Romy thank you so much for taking the time to post. You have given me good advice and things to watch out for. Your story is so like mine although John died instantly. With the virus I am thankful he didn’t get taken to hospital alone. I wasn’t going to post on the forum again but I must do so to thank you. X
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What a lovely post Romy. I will have a look at the books you mentioned to see if they can help me.
Johnswife, you must keep posting and if it goes off topic just start a new thread.
It’s 9 weeks today since my wife died suddenly. At the beginning I was in complete shock and somehow struggled through, including the funeral, without excessive emotion. Plenty tears of course but I had some control. It would have been our 56th anniversary ten days ago and ever since then I have lost the small amount of control I had and I’m now an emotional wreck.
I’m only telling you this in case something similar happens to you, although everybody is different. This grieving business is very fickle and unpredictable which makes giving advice very difficult, but take all the help you can get. x AL
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xxxxxxx:heart:
xxxxxxx:heart:
Thank you. I agree so much to organise in the first couple of weeks and then the funeral. I have found that when I really start crying I end up screaming and yesterday cried so hard I was sick. At other times I am quite calm and spend a lot of time talking to his picture. I don’t feel he is around me which is something I wish would happen. It is so final with no coming back even for a moment. I can’t imagine any sort of life without him but the body carries on even when the heart is broken. You had a long and happy marriage we had 40 years. I suppose we must carry on for their sake. They would hate to see us so heartbroken. Take care Al. x
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Romy I have had a message from Sue Ryder offering me some counselling from next week. I will grab that and hope it can help me. I love your words “Love is the root of grief and your love for each other continues”. I will hold onto that as I always said to John love never dies. Hugs to you xx
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hi Johnswife
I talk to Jaynes picture and several others find comfort in doing this.
I didn’t think Jayne was around me,but the eulogy I wrote for the life of me I couldn’t put my feeling or emotions into words,i slept,and everything I needed to say came to me.
I feel im responding to people with Jayne in my heart,i wasn’t as caring or sensitive before so im believing my baby Jayne is withme guiding me.
I can only say that things ive done especially in the last few months were because Jayne is in my heart.sorry for rambling on and repeating myself.
but dont look to hard things you do may be guided by your soulmate John.sorry if I cause any offence im just speaking from my heart.
regards ian
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Not rambling at all Ian and certainly no offence taken. I really appreciate the support you have given me in the past few days. I am so happy for you that you feel Jayne is in your heart and guiding you. John is definitely in my heart but I just can’t feel him around me at all. I always used to navigate when we were on our travels so maybe he can’t find me. He used to have bad dreams in which he had lost me somewhere away from home. We relied on each other for everything. Writing the eulogy was very difficult for me as well. Who would ever imagine we would have to do that for our darling!
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ive actually posted my eulogy on one of my topics.i could barely read the first few words without crying ,and it was a struggle putting those words down.
hopefully you will in some way feel Johns presence in some way or other.
just carry on finding ways to get through these days and hope this place and some members will give you a bit of comfort and support.
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Hi Ian, I also feel that I have become more sensitive and caring because she was that type of person and she must be guiding me. I hope she is?
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yes ,and its at least a sign they are with us and in some way quite comforting to believe thats happening.
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Don’t worry about not yet feeling him around you. It’s far too early in the process but don’t give up hope because he will come to you in time. It might take him a little time to learn how to navigate!
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What a lovely, supportive post dear Romy. Much needed. I’ve missed you. 
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Yes that’s a lovely thought. I do hope he finds me
Oh he’ll find you… 
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So nice to see you again Romy! A special and supportive post from an old friend! Take care x
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I know your pain. My husband died in front of me from heart problems we never knew about. He was 46 the day before and I was 41 and we met when I was 15. That was 35 years ago. We had 3 lovely children. Many years after I was lucky enough to meet a lovely man and we have been married for 16 years now. A couple of years ago my daughter died very suddenly and then last January my brother died of cancer. Sometimes I wonder why I am still here, but then I have2 lovely children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. I often wonder why some of us get so much sorrow thrown at us. I survived and met lots of lovely people, some who also have suffered. Someone said to me ‘try to think that they have gone ahead of you and are waiting to meet you again’. I try but it is very difficult.
I understand how sometimes it seems as if too much is thrown at us and it’s almost impossible to bear it. My father died in January this year and John’s eldest son Jacob died 4 years ago. I like to think Dad is with my mum and his parents whom he adored. I hope Jacob is with John . I told John he would see Jacob again one day and he said “I hope so”. I wish Jacob could have waited a bit longer.
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So sorry.
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Hi. I’m new here and just found this message from johns wife having just had a crying session over the loss of my beloved husband to COVID-19 on 14th April, it would have been his 70th birthday and we should have travelled to Portugal the day before. We were a second marriage and I always told my friends, family and colleagues that I got it right the second time. We loved each other dearly and were the best of friends. He contracted COVID through work and was very poorly at home for at least 10 days before I took him to the hospital. He had refused to go before that because he was afraid he wouldn’t come home. He was on a ventilator in ICU for 18 days before his body gave up. I wonder now how I am supposed to carry on without him. I miss him so much and am struggling to come to terms with never seeing him again, or talking to him. But we have to carry on, it’s what he would want me to do. I am living each day for him now, I am loving my two dogs and two cats for both of us. I am keeping his memory alive and am very proud to have been the woman he loved and his wife for 20 years. I will live the rest of my life loving him, and cherishing the time we had together and I hope you can find the strength to do the same. My heart bleeds for your broken heart but I am glad my Steve didn’t have to go through this pain. God bless you.
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