My darlign friend died 115 months ago and I had him buried not too far from me and I go about every two weeks. To me its a personal thing and I dont consider every two weeks over the top but not according to some people round here who seem to think Im living my life around a grave. Any thoughts?
I go at least once a week (usually Sunday afternoon) plus any day I’m working from home. So perhaps an average of 1.5 times a week. It’s a short walk from home. Seems disrespectful not too. I usually run though what our 5 (mostly grown up) kids are up to and an update on her parents.
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I know someone whose wife died 6 years ago and he visits her grave every day for a couple of hours. It’s your choice what you want to do and has got nothing to do with anyone else take no notice everyone is different in how they deal with things. Take care
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I see my husband every day the week I got his urn at home on the fire surround on our electric heater ( with a faked fire) bought April 2015 , his photo in front his urn with a white angel but brown broken wings, a gold and silver heart and red roses of three, my two robbins who my husband bought for me because he loves me.I do dust my husbands urn when it’s a bit dusty.When I got my husband’s ashes home first ‘ I could smell him .I wear my husband around my neck and ring finger ashes into glass,
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My wife of 28 years died at 54 1st Sept 2016 . I have a real candle permanently lit on her grave. I have to cover it up every night to keep the cemetery manager happy and then uncover it every morning. Seeing the real living flames gives me comfort. I go up 2 to 3 times a day and have met a few other men that attend every day. One of them lost his wife 8 years ago.
It’s hard when we spent all our time together except for the 8 hours a day when at work.
It’s been 15 months and I’m still dead inside with life having now meaning any more. I’m just wasting time hoping that my time comes sooner rather than later.
I know it’s wrong to think like this .
I hope and wishes go out to you all and hope you manage to cope and remember the good times that you had with the loves of your lives
Sorry about being so depressing
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My wife died just over a month ago and I find going to her graveside gives me a chance to talk to her, vent my feeling, get angry, say stuff I wouldn’t in front of others
Is that strange? Don’t care
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I haven’t been back to the burial site since we had the celebration thingy in March. It’s a bit of a trek and I need someone to take me there in a car but I don’t really know if I’m ready to go. I tried to arrange twice to visit with first my daughter and then my sister a few weeks ago, but the first time my daughter’s car had problems and then I sprained my ankle before the second visit. Perhaps I need to wait until I feel stronger or have my own car next year?
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Do whatever feels right for you. There is no wrong or right. If you want to go every day, then do so. I lost my mum in May and I visit most days. Every day since May I have had fresh flowers on her grave. Obviously the weather has been pretty decent, but it will start getting colder and wetter and I visit quite as often when the season changes soon. But I find it a place of peace and contentment. I am lucky in that we have a beautiful cemetery with lots of birds and squirrels and it is just so peaceful to be able to sit at her graveside and tell her how beautiful the flowers look, and just randomly chat about my day. I used to visit her every day in her care home, so I just feel like this is a continuation of that. Sharing love and happiness as I am sure she can still hear me. I know I don’t have to visit the graveside because I am pretty sure she will still be around me in spirit wherever I am, but I like the peacefulness there and time to reflect. xxx
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I have my Mums, Dads, and my sons ashes all in big pots out in my garden. I talk to them each day each with a different conversation. Today was the 3rd anniversary of my Mum passing away, spent ages with her talking. It gives me so much peace. It’s different with my son he was 35, he makes me so upset and angry that he should be here but drugs got the better of him, but at least he is at peace xx
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It would be good to know what helps to accept that Bridget is dead. I went to the meadow today and I talk but I wonder if it helps.
I ordered some photos from Snapysnaps off of the computer and received them today. I’ve put them into an album, just Bridget during her time in the home and towards the end. The more I look the more I realise that I can’t accept that this person looking at me and smiling isn’t there anymore. it’s like I could get in the car now and go see her. How can this face looking at me and smiling is dead and gone? It’s all beyond strange and bizarre.
I just wish there was a method, a technique for lessening this non acceptance. Time I’m told, don’t look at the photos, but it’s so hard not to as I need to be close and reminded of her all the time.
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@No1 like you i have hubbys ashes at home, he is on the shelf at the top of the stairs surrounded by his dog ornaments. but believe me i have had right go’s at him, told him exactly what i thought of the mess he left me in, the lies and crafty stuff he did that i only found out about after he died. i have called him everything, we were married 48 yrs and i loved him but i am still angry at him.
@Dutchman who told you not to look at photos? they are the best thing to keep a person alive. i had my hubbys photo put on my phone cover so he is there every day
I’ve worked out its a 13 mile walk to my sons burial site, i’ve only been up the day after his funeral 7 weeks ago, its his birthday in January and im hoping to walk to it then, though these last 11 weeks i’m only doing a mile a day
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I’m waiting for someone to take me to my husband’s burial site as it’s too far to walk to. I know that we will all be visiting as a family in March because that is when they have a tree planting ceremony, but I still think I should go before. Still I do say to myself that he’d only want me to go when I am ready. Hope you manage the walk.
My son is out in his resting place outside my patio windows, I get comfort from him being so close to me, talk to him for ages when I’m out there but always talking to him in my head. I still write my journal daily, I find it really helps me. I would say to anyone on here try the journal writing, someone on here suggested it. It doesn’t matter where are loved ones are the most important thing they will always be in our heart, even if our hearts are totally broken at the moment x
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I do write in a journal, probably once a week now, and I do feel it helps because there is still so much I want to say to him. xx
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I try to visit my mum’s grave every few days since she passed in May, although when the weather is miserable like today, that’s not an option! However, I really don’t think we need to be visiting regularly, unless it helps us. I just like to make sure her fresh flowers look beautiful on there. I do admit I talk to her at the grave and tell her what I’ve been doing with my day, because it just feels like a continuation of what we had. But I don’t really think I need to be there, where her ‘physical’ body is. It can get a bit ‘repetitive’ if you know what I mean. I truly believe she will be around me, wherever I am in the world, guiding me on and wanting the very best for me. We are soul energy, with love that can never die. xxx
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I was going to Bridget’s grave today but the weather is awful and the meadow very exposed. She would’ve understood. Anyway I have continued walking problem and I believe a cold coming on. Just wrapping up warm and bunkered down for the rest of the day
My wife was exactly 1 year ago yesterday 13th October i go every Friday with a 38 mile round trip sometimes by car sometimes with my bus pass my sister said it was to much but it is my choice and would be so upset if i didn’t do it it’s our choice and nobody else’s do what makes you happy
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Exactly. Noone can grieve for us so no one has a say on to grieve.,
I think it’s so appalling this loss of a love one that anything goes. Do anything you want ( without hurting others of course).
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