It definitely seems like nobody else cares anymore, nobody realises that my grief (our grief) hasn’t changed just cause of time, and just because they have moved on
This weekend has brought me the stark realisation that this is truly a very very very lonely journey
And the only person who can understand me, and help me through this …us the one who isn’t here
TOTAL SHIT EXISTENCE TO ENDURE FROM NOW ON.
sorry … Feeling the worst I have tonight
Love and hugs to you all … Who I know are struggling BIG TIME to
I am a lot older than you but your grief is similar to mine.I lost my partner of 18 years who I met when when I was sixty. It was the first time I had been truly loved and found a best friend.Although I am surrounded by friends and family and a female friend I still feel so very lonely.It may be small comfort that you are not alone in your grief.
Hi all
Im struggling with the lonliness too, im 7 and a half months in and on the whole i guess im mostly doing ok, keeping busy in the day with walkin my dog pottering in the garden and meetin friends and family but the evenings are terrible. I tend to watch crappy tv that i know Bri wouldnt watch but the last few nights its hit me…is this my life for the next 20, 30 years.
Love to everyone strugglin on here
@Skip I can relate to that. I really feel it in the evenings when we used to finally sit down together and watch something on TV. He had the knack of finding films and box sets we would enjoy. I think he knew my tastes better than I do myself. I seem to keep starting a lot of rubbish stuff. I’ve watched a lot of stuff for about ten minutes, then suddenly, it’s too late to start anything. Another lonely night!
I really struggle to watch TV properly now.
It’s on cos I can’t stand the silence but don’t enjoy watching any of the programmes we enjoyed together, or the ones I watched that he didn’t like.
This is all part of the bit that no one gets unless you’ve lost a partner…literally everything changes…the way you eat (or not), the way you sleep (or not) , the way you socialise and see family (or not) …
And it’s the same with the way you watch TV (or not)
This catastrophic change to our daily lives doesn’t happen with any other loss…and that’s why it’s so damn lonely.
Yes, i have massive guilt too, and i know hed be so upset that i feel this way. I even felt guilty when i adopted my rescue dog cos i know he would love Bailey, but i know hes here with us
Hi every one i read every morning every ones comments and i admit i get jealous when some of you say about family friend going away with family ect .I dont have those choices unfortunately and its so hard to realize il never have that again.My cat is my company day and night and i love her to bits .im retired so no work to take my mind of griefing…So when you get invites and oppurtunity try and do it .All i hope is in time il get used to this lonliness .its only 6 weeks and nothing to look forward too now hes gone xx
I don’t have family close by but have a few good friends and I’m hoping to see more of them and maybe join some clubs or classes…
Having some company would help x
Friends , (family if you are lucky) and company are good. I personally have two friends who between them save me (one is my boss)
And alot of others who give me company and are very kind to me.
Being in their company passes time, same as going to work does…
BUT it never changes the loneliness … I feel it all the time, and often it’s actually more stark when I am in company…because I just want him sat next to me
There’s no sugar coating…it’s just horrible , and as others have described on other feeds it’s like being a member of a shit club
And being in this shit club sucks
Sorry - I’m not a sweary person ( my husband used to say the only things that made me swear was football! And even then not very often)
But I’ve realised sometimes swearing is the best way to describe feelings…
Just wanted to say that you are not alone. I am having a very bad week at the moment.
I can relate to what you said about it being such a lonley journey. Since I lost Paul in December, I have never felt so alone- not just because of the actual absence of my partner of 34 years- but also due to the way that some people in my life have reacted. I try really hard to be positive and upbeat as I know some people find grief hard to deal with. I really don’t want to sound self pitying but I can count on one hand the number of people who still make an effort to keep in touch. I would like to think that I would make an effort to be around for someone who has gone through this. Maybe I should just accept that this is the way it’s going to be now. I feel as if I have lost the one person who when it came down to it, he had my back. As you said, I feel as if I am just existing now, not living and can’t see much light at the end of the tunnel today.
I hate sounding like a whinger and spend so much time trying to give the impression that I am ok but at the moment there is nobody else to say these things to!
To anyone out there having a “dark” spell, lets hope it passes soon- hugs to anyone who needs it today x
Maybe it’s time we didn’t show people we are ok, when we are not. And ask for help, instead of expecting people to come to us.
I was inundated with support at first and now it’s not so full on and although people are not in my face asking deep questions, when I cry or need to talk I can do that with someone, whether it’s family, work colleague, kids, friends and it helps in the moment but doesn’t help overall, having said that thinking about where I am now, I wouldn’t be here without all that support and the support of this site. I didn’t get here on my own. I got here because people listened to me, gave me encouraging words and through chatting to other bereaved people, I realized what I was going through was normal and I wasn’t going mad and I had a life to live, all be it different.
At some point I hope to have a life full of unique love again if I’m lucky.
@ClaireJ1
Good morning lovely
Thank you for your kind words of solidarity.
Just knowing someone else gets how you feel helps.
I too hate sounding like a whingey, and when people ask I mostly just pretend I’m okay.
That seems to satisfy them, cos then they go back to their life’s , and forget about me .
9 months 1 day for me, and it is the hardest it’s been.
I’m so tired all the time, grieving a partner is really so exhausting.
No one who isn’t in our shoes can get that.
So thank you to everyone here
Hugs
Morning everyone on here and thanks for being there .6 weeks in for me and the lonliness gets worse .I wish i was more outgoing and could go on days out and holidays on my own just carnt see it at the moment .So the future looking bleak sorry just feel miserable xxx
Please don’t apologise for feeling the way you do, I know I feel the
sure a lot of people on here do too.
I am 6 months in and pribably feeling worse now than when it first happened. I too am spending a lot of time alone which I know doesn’t help but sometimes we have no choice!
All I can do is send my best and hope that you do start to have some less painful days soon x
