My TVs not working, YouTube it is then. Night night everyone x
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Night night everyone x
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slept 11.30 till 1.30 Ben wide awake since rgen up at 3 to see what the day brings, hope its nice but doubt it,I can live in hope for the time being, people I thought would come around who I thought were good friends don’t, but I know I would have been there for them,we still talk but its different as I don’t see them now as people I can rely on,people I have helped in the past when they needed it, I’m very disalusioned now with a lot of people well most
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Thank you for sharing brummie, my husband also was such a kind and generous person ,always smiling , I miss him so much
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Dear Spike
I’ve been sat in the garden listening to the birds wake up, small pleasures. It’s not cold out so hopefully a nice day.
People are strange, it’s as if they don’t want to be tainted with our loss. My two closest friends I’ve not seen since the funeral. Arrangements were made then cancelled, then made again. I’ve given up.
Nothing now is that important, we live the nightmare in our own heads. I’m just trying to make each day a little easier for me. I know I feel a little lighter after I’ve been with company, even just the bereavement group or for a walk. My new thing on a dry day is buying my lunch and sitting in the park.
Hope your day goes okay and the sun shines for you x
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thank you, I walk just before 7 with a few people then try to get out, I tried walking with a local community walking club but got there and could not do it as I thought they would ask questions and I’d get upset, love to try to go out for lunch but cant face going on own,I use to be so confident talking to everyone,how its changed me, decided to grow my goatee beard back to get the j Depp look wife use to love it, gives me something to do in mornings styling that and the mustache. hope you try to have a nice day be lovely if you can xxx
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Hi Helen, I’ve noticed this a lot with people who I wouldn’t say were close friends as I really don’t have any but people we knew well enough to spend a few minutes chatting etc. one such couple who live opposite who are older than us would always have a talk most days, have spent the last few months giving little waves and rushing off. Now the wife of this couple had a heart transplant during COVID and they have had death hanging over them but I think it is as if talking to me they have to go to a place they prefer to imagine doesn’t exist. I don’t begrudge them because of their situation though when wife had just died it did seem hurtful.
Have a lovely day
Tom
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Dear Tom and Spike
My sister has been honest with me. She said it has really shaken them, that this could happen without warning to such a fit and healthy (he seemed so) man. It frightened them. Since Stephen died they have done power of attorney, wills and are now getting married in may. They have been together for many years but until I mentioned what I read on here about probate and the difficulties if your not married they had no intention.
It’s facing death that scares people I think.
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Good morning Tom
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Good morning thank you I am exactly the same I constantly cry and think about my beautiful wife so so much I totally agree why does God take the good life is so cruel I remember just weeks before my wife passed I was sitting at the back door in the sun having my toast and tea my wife came out but she never knew I was sitting there she said to me that I looked like a wee lost soul sitting in the sun enjoying the peace of quiet I reply I am but now I am a lost broken hearted soul now I seem to have got worse I not sure if it’s the change of season plus it is coming up to the anniversary I am just so frightened all the time I was coming home from work yesterday and poor sadness came over me really overwhelmed I just broke down crying in my van tears running down my face I allso took a panic attack it just came on so suddenly I am so alone and I miss my wife so so much I do wish I could be with her I cant stand this sadness loneliness longing for my wife so broken now I just feel I cant stand this cruel life I try my best but everyday is a constant fight with me I totally understand that I am not the only one who has lost there loved one and are struggling to all we can do is be there and try help each other the best that we can please take care
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Morning, you are right to do something for you. This is what my GP told me “do one nice thing for yourself each day”, even if it’s just getting up and showered rather than staying in bed you have done a positive.
Yes company does help so very much,sadly when they leave and you are left on your own again that’s when the grief pain creeps back in. It’s hard to not let it consume you but we have to try.
I truly believe that the only people that understand me now are those that have lost their partner. I would never wish this on any of my friends or family but sadly until they experience it themselves they will never fully understand 
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@Helen39 morning
You are right about a death with no warning fighting people. My son and daughter in law have now done wills and power of attorneys .And some of my neighbours have now done their wills . I am in the process of redoing my will. I have had some people offering to met up for a coffee and letting me down . I like you I believe the only people who understand are the ones that have lost their partners .
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Morning Everyone
Hope you all have the best day possible. I have to sort my phone out today as it is at the end of its contract. Hoping to get a good deal.
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I use to be afraid of death but when I was about 17I decided I would choose when, did not want to suffer like a lot did just after the war in the 50s,early 60s,don’t ever want to go in a home or when I’m not capable of looking after myself that would be my time, but now like a lot of others facing the nightmare we are in its testing a lot of my feelings, who wants to live for the next 20 odd years like this but hopefully should get better for us,why we ask but there is no answer,what a test of faith
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Morning All..
My day started at 5.45 with the prince of darkness using n scratching his litter tray.
I bagged and went to throw on patio as too early to walk to the bins and he snook out with the speed of a deer under next doors static. Would he come out…absolutely not..he shot off in the other direction.
I’m stood in nightie looking a complete fright hoping not to shock any early rising neighbours whilst whispering his name.
Not a pretty site, bags under eyes you could pack to go abroad…!!!
Panic stations as he doesn’t know this place but at that time in the morning I can’t go round shouting ‘ Jerry ‘so decided on a coffee.
Drank that and then thought I better get dressed n walk around this small site which is just a fantastic woody cat place with masses of bloody great big black birds that caw all the time, plus a partridge that wanders round the garden area making one helluva din, hence my indoor cat being tortured n wants to get out.
So I get dressed to walk to the bins and look for him and there he is as large as life back again…purely for food of course with the blasted noisy partridge standing not two foot away from him.
I think they’re great friends now
He eats and now sat at the door wanting to wander out again.
When I get back home will he go out…not a chance…
It’s gonna be a very long day I can tell…
Hope everyone else manages a more peaceful day..
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@Mitzi1 i glad you’re got your cat back , It must have been scary for you . i hope the rest of your day goes better for you .
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Morning everyone,
it is overcast but fingers crossed for some sun.
Meeting a fiend for tea and a chat.
Wishing you peace and comfort.
Take care x
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Morning Mitzi
You’ve had an adventure already this morning, it made me smile. Your cat knows where his bread is buttered, I’d let him out to play. Maybe sit outside with treats.
Hope you have a good day x
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Tears non stop this evening. I decided to trade in some of Ray’s music gear on a website. He has lots of sequencers, synths etc was building them up for the last few years, ready to retire and wanted to write and produce music. Worked so hard for all of this, then got the horrendous 6 week diagnosis of pancreatic cancer which took him at lightning speed.
I remember in the hospital he said to me we’ll have to make a list of everything you have to sell. It broke my heart and I had to keep the tears in, as I knew it was breaking his too. Just at that moment his friend popped his head in to see him. We never got to make the list.
Was stood in his music room this evening thinking how bloody unfair life is and I’m just so sad right now…
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