@Solost thanks for that, I think in a way this site is helping me understand what is going on, and to be able to put it in words I (and other people) actually understand…
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@DennisS thank you for your reply. You seem to have such understanding of how grief affects us and the different ways it can manifest itself.
I hope that you eventually find a way to feel happier and more settled in your life. It’s what your wife would have hoped for.
I am ok but a bit “dumbed down”, I will try to face the painful thoughts and see if this helps. All the best to you.
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@Flossy3 thanks for that, I seem to have found an understanding here, although I’ve only been on it for a very short while, of how to describe to myself of what is happening. And maybe that helps me, or maybe others in our World. I’m not sure if it helps, but even writing about how I feel to other people who actually understand my torture, helps me to understand. Not sure that makes sense, but the first post did anyway…
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@Grandma I get what you are saying - it’s the finality that is so gut wrenching. The inability so say something, do something, have one more kiss that us so awful. And, the never ending, no future torture to be endured.
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@dlt I think for someone like me who can’t release, you are right - the ability to express words here, to try to understand what is happening, and knowing we are not alone, does aid the confusion if not the eternal pain.
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Hi thank you for your reply . It helps me and I suppose others to know kind people know how we feel . And when we feel so down a kind word , helps a great deal . We are all here to help and listen to each other . The one thing we all have in common is that we love and miss our partners so so much . My hubby was and still is my life . But I know I must find a way of keeping on going without him here next to me in human form . I am looking at that wall and I think I might try and tackle it a bit today . So hopefully see how far I get . I suppose a little each day is better than none . Thinking of you xtake carex
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@Loobyloo2 yes, I lost my mum many years ago, but the pain of losing my soul mate is just completely different and a whole new world of agony and confusion. And yet, people who ‘know’ me insist on telling me that they know exactly how I feel, because they lost a parent. Sometimes I try to explain its different, and that they don’t understand, that no one does unless it’s happened to them - but mostly I just pretend to agree and sympathise with them while finding an excuse to walk away and never talk to them again.
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@Nat5 I’m also new here, was reluctant to express myself, but this site has opened my eyes, and to understand that others understand this torture is really helpful.
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Sorry posted on wrong thread . Brain fog at it again . All xtake carex
Someone on her said about Brain Fog … Spot on …
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Hi yes brain fog is so real . Some days I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing . With all the grief and being heartbroken the brain fog makes it all so much worse . I hope in time it goes away . But nearly ten months on it is still definetly here . Xtake carex
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I often struggle to remember people’s names and that’s colleagues I work with and see every day, and losing track half way through a sentence. Yes brain fog is very real. X
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Hi at first I just thought it was me . But after reading posts on here I realised it is all part of this awful life we have now . I also start to say things at work and then total forget what my point was . Hopefully people realise and it’s not just me losing the plot. Xtake carex
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Brain fog — oh yes,
When my mum had dementia she would ask " am I talking rubbish?"
Yes mum , but let’s not worry about it -lets just laugh at it.
I now say to the grandkids - grandma is being a bit silly today isn’t she? You need to sort me out!
G. X
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Hi like you all, I lost my husband 15 months ago ,he was coming home from getting the morning paper he collapsed 3 doors from home …my neighbour came for me there was 2 ambulances and a paramedic car all working on him …I cannot get the pictures out of my mind. But what I want to say is we lost our son to cancer 20 yrs this year …but I nursed him the last 2 weeks of his life and it was heartbreaking we knew he was terminal for 6 months …but losing my hubby so suddenly was more heartbreaking to me and it was a sudden death but no post-mortem …been told it’s because of covid being blamed for a lot of deaths but I will never know what he died from …suspect blood clot from covid jabs but will never know…I live each day as it comes and try to remember he would want me to try…we were married 54 yrs .
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Hi JanieM, I had the same. My wife of 46 years had a heart attack 15 days ago. CPR, Paramedics spent over an hour trying to resuscitate her. I feel my life now has no purpose. I see her in everything, every room in the house. I hope time will help. Her funeral was 8 days ago. It was a wonderful service - conducted by a celebrant and I said a few words myself.
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Hi Saffy (Joan), I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel.
My brother aged 74 died of a heart attack in February this year. It was cold outside and we did get a food delivery that day. He was outside storing some water bottles and some fox food in the garage. He complained that his chest infection got worse again. He went inside the house and watched TV. Few minutes later, he told me that his right arm started to hurt and he thought that it was because he lifted a big box with food. I got worried when he told me that his left arm also started to hurt. But, he did not want me to get an ambulance. He did not want to spend hours in A&E like I did when I had some problems after I stopped taking some medication for my back in 2019. About 10-15 minutes later, he called out for me that he was in terrible pain. I was upstairs at that time and ran down the stairs as quickly as I could. He did slide off hist chair and fell against the radiator. I called 999, and started CPR. About two minutes later a first responder arrived and took over, I did the breathing for my brother. The ambulance arrived and took over. After about 40 minutes later, I was told that there was no response and they wanted to stop. I begged them to try few more minutes and they did.
- My brother and I had our third COVID jab just two weeks before. - A day or two before before my brother died, he showed me a blood clot in the palm of his left hand but could not remember where he had hurt himself. We will never find out what cause the blood clot.
The coroner report sated that my brother died of a heart attack. I was also told that there was a lot of blood between the heart and the heart sack, but, no further information was given.
I do not understand why they did not perform an autopsy on your husband.
I was told that there is always a post-mortem if someone dies suddenly and without any history.
The deaths of my brother and your husband look very much the same to me.
Take care of yourself. - Nick
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This rings strongly with me too Nick.
My partner died suddenly in December 2020, our relationship was long distance so I wasn’t there when she collapsed and died and because of Covid I couldn’t travel either
I had no information from her family at all how she died and I expected an autopsy too but they obviously didn’t push for one, I would have but did not have a say
Up to a few months ago I didn’t even have a clue what she died from, her family we’re very vague and effectively shut me out from the moment she died up to this day
I finally requested a death certificate a few months ago and it was so inconclusive, just feel her family wern’t bothered and wanted to get it all ‘out of the way’ as quick as possible
Even at the funeral a few months later, restricted of course, it was painful how they avoided all mention of the circumstances of her sudden death
Take care, all in this together, Steve
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Hi LittleLegs, I do not understand how some people can be so cruel.
You wrote that your partner had teeth problems and I just remembered that my brother also had some problems with his teeth. I just looked it up on the internet and found that the bacteria of a tooth infection can cause a heart attack. Well, my teeth are not in a good shape at the moment either. But, what is worse, a bad dentist or bad teeth. I never had any luck with dentists. Take care, Nick.
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Welcome. I hope this site helps you.Scream on here, we understand. I always feel a little calmer when ieavs the site. Best wishes.