Hi heather and Shelley
Yes hang on in there
Yes easier said than done
The slightest tiniest thing and I’m in floods of tears……
What an existence for all of us!
Xx
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Thank you Bess1 and Shelley Just a bad day today is another day.
Paul’s birthday today
Feel ‘lost’ would’ve been going to Keswick in motorhome till Monday
All booked last year
What a year……
How do we get through this?
Xx
Hi Bess
I feel so sad for you today. I am sure I will feel the same in May on John’s birthday .
Tried to do things today which will focus your mind on something different.
It’s a very difficult time and I send my best wishes and thoughts to you. Take care Love xx
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Hi Bess1
Feel for you today. Hope you are ok xx
Thinking of you and how sad you must be. Try to be strong if you can and keep busy.
Hi All
Thank you for all your support and very kind words
I mentioned to my sister in law I didn’t want to be by myself …… weeks ago
So…… her son builds trailers and they go to Race retro ( a car event) to sell their trailers they have a stand
So she asked me to go to with her
Yes on thier exhibition stand selling trailers…… completely different activity to what we’d planned ( before Paul passed away)
I missed him like hell and was telling him all day what I was doing but with Clare’s help I got through the day
So so difficult but would’ve been totally hellish if I’d been at home
Why did this happen to us
Lolxx
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Hi
I lost my husband in June 2023 suddenly on holiday to a massive heart attack.
It sounds like you are still in shock, l to had known my husband since I was 14, we had been married 38 years. I only have my son left in my family but he has special needs.
I have also a good female friend and at the beginning of losing my Geoff l kept saying sorry all the time and wondering how I was going to cope . It’s not easy, I walk a lot plan one day at a time and most importantly l am kind to myself and now after eight months I allow myself to grieve. But I know this journey is long and painful, l have been here before with our daughter and it will change you. But me and my husband promised each other that who ever was left would try to carry on for our son. I hope you have have a close and understands your pain xxx
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Hi jeanine1
Thank you for your reply and support
Life’s just so cruel as you know
We have no family Paul was a twin Clare is Richard’s wife and she has been an absolutely fantastic rock
They have a busy life and now she ‘ looks’ out for me
I have family my mum brother 2 nephews over the road with their farm they are farmers as Paul was
But I’m a farmers daughter ………
farmers son catered for daughter marries and becomes someone else’s problem
I have had no support whatsoever from my family my brother and his sons haven’t even been over to see me or even acknowledge Paul’s diagnosis back in December 2021
We haven’t fallen out but as I say farmers daughter
To be fair they’ve always been the same Paul knew this
I have friends but as will know there are friends and friends I have a very small hardcore of friends who are brilliant
Again in situations like ours you find out who your friends are
Some now expect me to have accepted Paul’s passing
31 weeks today at 5.57 pm
I haven’t I’m getting worse and it’s horrendous
But thank you so much for your support the pain as you well know is just indescribable
Lolxx
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Hi Bess
You are right you do find out who your family and friends are. I have 2 sisters and a brother who came to Geoff funeral but I have never heard from them since. Stick with the people who are there for you and try and be kind to yourself. It’s a long journey and there will be ambushes on the way. But always remember we are here to support each other Bess when it gets too much xxxx
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Hi jeanine1
Thank you means the world
I know you are right but I don’t seem to be making any headway at all
All I see is a bleak future and a horrible summer in front of me
I’m just functioning
I do get up on a morning and go to bed at night with Paul’s Rab jacket
How we’ve got to 31 weeks I just don’t know I’m just bundling along acting when I go out not out out but you know what I mean
I’ve been to the churchyard this afternoon and had a long conversation with Paul
I hurt inside the hurt us just unbearable
Been together since I was 17 married 44 years been together 48 year
We had Paul’s funeral on our 44th wedding anniversary I chose the day it just seemed right
If we’d known the outcome on that day in 1978 ……
I’m having counselling and councillor Claire says there no such word as
Should’ve or could’ve
Having a bad day I’m drowning in tears
Thank you again
Xx
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Hi Bess I have those days things will get better the law of averages say they will, It is all awful everything we knew changed when they died,the path we plotted went out of the window. Embrace the people who support you and ditch the people who dont. My husbands sister was one of those toxic people now she is out of my life I feel much better. You take care and we all have those bad days x
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Morning Heather 56
Sound advice thank you
Yes all our paths changed didn’t they?
Somehow to have to find a ‘new’ path but it’s so bloody hard
Yes too to ditching toxic folk / friends
Our situation certainly sorts the men from the boys with some surprises along the way
Thank you again support here means so much:+1:
Xx
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Hello and I am so sorry for your terrible grief I am going through exactly the same .Every word iyou have written is as if I have written it .I still can’t deal with the whole agonising thing.My husband left home on the day he died to get antibiotics from A&E as he sufferedwithnInterstitial Lung Disease and 45 mins later a Dr rang me to say he had died .I was screaming on the phone with shock and I am the same today .He died 5 months ago and sometimes I think I can’t keep going.I have no family but sometimes talking on this forum is so helpful and I am due to start counselling soon and pray I can get some help.
I didn’t know such sadness was possible and everything seems pointless but we somehow have to keep going if we can.
Annx
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It’s hard when you are on your own, l am lucky l still work.
This may sound daft but my cat keeps me going , he wakes me up every morning and is company. I have always had animals and am getting a dog soon as l had planned this with my hubby who died six months ago.
When I have a day when I am off l try and set myself goals like washing the windows or go shopping and going for a walk.
It’s bloody awful not having him here we were together 40years but he is still with me l carry him in my mind and always in my heart 
xx
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Hello 19Lefke95
So sad to read your post.
I feel and know how you feel. Your loss is overwhelming and unbearable.
You are doing so well to get to 5 months.
Counselling will definitely help so try to stay with it as can take time to realise you are feeling a bit better. We all have had to learn to live again whether we want to or not which is the strength we have as human beings but it is so difficult and no easy way through it I’m afraid.
Keep posting how you feel as we are all here for you and totally understand every feeling you have
Love and thinking of you xx
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Hi 19 Lefke95
Welcome
Yes everybody on here understands how you feel completely……we all feel the same
Alone bereft frightened devastated shocked in disbelief the list just goes on and on and on
Yes give counselling a go I am having counselling since September Paul passed away 24th July 2022 date haunts me
I think it helps can’t say how or why but I think it is
My counsellor Claire is lovely but she has no magic wand grief is personal unique and a reflection of how much we lived our soulmates
My heart aches it’s so intensely painful like everyone in here
Some days I don’t function I’m just awake ……
Post on here we listen understand and respond because we are going through the grief the distress the hurt the pain the tears (many) together
Take care
Xx
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It’s now 1 year, 11 and a half weeks since my life ended. I still go through the motions every day, existing, not living. I visited my GP in February with a list of all the rubbish stuff that had happened over the previous year, from Pete’s shock diagnosis. She was horrified and we both cried. She prescribed antidepressants with a sleeping element in. She believes im suffering PTSD, and advised me to contact our local counselling service. I haven’t…yet. My problem being I don’t drive, they don’t visit. I’m nervous of buses and cabs. Nothing is easy. My daughter and my younger sister are very good, but i hate relying on them as they both work. My son has extreme mental health problems, i rarely see him. I joined Townswomens Guild and U3A. TG are all ‘so old’ mentally, compared to me. U3A is mostly couples, i struggle with being a singleton. I’m doing the things Pete and I planned together. New porch being built, new driveway next…! I’ve booked a holiday to Memphis, (it was cancelled when Pete got ill). I’m taking my sister. It will be bittersweet. We’ll be there for Pete’s 70th Birthday. The family say it will be a fitting tribute to him. I feel so guilty he’s not physically going to be with me. I try and get excited, planning the trip, but inside I’m dreading it. WHY should I be enjoying something when he’s not here. I don’t really enjoy anything anymore. I just go through the motions. Every night I tell Pete I’m one day closer to being together again. I resent people who still have their partners. If they’re arguing, I want to shout STOP, youll regret it when they’ve gone. I hate when people tell me I’m doing well, they know nothing of how I’m feeling. Sorry for the long rant, I’ve had a few really bad days recently.
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Hi grannysmith16
So sorry to hear of your recent bad days.I’m not sure why I’m replying except to reassure you you’re not alone.
I share your sadness , despair,guilt , regret.& it’s been 2& half years now.Your post could have been mine. I recently went to GP for help but I refused the pills & agreed to counselling but that’s a joke, trying to arrange. Lists are supposed to be sent but never arrive & after having assessments you’re basically told to make arrangements yourself. If you can get through that then a lot do offer online sessions so do try.
I live in south east & wanted to find local support groups who would understand eg friendship groups/ coffee mornings but am told by 1 well known bereavement organisation my nearest is 25/30 miles away & I have to go through a full vetting process before being accepted !!
Like you I’ve tried travelling, going out trying to socialise , be proactive etc but the sadness of doing it alone overwhelms me.
There seems so little support for grievers. further down the line, family have moved on with their lives & we are left in a void, just existing in this empty way.
Sorry to add my rant to yours ( & a lot of waffle ) but would be happy to chat privately if it would help you in the future.
Hugs to you. X
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Hi All
Readings posts on here is definitely reassuring…… in the fact I’m not losing the plot
I am 1 year 2 days into this horrendous new life
I hate it
I too exist daily
No point no reason definitely no enjoyment
I hear Paul saying come on your doing well
Actually Paul I’m not I’ve lost everything
I m fragile bewildered lost …. List endless
We were a couple since I was 17 married 45 years on the 5th August 2023 except Paul won’t be here
Held his funeral last your 5/8 it was ‘right’ for me
I’m having counselling started 3rd October 2022
We to had no family
My counsellor says it’s very early says it’s still raw will it ever be an different
Paul was / is my life
Xx
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