Thank you x
1 Like
Good morning everyone firstly have a peaceful Easter I am really really struggling I keep punish myself I come home on Friday from work come in closed all my blinds and shut the world out I am feeling really low and really sad lonely a d the emptiness is killing me with out my beautiful wife hear with me I have been struggling all week I woke up yesterday morning and I got up started to walk down the stairs and I thought I cant do this so turned and went straight back to bed I never got out of bed the full day I knew I was going to be in for a hard weekend as it is the holidays I have not been off work any longer than the Saturday and Sunday now I am off longer and I am really struggling my wife and I bought our forever home and we both love it but now I thought to myself how sad and lonely and emptiness the house is now it is really really making me so sad as we did do so much to it back in 2024 and this time last year we where trying to do the garden I have absolutely no motivation anymore so exhausted all the time I am so isolated now nobody calls they was 1 neighbour that was nice when I lost my wife at the beginning but now it gets me so angry to see everyone going about there family life I know it’s wrong of me I thought I was ne er the jealous type but turns out I am and I hate who I have become I was my wifes superhero and I promised her I would keep her safe but I feel I could not do that and I feel so guilty that I am hear and my wife is not I never slept a wink last night I only got to sleep after 6 am this morning for about a couple of hours I have got up and looked out my have closed blind to see it was snowing really heavy I keep turning myself back to this time last year when it was so so nice the sun was out and I was washing the car in the sun and tidying up as my wife had been sitting down on her wee seat doing the weeds I remember everything as if it was like yesterday I don’t ever switch off from thinking I really really wish I could get a break I have been reading that some of you have been having family issues and it’s is so horrible I am the sort of person that never asked for help for anything but last year when it was my first birthday only a couple of months after my beautiful wife had passed away I come home from work sat down looked about and thought I am really really so alone with no one I cried my eyes out like I do everyday since loosing my wife I thought I would give the dice the last throw I traced my we brother down I contacted his work as I did not know where he stayed and I left my number he texted me back about a week later it was so so nice we never contacted each other after the loss of my dad who passed away in 2003 and in Aug last year we had meet up after all that Tim of not seeing him it was so good I told him about me and I said that I really need him more than ever he works alot and he hardly sees me we have texted but it’s not often I told him that I want to get to know him and his family more the day we had meet up he had told me that he lost his son during covid times to mental health issues I am so so sad about it as the last time I seen him must have been a cpl of years before covid I was on a night out with work and I was coming off the bus and I heard someone called me uncle I never thought nothing else about it anyway this person followed me off the bus and it was my nephew I was shocked to see him and we talked I told him to say to my brother I was asking for him but nothing else happened I am starting to think now what’s the point in reaching out to him as I never see or hear much from him the last time I seen him was christmas I texted him a few times after that again told him how I feel a d I am in a dark place but he just don’t seem to grasp how much I need him I texted him again on Friday when I come home but never heard from him till the next day he said he was down at his caravan and he was off for the weekend I did have a gut feeling about it it has really really hurt me I am starting to think what’s the point I have done all the running to him and he can’t make much time to come see me I really really am so so sorry I am rambling on but I am so so down and the sadness I feel is killing me I do still pray that I can be with my wife so much everyday the pain I am feeling every day is so intense I don’t recognise myself anymore and I am just so broken I do understand we all have problems but we can only just try be there for one another take care everyone
6 Likes
its a awful situation to be in ,I lost my wife in jan,like u I cry every single day, I cant sleep more than a hour or 2 tops so I get up and stay up, weekends always bad this a long one, I don’t know what I will do cant live like this forever,
1 Like
I am so sorry you’re having such a rough time. I know the weekend s are hard, and Easter is a long weekend. Have you reached out to find some counselling. I had some counselling for 6 weeks and I found really helpful having someone to talk to . Look after yourself
1 Like
Well that was an interesting night (think that’s the polite thing to call it!) I’m in N. Wales (Porthmadog) in my touring caravan, everythings all fine & intacked this morning & with a quick look out, it looks like everyone else has survived the night. It was rather bumpy to say the least, it’s a good thing I don’t get seasick! Woke up at 6.15 not feeling the best, tummy a bit off, went to the toilet & back to bed, usually I’d take my tablet, which needs taking on an empty stomach & atleast 30mins before anything else, as I wasn’t feeling great I didn’t. So now I’m all behind usual today as went back to sleep until 9.15! Still not feeling 100% but better than earlier.
When Rachel was here we wouldn’t have been away this weekend, as she was part of the ministry team at Church. The Easter after we lost her, I had a call from the Vicar and she asked if it was possible to have one of Rachel’s Easter slogan tshirts, for Messy Church on Easter Saturday, to make into a banner, to be carried by Church members at the Easter Pilgrimage, to St Albans Cathedral on Easter Monday, so that Rachel was with them! I gave them one with ‘He Is Risen’ across it & a picture of the stone rolled away.
A few months later I took Mum to the funeral of a lady who’d run Brownie & Guide packs along with Mum & later my sister, she was also a friend of Rachel’s through the Church. So I’d also known her since I was a small child. We were sat in the church, with everyone else arriving & I suddenly saw the banner, standing in the corner, which completely broke me, I wasn’t prepared for seeing it there.
Today I would’ve been at either my Mum’s or Rachel’s parents house cooking roast lamb for us all, there would usually be the same 6 of us as at Christmas. I can’t remember what happened last year, as it was the 2nd without Rachel & 1st without my Mum. This year I’ve stayed away in the caravan, I’m supposed to be cooking a roast in here today but I’m not sure I really feeling up to doing so, or really want it.
Hope everyone is having a not too bad day today, ‘special days’ are always a bit harder than ordinary days to ‘get through’ as we miss our loved ones more (if that’s really possible) and the things we’d be doing. I don’t have any really close relations now, there’s my Mum’s brother (he was friends with Rachel’s uncle at school) & his family who wasn’t great at keeping in touch regularly with Mum when she was still here. His wife has now been diagnosed with dementia so he’s even worse now (she used to remind him to call) I do text him from time to time and he’ll eventually reply. I haven’t seen him since just before Christmas and that was only very brief, as he’d left my aunty looking after their grandkids (eldest is nearly a teenager) so he didn’t want to leave her to long. The only other family I have are my in-laws. My Dad’s side of the family are more distantly related as Dad’s half-brother & half-sister were much older than him, his eldest nephew was only a couple of years younger than him and we haven’t heard from him for a few years & the younger nephew lives in Australia. I don’t even know if he got my letter telling him about Mum passing away as I haven’t heard from him, he may have passed away now for all I know. Dad’s niece went to school with my MIL (our families are very entertwined!) she passed away a few years ago, she’d moved away quite a few years ago to marry her 2nd husband, we hadn’t seen each other for many years as she’d been too ill to travel down. We’d kept intouch over the internet & I am friends on fb with her daughter, whose a year younger than me and now really looks like her Mum.
Our families knew each other for many years before me & Rachel became an item, Rachel’s grandparents lived close to my grandparents just round the corner in the next road. When I was small were we lived was much smaller than it is now & pretty much everyone knew each other, our family especially as my Dad was the local milkman. When I was a baby my MIL coverted the pram my Mum had for me! My brother-in-law (also my best friend at school) is 6months younger than me. It was a big navy ‘coachbuilt’ one, she did however say it would have been no use to her, she’s only short and wouldn’t have been able to see where she was going! When he first started the job my Mum asked him “if it was true, what they say about milkmen”, Dad had replied “ how would I know, if anything like that took place you’d know before I got home!” When I became the local milkman many years later I didn’t reveal to my customers to begin with as many of the older ones would probably have seen “the milkman’s baby” when I was in my pram! They did eventually discover who I was but not all at once! Sadly it’s no longer a small village where everone knew everyone else, many people here now don’t even know their nextdoor neighbours, it’s now a small town probably 4 or 5 times the size (at least) to when I was small, due mainly to being on the Thameslink mainline and London only about 45minutes away.
I think I’ve rambled on for long enough again! Happy Easter (at lest as good as possible) to you all, who are unfortunate enough to qualify to be on this awful journey.
3 Likes
I had 6weeks counselling with Cruse (eventually, it was a long waiting list) only problem I had was getting past the “I’m doing ok mask” which my brain automatically switches to whenever I’m talking to anybody, I think it stems from being customer facing most of my working life. Finally toward the end of the 4th session I managed to get passed it and share how I was really! She did say at the end that it was good we’d finally got past it but then there was only 2sessions left. I have the same problem when I visit the Gp about my mental health, I have been seeing the Primary Care Mental Health Practioner at the surgery but I’ve now had all the sessions I can have with her! So I’m now waiting for an appointment with the Social Prescriber that she’s now referred me on to! I know it’s all due to cutting costs but all this waiting around between different people doesn’t help with my ability to actually open up to them & be honest with them about how I actually feel.
I know it not easy waiting for the cruise counselling.And you’re right there is a long waiting list . It took about 3 weeks before I started to feel the benefits from it . You can refer yourself again for some more counselling you just face a long wait. Hope you’re feeling better soon . When I was a child we always used to go to Ryhl and stay in a caravan park. I remember the seagulls landing on the roof of the caravan really early and waking us up. I also remember the wind rocking the caravan. Look after yourself
1 Like
I lost my wife in may 2025 it was our wedding anniversary on the 11th of may we had went back to the place where we had got married we went back there every year the only thing we did different was stay in the hotelon the grounds where we got married we went back on the 10th may we had booked ourselves to be there from the Saturday to the Monday we had such a beautiful day together and we took pics we had such a beautiful day I would never have thought later that evening I would loose my wife so so suddenly in the hotel where we where ment to have stayed I suffer so so much with the trumma seeing everyone doing there best and paramedics I have been struggling everyday since I cant accept what happened and how cruel life is I just cant I do understand everyone’s pain and loss I truly do but at such a young age that we both are is so hard
3 Likes
my day like a lot full of sadness and lonely over the Easter period no one called, a few months ago my house was always full of people dropping in,from family to friends,sometimes I had nowhere to sit, now its just a empty space,why I ask I suppose its because I’m grieving and they used to come my house for fun,drinks laughter etc which at the moment is not there, you sure find who your true friends are I meen proper friends, I think honestly there are none when you are down,no one it seems neads me anymore while I’m like this.I now visit friends who never used to call anyway has they had there own lives,ex girlfriends and there husbands,old school friends etc I can just drop in on them and they are good people ,
I fully understand what you mean about at a young age, my wife had her 50th birthday, we never got to celebrate it. She decorated a birthday cake on Saturday to take to Church on Sunday, they were having it with prosecco after the service and she didn’t feel well, I had to fetch her home where she kept being sick. We were going out for a meal that evening for her birthday (on Monday) which we had to cancel as we ended up in A&E as she couldn’t even keep water down. They did tests & found nothing so decided she’d got a stomach bug, gave her an antisickness jab & sent us home. On Monday her birthday she just slept all day, didn’t even open her cards. Tuesday she woke up ill, the other end this time! We ended up in A&E again as I couldn’t get her to the toilet, she was too exhausted. They found nothing again but kept her in as she was very dehydrated by then. Wednesday she text to say she’d tested +ve for flu, so no visitors and we’d both had colds so I was query flu too. Thursday she text again to say she was being moved to ICU, Friday the Dr looking after her phoned to say I needed to get there. Half an hour later I was at her bedside with her Dad, 2hours later she departed this world. Just 4days after turning 50. I was 54 we’d been together just over 35years, I discovered I was too old to be considered a young widow (age limit of 50), but much younger than most who attend general bereavement support groups.
Try to take some comfort from you wife’s final day having been a lovely day. The only thing I get comfort from is that she didn’t have to go through this awful existence we’re now stuck in.
3 Likes
Yes I had counciling I have been going for quite sometime I have been trying everything to see if it would help he told me that he will allways be there for me as long as I want him it then got cut back to monthly then last month he said the next season will be the last I am so annoyed with him now he knows I have no friends or family and I have child hood abandoned issues but he has abandoned me just like my mum did and I know it’s not my wifes fault that she was taken from me so add everything into the mix I just don’t know what to do I am stuck take care
2 Likes
I am sorry to hear you had issues with your counselling. Is there any bereavement cafe near where you live They are sometimes run by churches.
2 Likes
Hi
I agree with Sherbet about trying a bereavement group. I tried a few before I found one where I felt comfortable. The one I go too also has a councillor if you want to talk privately. Just sitting talking with others who understand what your going through is therapy in itself. I feel lighter after a coffee and a good chat when I’ve been.
I think quite a few of us are suffering what they now call PTSD. A sudden loss, doing CPR and watching while they try to save our loved ones causes all sorts of trauma. Speaking to the councillor she told me to imagine pulling a blind down over the flashbacks, have a good memory ready to replace it. Keep doing it, but does help.
Take care everyone x
3 Likes
I am so sorry things are so tough @Love01 what a really difficult time you are having it sounds like physically and emotionally. With your nephew I think the grief of bereavement brings out so many different overwhelming feelings of sadness from all directions. I found myself thinking about my ex-husband (it was a relief when we split up as he was an alcoholic) my partners mum who died during covid (I am not sure she liked me much) and any number or other things that just randomly contributed to the total sadness and grief. It sounds like things are really bad for you. Is there anything that helps you get through things at all? Keep posting - we are here for you Nikki x
1 Like
totally agree with the PTSD @Helen39 I have found recounting the story of my partner to kind friends and family passing away very suddenly really helped and it has faded quite a bit. I have come to know someone locally that lost her husband in his sleep not long ago and she told me after a bit of prompting how she found her husband. She hadn’t told anyone before even though she has lots of friends and people around her. I found that tough to hear. PTSD seems to me like photocopying something. The more you copy the copies the more it fades. Probably complete rubbish but it worked a bit for me x
1 Like
Hi brummy,
I hope you managed today, as best as you could.
Take care.
2 Likes
those dogs look like a lot of fun! hope they give you lots of love as you grief
1 Like
Hi love1, I was just having a looking in your area and I wondered if you had tried St. Vincent’s Hospice it has universal therapy groups for people who have lost a loved ones. There are also a monthly groups in a couple of churches one in Barrhead and another in Eastwood. Something a bit different is walking with grief which is run by Accord Hospice in Paisley
Wishing you all the best
Tom 
4 Likes
The dog lover was my wife. She made me promise to hug them which I do but they often go to women in the park looking for affection which is difficult to watch
I hope you have had a lovely day
Tom
9 Likes
Nikfabs
Somewhere on this brilliant site there is a post about why our brains do this to us. I wish I could remember it all but it’s something to do with a chemical the brain releases, it gets used to this chemical and tries to produce more. We have to try and block out the flashbacks by replacing the thought with a good one then eventually they will stop.
I wish I’d copied the post at the time, it was very helpful x
3 Likes