Hi, 3 weeks ago my husband suddenly collapsed calling for me to ring for an ambulance as he was having a heart attack. I did this, but the next moment was doing CPR as he stopped breathing. The paramedics arrived quickly considering we live in the countryside. They worked on him for over an hour, but eventually told me they would be stopping as it was no use. Just like that, my husband was gone. Three weeks later I’m waiting for the funeral which will be exactly 4 weeks since he left me. I have family who have been wonderful, but I’m screaming inside. I can’t believe he’s gone and that I’m left to carry on without him. I’ve been told that nothing could have been done, but it’s not helping. We would have been married 40 years next year and going out from when we were 18 years old. I can’t see a life without him. Has this happened to anyone else? How can anything get better?
It happened to me 17 years ago my husband died of a heart attack and like you I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. Life was tough the coroner was involved and it took a long time to come to terms with his death. We’d been married 36 years and been together since I was 16. I went back to work kept busy to block out what had happened 12months on I hit a brick wall I went off sick and started to deal with my grief and rembered what my GP said after going through the Post mortem report with me ,he said that if he had survived he wouldn’t be the same man and very likely brain damaged and did I want that for him or would he want that for himself .My answer to both questions was No and at that point I accepted his death and started to live my life again I missed him but found peace and solice in my grandchildren
I met Chris and we started a new life together but a piece of my heart still belonged to my husband and my wedding ring remains on my finger as does the pendant around my neck he bought me for our 30th anniversary. What I am trying to say is life does move on but you carry your memories and their love with you. It takes time and being Kind to yourself is a big part of that xxx
Day by day you do adjust but it’s hard - there’s no rule book unfortunately,
My husband wouldn’t have wanted to be left an invalid after his sudden heart attack but difficult to accept how quickly things happened.
Try to read other posts on here which hopefully will give you comfort.
I found reading other peoples experiences are strangely theraputic knowing what we are feeling is par for the course, & therefore keeps me “grounded”.
Do what feels right for you, when you feel ready. Up washed & dressed each morning may seem not important but you can build on from there.
Take care. G.x
Thanks for your reply. I hadn’t thought about talking to my GP about the Post Mortem report. I will do that and also ask for some help as I’m not sleeping well. I’ve had pneumonia so I’m seeing him soon, I hope it will help, thanks again
Thanks for your words. I’m forced to get up as I’ve two cats to see to. There are days where I’ve done very little except cry, but it doesn’t really matter. Thanks again
Well done you’ve taken the 1st step. You are very welcome if it helped then I’m glad that I could help. Just take each day as it comes and reach out for help,you might be suprised how much empathy and support there is out there. Take care x
Hi JanieM, so sorry for your loss. This has happened to me too. I understand exactly what you’re going through.
It’s been 19 months now but for me it’s like yesterday. He said he had stomach pains, felt nauseous, we didn’t realise he was having a heart attack, then I found him lying there, my daughter tried cpr on him while waiting for the ambulance. I also live in the country and at the time we were in total Covid lockdown, nethertheless they arrived quickly but there was nothing they could do. I’m still tormented with feelings of guilt: ‘what if I’d called the ambulance earlier? should’ve rushed him to hospital at first signs of pain’, even if I was told that he couldn’t have been saved. My beloved was only 57,fit and healthy, full of life, I still live in shock and disbelief, married 25 years. I have two grownup children living with me, they give me a reason to go on. Our lives have been shattered, in a matter of minutes, he was our rock, I would have believed more that an alien would come down to earth and not that my husband would so unexpectedly, prematurely be torn away from me. It will help you having a wonderful family around you, it takes time, it does also help pouring your heart out here where everyone can relate to you. Cherish you beautiful memories of your husband and let this give you the strength you need to carry on.i get by just feeling he’s still here, beside me, I feel, see and hear him all the time, he will never leave me. At first, you’ll think you won’t be to handle this, but you will. The love you shared together will always live in your heart and this will never be taken away from you.
Take care of yourself
It happened to me , it will be 11 weeks ago , my Chris who was 63 , died from a sudden heart attack, at 06.06am 22/4/22
We had been married 43 years and together 50 years since the age of 13 years, it is a tragic shock, please try and sit with the grief, it is becoming less than before, I wish I could say it was vastly better, it is not, just baby steps xxx
My husband died in January aged 55 of a stroke. Up until that point he was fit and healthy. The shock is indescribable to others who have not been in our situation. You probably, like me, had not considered this would ever happen. Where do you start? It’s tough and so far, for me, not any easier.
You have hurdles to cross yet, the funeral and probably the “admin” things.
I have great family - lean on them, you need them. I have friends but they have now started to only check on me occasionally, apart from one or two who seem to understand how hard it is.
Give yourself time. There is no solution and nothing will make it better. All that you can expect is that you come to terms and accept your loss. I’m sorry to not have a more positive message but please know that I understand. Take care.
You give me some hope, I’m just going to do the best I can and stop if I need to - knowing I’m not the only one does help. I don’t want to put too much onto my children as they’re grieving as well. But having lost my parents, mum quite recently, it’s not the same feeling. The best part of me has been wrenched away forever, my best friend my only love and the one who knew me through and through. Of course there are many good things to remember, I just hope it gets a bit easier. Thank you again for replying.
I feel for you - although I knew my darling wife was terminally ill, consciously… sub-conscionciously I didn’t get it. Then, she went. Gone. Nothing. Nothing is real. No one understands. I don’t want to live, but I have two sons who my darling told me would never get over it if I decided not to carry on. So trapped in a world of torture. I understand.
It happened to me, my 50 year old husband died suddenly on the 26/5/22 of a thoracic aortic dissection.
We were together 30 years, since I was 16. Married for 22 and have 4 boys. He was my best friend , soulmate my world. It’s awful the emotional rollercoaster that we’re all on , one minute in pieces, next in shock and disbelief, then a good day where your thankful for the time you had together. It’s exhausting but I’m promised it gets better. And reading other people’s experiences on here,time makes it easier to accept.
Look after yourself, I didn’t for the first 3 weeks and collapsed. That was my wake up call if I couldn’t look after myself how would I look after my boys- they only had me. One day at a time no further. We’re all riding this rollercoaster together- sending much love xxx
Oh no, the same thing happened to be nearly 6 weeks ago. The funeral was 4 weeks later. I can’t give you any words of comfort I’m afraid. But I’m better than I was, but a long way from ok. Much love XxX
Same day as mine. XxX
I put up a post only this weekend about losing my partner suddenly over eighteen months ago, we had only been together for ten years but she was the love of my life.
Sudden death is so soul destroying, and it seems to be getting even harder, I can only say it may get easier but probably won’t, my own health and well being is suffering with the pain of emptiness never far away, you have good days during the week, but as ours was a weekend long distance relationship and it’s the weekends I struggle with the most, especially ‘arrival day’ on Fridays
My future is now totally uncertain and empty without her, sending you thoughts and a wish that the funeral is a celebration, take care always
I agree sudden death is soul destroying. My lovely H died 14 months ago and some days I cope and others it feels like yesterday. I get through each day hour by hour I try to keep busy but then comes the time when it just hits me like a train. He’s never coming back. Everything then feels unreal. I feel I’m walking in fog. Life will never be the same. I have a summer cold at present and everything feels so much worse x
16months ago my hubby was a sudden death,
I’ve often wondering if that is "worse* than coping with an illness & caring for someone ?
No preparation or discussions , just
him going out with woofy & not coming home.
Just another random unimportant thought going around in my head.
Think your comment regarding walking in fog is so spot on!
I also have a summer cold (or is it Covid?! Negative, Negative, Negative …) which really hasn’t helped my well being, thank goodness I need to go out to work four days a week and have my daughter’s lovely dog Milo to look after almost every day, without him i’m sure i’d be somewhere far, far darker xx
It happened to me 8 weeks ago, i found my 48 year old husband dead in bed. It was horrific, i still can’t comprehend it. I am functioning, but only for my boys (11 and 13) and my dog. I have flashbacks to the morning i found him, i had taken him up a cup of tea and noticed his arm was a funny colour, he was gone. I am trying to see the future, but without him it’s empty. I lost my dad and my sister suddenly 12 years ago, within 3 weeks of each other, and i think that its that experience that is getting me through. Life continues, it is never the same, the sun does not seem as bright and the dark is darker, its a rollercoaster, and if i am honest i want to get off. I am lucky i have a very supportive family and circle of friends, who i am leaning on, its hard to admit that you need support but when you do need it, you should seek it from those who can help you. Sending love Connie
Thank you Connie. There’s nothing that I can say to make it better for you. 8 weeks is nothing compared to the life you had before and oh how I get where you are- holding on to your family and taking one day at a time is all either of us can do. Today I found myself in floods of tears realising I can never have a silly argument about which film to watch or whether we would rewatch yet another episode of Red Dwarf. My thoughts are with you x