I am so sorry to hear this bloody virus took your beloved husband. John and I were also a second marriage. We struck gold second time around didn’t we! I have a cat and she is a lifesaver for me. I don’t know how we can go on but it seems this living thing goes on no matter how terrible and grief stricken we are. Thank you for sharing your story. X
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Hiya Jay
How are you ,?
How is that cat hopefully not a bad night.
Don’t know if you will get this.
I think you may have posted on the wrong thread Samella…
xx
Hi, my heart goes out to you and I understand your pain. It is 2 years since my husband suddenly died with a heart attack and life is hard but I am learning to live with the “new normal” just take everyday as it comes, cry whenever you need to it helps the healing. I joined a bereavement group which helped and everybody there understood what we are going through, perhaps in time you can join a group it helped me. Please take care of yourself and think of the good times you shared xx
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Hi Linda, sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 1,5 month ago due to sudden heart attack. He was only 39 and fit&healthy. As long as we know he did not have heart problems. Today I was with his brothers and his family. We are still in shock what happened to him and keep thinking what the hell this happened there was not any need. As we have a 7 year old boy, very happy family with full of dreams!
Thank you Linda for answering my post. I wish there were an group near me but I suppose with the virus that sort of thing isn’t happening at the moment. I still can’t believe what’s happened to be honest. I think it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I am still in shock.
I joined the group tonight and my hands are shaking writing this. My partner died on the Wednesday 24th of June he was only 46, full of life, he had a major stroke, we think due to high blood pressure that he was unaware of. He passed away on the 24th but really died in my arms on the Monday 22rd as he was brain dead on arrival to hospital. He became an organ donor which made me proud and I couldn’t blame his lifestyle (he was drinking and smoking more in lockdown but his organs were 100% )it was likely hereditary high blood pressure. I have thrown myself into funeral arrangements and making sure everyone else is ok, plus raising awareness of the dangers of high blood pressure to stop this happening to others. The quiet moments when I am finally alone are the worse. I live alone now. I am angry with myself for not seeing any signs, Angry with him for being stubborn and not going to docs, angry with his friends for encouraging him to drink more. Then I think I am keeping busy, maybe form of denial that this isn’t happening. Also even humour as I find listening and telling stories about him strangely comforting. - is this strange? I am finding I am not crying in public, I am keeping busy and strong but then when finally alone it hits me. Also arranging a funeral in covid times is terrible, trying to work the politics of which 10 can go in and outside. I am scared of the post man bringing flowers and cards - asked people to donate to charity instead as the lilies in particular are doing my head in, the house looks like a florist!! why do people send them?! Doesn’t cheer me up one bit 
I am worried I am slowly going crazy? 
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Hi Dodder
Everything that you talk about makes sense that was me a few weeks ago and no your not going crazy , I felt the same . It’s what this awful grief does to us. My husband was 42 and died unexpectedly in hospital only 8 weeks ago such a shock for us all . Even now there are times it still doesn’t even seem real like how could this of happened?
I totally get what your saying about those lilies they are awful. I know people mean well but I remember just after losing my husband and all those flowers I was overwhelmed with them all and all the sympathy cards, I know people mean well. We didn’t put up any sympathy cards as I didn’t want the house to be full of them just put them in the drawer. I feel your pain it truly is the worst thing ever to have to go through. This forum is good though as everyone understands each other xx
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Please hang on in here. It’s late but I will try to talk to you. No the flowers etc don’t help. How could they. I am thinking about you and wish you the peace I don’t have myself. C
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Hi Dodders,
My husband died Friday the 22nd of May, he had a major heart attack, he was only 39, fit and healthy, full of life, full of dreams. He died in my arms. Our life had been ripped apart in seconds. He was love of my life. He was my 7 years old our son’s great dad. If he did have heart problems and if the doctors did not see it the people only to blame. As he said in September 2019 he is having panic attack like heart beat is so high and same problem in February 2020. He had Xray, Egc etc everything seems ok but in his case he should have had 24 hour each not 10min we do not know yet as the first autopsy shows there is no obvious reason him to have this massive heart attack so they are checking his genes. So who to blame. Blaming NHS is not checking him up properly or blaming my husband is not going to see the doctors for check up, or blaming myself not thinking something is really serious.
I am in unbearable pain. We had plenty of flowers but to be honest I just wanted say to people stop it just donate some money to British heart attack foundation.
I am with my in laws thanks to them as I am not able to see my parents due to lockdown. They live in Turkey. I am still in shock and denial. Can not stay on my own. Trying to work but pushing myself so hard. We lost our happiness in seconds. He had the best heart. He was a great dad and husband. The days are passing I am missing him more and more. Cying almost all day. Trying to be strong for our boy as I can not let my husband down xx
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Morning I imagine you have woken up like me and for a second thought everything was fine until reality hits. Another day to get through. You are not going crazy because if you are so am I. There are so many what ifs. What if he had lost weight, what if he hadn’t got type 2 diabetes. We can’t turn back the clock. John died at home so we couldn’t donate his organs. That was a wonderful thing you did. You will get through the funeral somehow. In the first couple of weeks I think we are on auto pilot. Four weeks on I am still in shock and my emotions are all over the place. I hope you have a peaceful day.
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Thank you for your kind words. It actually helped last night and this morning to read everyones messages and see so many stories similar to my own. I wasnt sure if joining a group like this might make me worse but I do think it was a good thing as its a safe space where I can say what I really feel while I am in auto pilot and trying to be strong for the others around me. Thank you xx
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So glad the messages on here helped you last night and this morning. People tell me I am a strong woman but they can’t see what goes on when I am alone. I have an appointment for some counselling with SR. In time it might help you? It is early days for both of us and many others on this forum. I just want some help with my fears for my future alone and without my darling to walk beside me. It all looks so bleak but others on here say it does get better and that there is hope. If you didn’t read it, at the top of my post from Crazy Kate I will copy and paste what she said. I found it very comforting and printed it out and I read it often. Take care of yourself.
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Crazy Kate said this. Your grief is so raw, take is easy, take it slowly. In the words of a children’s story book ‘We can’t go under it, we can’t go over it, we have to go through it.’ And that’s exactly what we do, we go through it, but we never quite come out the other end. Perhaps a better description is to say we move forward with our grief and our grief moves forward with us. Grief becomes our new companion. It’s been three years this month since I lost the most amazing man in the world. Whilst it doesn’t define me, my grief is now a part of who I am. I carry my grief with pride. It reminds me that the rarest soul in the world was mine, is mine still, will always be mine. Of course, I would much rather he was here in person but that can’t be. I do feel him all around me though. I live with his spirit which is better than not living with him at all. My love for him continues to grow, filling my heart almost to bursting point. I can smile, laugh, sing and dance again. I accept that I can never know pure joy again but I can know a certain happiness and contentment, always carrying my husband with me. None of this will be be of any solace to any of you at the moment, but I wanted you to know that there is a future. Not the future we had planned but a different future. I wanted you to know that there is hope. There is hope.
I remember the early days, after my loss, only too well. The pain was agonising, excruciating. There’s no pain on earth like it. The tears just kept flowing. How was I ever going to move forward? I had no idea and I still have no idea but I do know that I have. It just happened - slowly, gradually.’
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Believe me I know exactly how you feel. I lost my beloved husband four months ago I have never known such pain. He had a very brief illness and we knew for a few months that we had very little time left together. I tried to be strong for him and concentrated on looking after him for his last months but now I just don’t want to face each day without being with him and chatting as we always did. I have a little dog who won’t let me out of her sight for fear of losing me too. My life will never have a purpose again it will just be an existence.
It’s almost impossible to function without the love of your life. We are all going through it but it’s so personal. We can empathise but we are each in our own nightmare. I am fine one moment and screaming the next. Just like my darling alive one moment dead the next. I couldn’t even say goodbye. 
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I recognise the feeling of being almost alright one moment and in pain the next. I miss everything about the life I had and I can only hope he knew how much he meant to me.
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I am sure he did. I expect you were like us always kissing and telling each other we were so lucky to be loved by someone totally. We were happy every day for 40 years.
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Hi Nuran,
I don’t think anyone is to blame.
Your husband has no blame - he did go to the doctors and tell them about his panic attacks.
You are not too blame - how would you know that his rapid heart beats were actually something much more serious?
And the NHS isn’t to blame either - unfortunately, the symptoms which can cause Sudden Cardiac Death are very common with many other illnesses, and it just isn’t feasible for the NHS to test everyone thoroughly for SCD. That is why they did not give yuor husband a 24 hour ECG monitor to wear. I started getting arrhythmia in my mid 30s after I would go for a run, so I did get a 24 hour ECG monitor, but that’s because there is a history of heart disease in my family, if your husband did not have any relatives who died at an earlyish age from heart disease, then normally they would not test someone with a 24 hour ECG monitor.
Your husband was unlucky. He seems like a great husband and dad, and I am truly sorry for the pain you are suffering. I can only hope that you can some day manage to find the strength to raise your son into a wonderful man that your husband would have wanted him to be.
This echos exactly how I feel my husband passed last September after being diagnosed 8 week earlier. I’m so lost I take one day at a time. We were married 35 years he is my soul mate and best friend