I am so sorry for your loss. It is unimaginably devastating and heartbreaking we all here know as we are going through the same thing. Talking does help but please if you find it hard to talk, maybe it would help just to post here all your thoughts and feelings we are all here to listen and support each other.
Love & hugs X
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Thank youā¦ i just cant imagine the rest if my life without Mark. I go to bed early so that thats one day gone and i think if i do that every day then the days will turn to years as i feel i dont want this life without him being part of it. I didnt go out with friends and he didnt we just had each other, i feel so vulnerableā¦
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Hi @4201,
Iām really sorry for your loss. Utterly ghastly. Devastating.
Looking too far ahead when in the iron grip of grief can be exceedingly challenging. It may be more helpful to simply look to the immediate future, what has to be done tomorrow, in the next hour and when itās really bad just looking to the next couple of minutes is hard enough.
I would encourage you to try posting your thoughts and feelings here. This is a very supportive and non-judgmental community. Sadly, we know intimately what you are talking about and the feelings you are experiencing.
Courage, hugs and best wishes to you.
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Hi,
You are not alone feeling like this, everyone on here who has lost a partner feels exactly how you are feeling,
I lost my Wife of 38 years, 3 weeks before last Christmas, therefore last Christmas was a complete non event for me, this year is the first proper Christmas without her, and it has been a difficult time, my Wife loved Christmas and she made it a special time, for Christmas shall never be the same again, my family have rallied round and Ispent time with them, however there is someone missing and that feeling of sadness is never far away, thebest advice that I can give you, is take one day at a time, there will be good and bad dayās, but just remember we are in this together and understand everything that you are feeling and going through, take care x
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Thank you xx
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Thank you x
Iām so sorry.
Itās hard putting into words the complete devastation and mix of emotions one feels after losing a spouse and partner. The tears are coming now as my heart breaks for you. I can say from my experience, the recent loss of my husband is the trauma of a life time. The days are dark, long and lonely.
Please continue to reach out for support and love on this forum. You are not alone. Remember to take good care of yourself, too. Itās okay to do nothing and take all the time you need. We heal in our own individual way.
Hugs.
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I can totally resonate with what you said. 8 months in, I still rush up to bed as soon as Iāve had my dinner around 6 pm every night just so that I can sit in bed until I fall asleep if I can sleep at all! Like you, we didnāt go out with other people but spent 24/7 just the two of us for all of our 37 years together. The only time we were apart was when we went to work, then lockdown came we spent literally 24/7 being with each other very contented - no one else mattered!
We had planned to semi retire and just started putting our plans in motion then I lost him so suddenly. My world crumbled the day I lost him. I have felt so lost and vulnerable ever since 
I think of him, us every single second/minute everyday without fail so heartbreaking
Talking to friends and family helps me get through each day and posting my thoughts and feelings on this amazing forum helps enormously.
I hope that you will find some strength to get through this gradually and steadily and please be assured that we are here to listen to share and to support each other.
Do take care of yourself.
Big hugs X
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Same as you, we worked together as well. He was unwell with stomach issues?? Five weeks later he was goneš he did everything for me, and protected me from anyone who might hurt me, and now im so scared, if i think about him i go to a really dark place and i cant get out and if i dont i feel worse, we were getting ready to semi retire too, i cant think of the nice things just the times in hospital where i stayed with him and see the pain and him looking scared, i cant rememer if i told him i loved on the last day, We didnt get time to and i coukdnt hold him because he hurt , i would have swapped places and i offered to go with him but he said no, i feel so lost and how can i do years when i cant do days ā¦ i say mark please come to me in my dreams or send me a message, my heart is broken and i am half missing he was my piece of missing jigsaw that i fond 30 yrs ago and now ive lost him.
Thank you for your message ive cried all night and im glad another day has passed ā¦ 
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Hello Linda,
I think the ābeing extra carefulā bit is referring to the fact that some people, (salesmen, for example), will try to bully you into buying something or doing something youāre not sure about just because you are a woman alone. Things have changed a bit in that respect, as women have, in the main, become more resilient. Marriages all work in different ways though and if you were used to your husband making decisions (with or without your input) you might find it hard to decide what to do when a decision needs to be made when he isnāt there. And thatās when people might take advantage of your vulnerability. I needed to replace my old car which had broken down beyond repair. I felt I was perfectly capable of buying another one by myself. After all, I had been a pretty equal partner with my wonderful husband who, bless him, had insisted I coped with things without having to have his help. That said, he was always there for me, but was just trying to make me independent. He was a few years older than me so it was a sensible and thoughtful thing to do. Consequently, when he died, I was in the lucky position of having a wonderful family nearby, and my new-found confidence, so I coped. (As far as buying a car was concerned though, I did get my grandson to go with me and that worked really well. Salesmen donāt tend to try to pull the wool over a manās eyes!) I did all the actual buying of the car myself, even negotiating a good discount but having my grandson there as back-up just gave me that extra bit of confidence, even though I didnāt need his input as it turned out.
After 57 years with him (54 married), I was absolutely devastated when my husband died. I adored him, and wouldnāt wish how I feel on my worst enemy. Even after more than three years without Tony, I still cry my eyes out frequently. I miss him so much it physically hurts but he always wanted me to be strong so I am trying my best. Itās so hard.
I have found that having a hobby helps. Iām not one for clubs or group coffee mornings (although I have regular coffee with a friend). I have always been happy with my own company, which helps a lot. My hobbies are Cross stitch embroidery and Card-making. I wrote āhow to do itā articles for a well known craft magazine for a while so I might look into doing that again.
Sorry, I have gone on a bit and most of you are probably asleep!
So, to finish, Iād just say, keep well, keep busy and, most of all, remember the good times. It was all worth it!
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I can so identify with how close you were with your beloved.
I had lost my parents very young and had survived on my own, going through some bad relationships until I met my angel and he became everything to me ever since. He filled the missing pieces in my life and now those pieces have gone forever
I never got a chance to say goodbye as it happened so suddenly, he had a heart attack while at work but then he did come in my dreams to let me hug and say goodbye very soon after heād passed and I am so grateful for that.
I now try to think of what we had together and appreciate how happy we were and hold these thoughts in my heart to keep him close to me forever.
Sending strength & big hugs X
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Hi @4201 you write what Iām thinking, just about word for word. Much love to you and all on this chat x
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Sending love back to you xx
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I understand how you are feeling. I lost my husband of 54 years in September 2023. Coped okay initially with things to sort out but was obviously very upset. Now 3 months later i have developed fear and anxiety from being on my own at home. My adult children dont have much sympathy and say i will get used to it, so cant ring them when upset and panicky. Need a shoulder to cry on as i feel so alone with my fears. Seen doctor and waiting for councelling. I felt safe and secure with my husband as we did everything together. Have joined a couple of groups for coffee etc but still dread coming home to be on my own. Feel embarrassed admitting to my insecurities. Can cope better when i have compant. Is this normal.
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Hi @Debbiea,
Iām sorry your children are not giving you much support. Of course they will be grieving in their own way. But their perspective will be different.
I suspect folk here will completely understand your feelings of fear and anxiety. Certainly I know what you are talking about. You have no need to entertain embarrassment in having these feelings. They are perfectly normal. There is nothing āwrongā with you. If you can, try to dispense with this feeling of embarrassment as it is only adding to your burden at this time.
It is still such a short time since the loss of your husband. I suspect you may still very much be in shock, interspaced with periods of numbness.
Be compassionate towards yourself. Donāt expect too much of yourself at this time.
Best wishes to you.
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So sorry for your loss , this Christmas was difficult to get through, but weāve done it . If go out at any time I leave the radio on , so when I come home thereās music or chat to hear , much better than entering a quiet house , our a light in on as you walk in , it helps me lost my mum 5 weeks ago today
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Hi rockstar
I to lost my wife my life long friend in April married 38 yrs together 44 yrs I have recently returned back to work part time what seems to help but like you Christmas has made me feel Awful again Iāve felt loss anger unwanted broken this site has helped I only check it out when feeling low but people send messages and it seems to help.
Hope things get easier for you people do care
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Hi there, Can completely understand what you are feeling, I lost my husband of 24 years just 6 weeks ago and feel just awful. Am hoping that the feelings of anxiety and hopelessness go so I can go on with things. Christmas has been difficult and cant wait to feel like my old self again soon. Family are helpful but it feels like I am on my own with this. Sending love and hugs to you xx
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I am so sorry for your loss. 8 months in since I lost my soulmate, I am still feeling lost, anxious, deeply sad and probably worst of all - so lonely
Taking one day at a time and keeping busy seems to help plus posting my thoughts and feelings on this amazing forum helps enormously so please do share your thoughts and feelings with us here as we all are going through this together so we do share your pain and understand what you are experiencing.
Big hugs Xx
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Hi there, Thanks for your reply, so very sorry for your loss too. Keeping busy is one of the things that helps I think, its so helpful to find others in the same predicament. Hope you have a good day, sending hugs and love back to you thanks. xxx
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