@Lumrt
You’re not crazy, just so so sad. We all are.
I had a few days of almost constant crying last week, no particular reason, I’d been keeping busy as I always try to do.
I think it was just time for the flood gates to open again. I’m expecting lots of that in the years to come.
Been like that myself today. Was quite positive earlier then I tried to pay funeral director and the bank stopped it till I answered security questions. Then I couldn’t get a heater to work. Doesn’t take much to start on a downward spiral does it
@Flo56
It takes so much energy to keep positive, and every now and then I crack.
Usually, if I’ve had three consecutive days on my own I crash and burn, leaving me suicidal and resentful of what my “life” has become.
I try and make sure I’ve got something to focus on or someone to visit every couple of days but it doesn’t always work out.
I do tell myself that Luie wouldn’t want me sobbing and so bloody sad, but I can’t help it sometimes.
Just want to reassure you all that I might feel like ending it all and joining Luie but I would never cause pain to my sons or my granddaughters. However, if God took me then I would go gladly.
Strangely, I also think (and pray) that those feelings will go with enough time.
Yes I seem to be positive for a few days then it doesn’t take much to knock me over. Just had so much I have had to focus on recently. Had to go to Spain as we had sold apartment but sadly he died before it was signed over so had to go sign with lawyer so sale can continue. Not likely to go through till late March but I have left it ready for the buyer in case I don’t want to go back. No rush now though as reason for selling was so we could go to other places. Spent12 days decluttering there and now starting here so I can put on market…… we had planned to do this and house is way too big for me. Going back to Aquafit tomorrow for first time.
I haven’t got suicidal thoughts but once I have everything in order so not leaving my girls with any problems I wouldn’t be bothered if I went. Planning on taking some of his ashes to the places he wanted to go once Spanish sale has gone through. Have today set up a meeting with his oncologist as there are so many questions I need answers to
It sounds as though you’re being kept busy.
That works for me up to a point and then you need to take a break and that gives space for the emotional tidal wave!
It’s hateful that the things we planned together cannot be now.
I’d had a similar thought with ashes. I hadn’t wanted them to be split but his sons didn’t want me to have them all to do with as he wished, his complete ashes to be buried at my mum’s memorial rosebush.
So … As they’re already split I’ll put some there and some places special to us that I’ll scatter the rest.
I think I’m back at the numb phase, hardly any feeling except a deep down sadness.
Hi the exact same thing happened to me about 7 weeks ago my husband was only 58 and I’m only 55, I also feel lost without him and I’m a registered nurse and couldn’t revive him I feel traumatised by that day. All I can say is keep busy and surround yourself with family and friends as distraction helps me so much. I have reached out to a bereavement counselling charity and Iam waiting for an appointment at the moment and I have also joined a talk about grief group however I haven’t attended a meeting yet but will do soon.
I hope you can reach out to as much help as you can it always helps to talk and not bottle things up xx
So so sad i no it must have been a shock
Hi
Reading your message is like reading my life now. I lost my wonderful husband last Feb 11. So this is a hard week
As you day no life as he was my life I was blessed we did everything together now besides our dog I have no life I have wonderful family but you cant explain to them they cant understand thank goodness as they have not gone thru it yet
I am trying to join local groups but I just sit there thinking I don’t want to be here I want to be out somewhere with him and the dog or just sat with him watching rubbish telly
But I know that this is now my life and I don’t know how Im going to cope
As you say no point in anything. No purpose to it
I am lonely myself the only thing that keeps me going is traveling but i end up doing that on my own thay say time is a great heeler i dont think so rob
So true time Im afriad doesn’t heal anything
Saturday im scattered my husbands ashes on our favourite place, ive not been there since he died.
I feel my dreams and life have ended,im 54 years old and feel so lonely,my husband passed away 10 weeks ago,o feel a burden to my friends as ive no family now.
Try not to feel lonly
Ja9 Try not to feel lonley, there are plenty of lost souls on here and i’m one of them .
I lost my wife of near 25 years in September very quickly after pancreatic cancer and it had spread to her liver.
I’m 66 and have no idea where my life’s heading. I can’t see me ever getting back ito life the way it was without my soulmate. I take some relief coming on here and getting words of wisdom,and try to help others if i can. Take care 
Cheers silverfox,
Its just tough getting used to being alone now, me and my husband had so many plans and we were soulmates,we did everything together. Its fetting used to emoty bed, emoty house when i get back from work. Its the first of doing everything on your own which is so emotional.
Totally know how you feel we were never apart 27/7 for us,the real hard bit are mornings and night’s,been hooked on films at the moment passes some of the time, not one for books.
Lost my sister four days before my wife she was visiting my wife and collapsed beside her bed with a brain bleed. Losing the two of them has really knocked all the wind from me Take care:heart:
So sorry to hear about losing your wife and sister , Silver Fox, so close together. I’m having a very bad day, it’s this terrible loneliness and depression, I’m hoping tomorrow will be better. I keep reminding myself of all of you out there, we’re all in the same situation. It helps a bit to be on this forum, just to put my thoughts into words. Xx
It is hard isn’t it Patsy. I was having a complete meltdown yesterday, but not been too bad today so far.
Sorry silverfox to hear you lost your partner and sister so close.
My friends husband died 2 days after my husbands funeral. His funeral is next Monday on what would have been my husbands 70 th birthday which we had big plans for. So hard but I will have to put my big girl pants on and be there.
So difficult some days isn’t it xx
Thank you Flo, it helps me a bit to know someone’s there. I think you will have strength for the funeral and I’m sure your husband will be there in spirit. Xx
I don’t particularly. I try to keep busy and i have 6 grown-up children who look out for me. My daughter-in-law has been Hazel’s executor, and two of my kids organised the funeral.
First thing in the morning and the evening are the worst, and i don’t like Sundays.
I know what she wants me to, and I’m trying, but I’m finding it tough.
I know these feelings well the nights and mornings are real lump in the throat times.
I used to have all her medication ready for her bread in the toaster cereal in the bowl butter and marmalade there for the toast. Having family around and they are helping with organisation of things is a boost as your mind will be all over the place. Hope you can summon the strength for yourself.
Take care