You have just made me cry as I lost my brilliant husband 1 month 6 days ago. He had an unexpected heart attack. He was only 39 years old, fit and healthy. When I got married with him I never thought it would last for 10 years. I married with him for whole my life but did not happen so I am very broken. Nothing will be same without him. I will be grieving all my life as I found my love late lost so soon. I am in unbearable pain but trying to better better for our lovely son.x
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The pain is indescribable. You are just a few days ahead of me. I hate everyday and want to be with her. I get how you feel. I and others struggle to get through the day but somehow we do. I donāt even follow my own advice but look after yourself
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Hi Johnswife,
My mother in law keeps telling me that we had a great time fun together for 10 years. Yes we did. I tell her but I did not get enough of him. She says what do you think how I feel 39 years is not enough with him for me either but my love Andy never let us down so we are trying hard to get better for him. Thanks to my in laws they were really supportive as my parents they live in Turkey so not able see them yet due to lockdown. Hope when I see them I will be stronger as I have to better to look after our 7 year old boy. But I am devastated x
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I find it hard to read about so many people in such pain. Crazy_Kate I am going to print out your words as they are very wise and you have been the one person who has tried to make sense of it all for us. Thank you.
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I can understand your emotions and feelings all too well I lost my husband over 2 months ago after 30 years of marriage I was privileged to have been his wife and remember the good times My cat also was not herself bit gradually she is wanting cuddles etc The only advice I can give is remember the good times and he will always be watching over you I take it one day at a time thats how I cope x
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Iām at work today went back because I could not stand the loneliness at home
I completely understand Take care zif you ever want to talk dont hesitate x
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Wellsh59 thank you for your kind words. What would we do without our cats x
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And our dogs
My little dog gives me a reason to get up and dressed on non work days and on the bad days after his death I had to care for the dog and cat kept me going xx
Me too.
My two dogs kept me alive I am sure. I love them beyond words for all their love and help. Given me far more love and companionship than some of the people that I thought might have offered support for me. But who needs selfish humans when we have our lovely, dogs with their unconditional love.
Can recommend a dog to anyone that wantās loving companionship and cuddles. Have one of mine next to me now, never far away from my side looking after me, Canāt vouch for cats Iām afraid, no experience. Sorry cat owners.
xxx
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Cats are just as wonderful and seem to understand when we are sad. I am sure your little dogs are there for you as well. Some people canāt seem to cope with my grief and shy away while others want to tell me all their troubles. At the moment I canāt listen to other peoples troubles. My whole being is filled with grief and loneliness. I have never felt like this despite tragedy in our family. John was always there to comfort me and love me. I donāt have any feeling that he is here or anywhere near me. He is gone and gone forever. I donāt think I will ever get over this.
Hi there Johnswife.
I have given some thought to getting a rescue cat along with my dogs as I love all animals but when we kept cats many years ago they was around to catch mice and | canāt remember them ever being sensitive and loving and they do have a reputation of being aloof and Iām afraid I might get one that is the latter. I also donāt want them to go into other peoples gardens and wreck them like i have my plants dug out by neighbours cats, however I do have a friend that has had cats for years and she has trained them to stay in her own small garden so I will have to take some lessons off her. In the meantime walking my dogs is something I enjoy. Suppose I could also take a cat for a walk with them!!!
I am so sorry that you get no feelings that John is with you. I never gave the spirit world a thought but now convinced of it as I have had many visitations and signs from Brian, just as he promised.
Of course you canāt listen to other peoples troubles you have enough to cope with of your own.
Grief is cruel and heartless and gives us no reprieve. There are many on this forum who can vouch for this. We honestly all understand what you are going through.
xxx
Hi,
Iām so sorry for your loss, I lost my husband 2 years ago after being married for 50 years. I still miss him and always will but the crushing heartache does fade with time and itās replaced with wonderful memories. If I were you Iād definitely take driving lessons as eventually you will want to go out and about. When you feel up to it join something like U3A where you can meet different people. I have 2 little dogs and they have been my lifeline as, no matter how I feel I have to make the effort and take them out for their walk.
The main thing is when you feel like crying then cry but be kind to yourself
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I know what you mean about the ashes of your beloved so may I tell you what I have done. We loved to travel so whenever I go away I take some with me and scatter them. I have also put some in my garden. Our favourite place was India so I took a small cardboard tube of ashes and me and our Hindu friend took them and some flowers to a lovely place by the sea and put them on the water. I will keep some to be cremated with me but I can let all of them go and you donāt have to. Pain never goes away and although going away on my own is not and will never be the same I feel it is my escape. I talk to him when I go to places we have been together so I guess I am going a bit batty . I do hope you donāt mind me making this suggestion and I totally understand you not wanting to let go of the ashes.
I thank you for your suggestions. Iāve not received them yet am actually dreading that day. I always felt it was strange when people kept ashes. However I now understand the reason as I am feeling that I canāt take her (even though I know her soul and spirit is not there) away from me when I get them. Iām a new unwanted me. I have some of her hair in s pendant that I am forever holding. I want her back and I know I canāt but somehow it helps a little.
Morning to you,
I have actually got my Husbands Ashes, my Son went and got them and he has them at his house,I donāt know if I am right or wrong but could not have them here .I cry everytime I look at his photo and clothes. with the lock down we cannot bury them until the Garden of ar Berenice opens .We were the last at the Crematorium and the
Pub on the Friday for the wake and on the way home the lock down was announced.
That was in March and it seems yesterday,just want him back like we all do on here.
But we have to carry on somehow, Life is cruel at times .Where are all the friends that were at the funeral now even his Brother I have never heard from since the funeralā¦
Unfortunately their day will come and may see what we are all going through.
Hope we all get through the day as best we can.
Take Care.
Yes all those in contact saying call anytime and we are here for you vanish. Iāve supported so many people with funerals helping with order of services and just helping where I could. I got no help. All I get is people saying they will help with her stuff. That is a no no as when and if I sort anything will be when I do it.
I just describe my life a a living hell
Yes I know what you mean you sound like me help and do anything for people,I think they presume as you are always there for others you can cope.
I am totally in isolated where I live no transport,I gave up driving this worse thing I could have done,keep my hinking I should have refresher lessons but have not got the willpower at the moment.
John nay bought the car last September and no miles on it at all he was to ill in the end our Son drove it most.The car us at our Sons waiting for it to be sold,but like most things at the moment no chance.
What you going to do this next hour thatās as far as I think.
I must shower and wash my hair but at the moment it is getting the mo jo to do it.
Keep chatting on here it does help me and hope it does you.
Take Care.
Hi both of you,
I can see his brothers started get on with their lives and thanks to my in laws are staying with me but I can even think being on my own. I do not think I can manage xx