I’ve done so well for the last few days but tonight is not good.
I don’t want to cry. It makes no bloody difference and I just end up with a sore throat, sore eyes and a headache.
And I’m still alone.
I’ve been with various people all day, work and visiting friends but I still came home to an empty silent house.
I watched another three episodes of Outlander, I seem to be escaping into the story, but when I turn off the TV and go to bed reality hits me right in the face again.
I miss Luie so much, I miss him asking if I want a coffee, I miss stroking his hair while we watched a film. He would massage my poor aching feet.
I miss him snoring and having the cheek to tell me I snore!
I miss him, I just miss him.
Hi
Yes the getting up in the morning and the turning off of he telly after watching rubbish you don’t really take in then, going back up the stairs on your own is the worse feeling
No matter how many people you are with during the day the loneliness is breathtaking
I’ve been very low for a few days now, the loneliness is eating away. I’m not able to get out very often. I have lots of phone calls but go for days without seeing a single soul. Family and friends are so far away. Not so long ago I had this terrible anger towards my late husband, thankfully that’s all gone, now it’s the terrible sadness, missing Him so much, wishing he was here.
@Patsy219
I feel for you, I’m able to get in my car and go somewhere if I want to. Even if it’s just the shops, to see other people and at least hear their conversations.
I’ve found it there’s a grief cafe at my local library second Feb of each month. I’d like to try that.
Maybe there’s something similar in your area? Cruse has a list of places and I expect there’s a similar list on here somewhere!
I got up this morning with a plan for the day. Breakfast in townwith my son and now heading to Lytham foe a bereavement group and then a chippy tea at my daughter’s before she runs me home.
However, i feel an empty desolation because i miss Hazel so much
There is a purpose to it (for me anyway) in that Hazel’s legacy is a family of 6 kids and 12 grandkids. I have to find a way to live with it for their sake and because I’d promised Hazel i would!!!
It’s only 6 weeks and 4 days and she’s been part of my life for 44 years and still is.
You put one step in front of the other each day and do no more than you feel able to. Some days that isn’t a great deal but accept it. It’s like being in a fog to be honest. You also had to deal with a traumatic situation I too lost my husband in a way which leaves very difficult memories but I try to hang on to the wonderful memories I have of our lives together. I think it’s important to try and go out every day even if just for a short walk. Friends who have never been in this situation think they understand but I’m afraid they don’t. So take any comments which upset you with a pinch of salt. Put no expectations on either yourself or them then you won’t be disappointed. Remember day at a time. Take care.
Thank you Flower you’re very kind. There isn’t a group near me. I will get in touch with Cruse, I just can’t do it today as know I’d go to pieces and they wouldn’t understand a thing I said. Xxx
I was going for walks most days, but not for a couple of weeks. I must start again doing short walks soon . Thank you for that Karot. I know it helps. I just need to get motivated, I’ll try tomorrow. X
Today I feel so low. It’s not been 6weeks yet I’m still in a daze. I’ve just been trying to sort out his pensions and bank. I feel as if I’ve gone back to the beginning again. Everyone says he wanted this for you to live your life etc. but you can’t just get up and run! I want to sleep forever with him. I’m trying to carry on but can’t really see the point. We were 2 halves that fitted perfect. Not to hear him again let alone see and touch him. He was a giant if a man . BFG. Gentle and kind. Bloody cancer. Swift and painful. God I miss him so much.x
Patsy219
Yes give Cruse a go my wife who past away 4 months ago used them when she lost her husband i the ninties said they really helped her. You can just talk to them on the phone or ask for a one to one meeting.
I myself have been in contact and waiting to hear back. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place myself mornings and night’s the worst.
We were together nearly 25 years.
Take care
Thank you for that Silverfox. I’m going to call Cruse when I know I’ll be able to hold it together on the phone. That’s two positive suggestions now about Cruse. Sorry for your loss. Xx
@Patsy219
Even if you can only speak long enough to ask for an email. Then you can take your time and say what you need to.
I sometimes wonder about a zoom because then it doesn’t matter where you are in the country but then I remember it’s human contact we need. It can’t replace our partners but it softens the hard edges of grief.
My 6 year old granddaughter just randomly leant over and gave me a hug in the restaurant tonight. She loved her grandad so much, she misses him too. Lovely moment for us both.
Oh my oh my how many are we so many broken hearts i so agree on all the comments its just heartbreaking that we all are traveling this horrendous road i too do all this telling linda I’m home when i get in and to her photos I’ve now got loads in every room i light the candles for her and the led candles too i want her photos to be in the light and not in the dark i struggle to listen to the radio station we listened to all the time its the only local independent one left now and they have been amazing when i enter there competitions and read out me martin and say his heavenly linda when we get it right it sets me off but we loved doing it I’m really struggling due to not getting any help as yet caring for Linda’s mum who lives with us and is elderly and not in good health so struggling as the system wheels turn so slowly and its dragging me down trying to cope with all her needs and I’m neglecting me im not eating properly and sleep is a distant memory and have lost lots of weight linda passed 8/20/24 so not long ago and at 53 really were expecting us to be together a lot longer than the 14 years we were crying is a daily occurrence several times in fact it just keeps going I’m waiting for complex grief counciling but the waiting lists are horrendous the current times are approx 5 months which is really not fit for purpose i really feel for all on here suffering this horrid situation we find all of us in and all i feel is that i no longer wish to be here anymore without my soulmate if it wasn’t for Linda’s mum relying on me who knows where id be now I’m in a dark place and don’t see any light i even have led candles on at night as i don’t sleep and need that bit of light to see her photo while i cuddle up to her dressing gown i cant even consider looking through her stuff its to difficult
I’m sending a massive hug and love to all this truly is a cruel cruel world
Martin
@Martin64
This may sound dramatic but please call the Samaritans if you’re feeling so low and you feel out of options.
Your situation sounds unbearable, you’ve lost the one you love and are wonderful to continue to care for her mum but are crying out for help.
The wheels turn slowly when you need practical help, but to give you a voice when you need it the Samaritans can help.
We all come to here when we want to vent, ask advice, share feelings. I find it so very helpful but sometimes you need to hear a voice.
To Martin
My love please call the Samaritans. They will listen wether you want to scream or cry. You’re so not alone. I lost my partner just 6 weeks today. Feels like a life time ago. We were a hand a glove. He was a big giant of a man. Gentle and kind. I force myself to try and do bits as he unknown to me had made all my friends promise to make me live my life. It’s hard love. Please don’t let your lovely wife down in what she would have wanted for you. I’m sending hugs and prayers. For you and for all of us. Keep on this site as people will help each other.xx
I’m thinking of everyone on this forum , it’s all so heartbreaking for all of us. I just wanted to say that I’ve been out for a little walk this afternoon and I feel good that I did . It was literally baby steps . Coming back to empty house not so good but I’ll try and do it tomorrow again. I think it might help if I could have a good cry but, I’m one of those people who can’t. X X
