutely no one will ever look out for me the way Paul looked out for me all during our time together and that bloody hurts
Hurts like hell
Take care folks
Big hugs
Xx
5 Likes
Yes its so hard seeing other couples isnt it ! Wow ! Then you do realise what you have lost
Hopefully we will get through this but jeez its a hard one too right it is … god bless and we just all need lots of TLC dont we really ! That’s all xx
2 Likes
Morning Lonely
How interesting……
We all see things differently…. Human nature
My bereavement councillor ( she lost hubby suddenly says when she see couples she just thinks
Enjoy the time you’ve got……
Yes my Paul sounds like your Peter a true gent!
Hopefully all of us here will get through it, folks keep telling me
From where I am I doubt it
Miss Paul so so much a truly wonderful caring considerate ( The list goes on) hubby
My hubby
Take care
Xx
2 Likes
@Lonely my Bri was like this, the perfect gentleman. I remember 1 of our first dates almost 25 years ago we went to a local nature reserve and a giant swan took a dislike to me, Bri got in the swans way and put his arm out to stop the swan attacking me. The swan had a right go at his arm, luckily Bri had his best leather jacket on so wasnt hurt.
It hurts so much him not being here anymore…xx
5 Likes
Hi Lonely
Yes Paul like your Peter left me comfortable with his private pension
I feel it’s slightly bitter sweet
Yes Paul left me no money worries but he’s not here to enjoy the money he worked so hard to invest
Heartbreaking
Xx
3 Likes
Hi @Deb5 I told my husband I would be ok and would look after things but I’m not. Why did I think I would be? I’m totally lost without him. I worry about things that would never have bothered me before and over think things now. I’m just a mess really. But like others have said, because people see you up and dressed out doing food shopping (only because I have to) they think you are ok. Far from it.x
5 Likes
Hi loobyloo I know exactly what you mean I have put a brave face on for the past 3 years as I dont want my family to worry about me but I am feeling more and more lonely and just burst into tears over nothing. I also worry about everything. We lost contact with all our friends as we were just so content it being just us 2. Now when I really need a friend there isnt anyone.
2 Likes
Hi Marl
Yes but friends……
There are friends and friends and you certainly find out who they are
I am down to a handful
We have no children my mum brother wife and their families farm over the road from where we now live
Farmers look after their sons not daughters and this has been the case since Paul and I met
And he was a farmer………
Paul knew the score and how true he was
I remember I had a conversation with Paul before he was very ill and told he I’d be up shit creek with my family if things all went wrong
Simple answer ……. Don’t you think I don’t know that
I said
But yes but when the chips are down
His simple answer
But their chips haven’t been touched
So true
Paul was a twin and Richard and his wife have/ are so looking after me
That’s a family……
In reality life’s just shit without your bestest friend ever
Xx
3 Likes
Yeh she says that … but she knows hes gonna come back … our loved ones arent ever gonna and thats a whole new ball game xx
Yeh im totally with you on that one xx
Yeh i was the same ! He was my world really … just lived for him … makes it so much harder now doesn’t it. But guess like my mum says slowly, slowly … and things will happen … but its tough without our soulmate i know that !! Xx
2 Likes
Hi @Marl I don’t know when or if things will start to get better? I hope they do. I just miss my lovely, funny husband so much. I never had a clue it would be like this. I know people who have lost their partners in the past but never in a million years realised how excruciating the pain would be. I find the loneliness awful. I will have to try and move forward but finding it hard to know how to.x
2 Likes
Hi Lobbyloo2
You and me both……
The pain is as you say totally excruciating
Xx
1 Like
Hi Loobyloo I too never realised how so very hard it would be . The pain and loneliness are unbearable, I cant see it ever getting better to me after 3 years its still as bad as ever if not worse 
2 Likes
Hi @Marl yes it must have been very hard for you. No one really knew anything about Covid. We still don’t truth been known. It must have been awful for you. Do you have any family that can support you? I do have a family albeit small, but they have their own lives and everyday distractions. Whereas I spend the majority of time on my own and I hate it. I know people may say hate is a very strong word to use but I think it is appropriate for the way I feel. I can’t even look 3 or 4 years into the future as it scares me to think I will still feel like this. I know i will never get back to the person my family loved before and it saddens me.x
Good afternoon all,
Im sitting in our garden enjoying the sunshine, except is not the same anymore. I have now passed week 13 since my Hilary passed away in her sleep at the age of 54, we.had been together for just 10yrs.
But reading what you are all going through does.help, we are all in the grief boat as it drifts with no direction.
At the age of 57, i didnot expect to be a widower so soon, life can be cruel and how you become so jealous of couples. I just try and take each day as it comes, the loneliness is tough, councilling is helping - as does a routine. I find that i am back out walking again and i get the chance to reconnect with my wife, like i do when i visit those special places we would drive to. Tears are never far away at times- i dont know how i managed to hold it together the time i was dusting her " beauty room" - physical memories, looking at her lipsticks- but by doing these things it gets me through another day.
Signing off from Hilarys garden, her happy place .
Take care Russell
4 Likes
One day at a time looby loo… one day at a time 
x
1 Like
Hi Loobyloo yes I have a daughter and two sons but like yours they have there own lives to live. Yes they lost their Dad but on the whole their lives havnt changed its me who as to live a completely different life I dont think they understand thst which is my own fault because I keep everything inside until I am on my own which like you is the 99% of the time . I too hate this life I have now . I am 69 years old and the thought of living the rest of my life like this fills me with such dread and sadness .
2 Likes
At last … im glad someone gets it ! Our kids have no idea at all do they? How its affected our lives. Ive tried to explain it to mine but it just seems to fall on deaf ears and they either dont want to hear it or they dont care xx