Wonderful how your words are exactly right thank you for them. My husband passed away on 4 June and things are still very raw.
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Your darling died just three days before my John. How are you coping? I feel I am just waiting. Waiting for what? I know he can not come back to me so I suppose I am waiting for death when I will be with him again. I hate it when I wake up and in that moment realise it was not all a bad dream. It is a horrible reality.
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Hello Johnswife. I have just seen your post and feel so sorry for your loss of John. I lost my beloved husband and soulmate of over 40 years just 7 weeks ago and I am going through exactly the same as you. It is because you loved each other so deeply and completely that you feel lost. You didnât need others to make you feel complete. Everyone loved my husband Mike and I had so many sympathy cards from people that I thought hardly knew him. He never once said a cross word to me in all our married life. I too am not a good mixer but have tried to reach out to others to help me and them. Lots of us on this site have had wonderful marriages which is why we are all so upset. Keep posting and a bigger picture may begin to form in your mind that will help you forward. Just take one hour at a time.
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Hello jean2 they died almost at the same time how sad for us both. It sounds as if your Mike was an exceptional man just like my John. Someone said the grief is so strong because the love was so strong. That is so true. At the moment I am just getting through one day at a time. I hate waking up in the morning most of all as it hits me all over again. Take care and thank you for your message.
Please do not think your life is over. I know exactly how you feel but try and find some of the positives you have in your life, might only be small things but will help you come to terms with your heartache. It is over 2 years since I felt like you but slowly my life has changed and I feel positive some days, not everyday but the good days are lovely. Take care and please believe me when I say it will get better x
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Hi Abdullah,
I stopped blame anyone time to time blame myself or Andy. Thinking he could have looked after himself better? But nothing will bring Andy back so I am trying to be positive but it is very hard.
Many thanks for your advice.
I am usually a positive person but this loss has taken the ground from under my feet. I know many are having the same experience & it is enlightening to hear from someone who seems to be coming out of the darkness. I find the mornings very difficult as The day ahead seems long & pointless. I know my husband wouldnât want me to feel like this.
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Hi Nuran, it is good you donât blame yourself or Andy anymore. Nearly all of us could look after ourselves better, itâs just bad luck that he sadly died. There are so many people who take drugs and drink a lot and theyâre still here, so much in life is just down to luck, yes, life must be so difficult, you just have to try and focus on your son for the time being and hopefully in time the pain will get a bit easier.
Hi Daisy, so many of us find the mornings the most difficult, as there is a whole day to get through. Thatâs why many of us just try and break the day down into hours, and take things hour by hour. If I sat here thinking about the rest of the day, I would be having a breakdown, so I am just thinking of what to do for the next hour, and then when that hour has gone, will plan the next hour, and so forth. Hope youâre doing ok today.
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I hope you feel peace soon and manage to cope. That said, I hate to say this but, much as I appreciate the pain you are in, we are all in pain, and I donât see how your comment helps anyone, least of all you. When we lose someone we love it is easy to feel bitter, to cast blame and hit out but it never helps anyone. We are all hurting, and although we feel for everyone else, itâs human nature to concentrate on our own pain first, It is nothing personal.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
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Of course we have to concentrate on our own pain and grief. Itâs nice to be nice to one another and be more understanding as we are all experiencing the same pain and hurting.
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Yes, I feel exactly the same as you, but it seems that, sadly, others donât.
As you are late coming to this post you may have missed the fact that it had to be split so that some people could continue to make light of the distress others were feeling. I sincerely hope you do not revive those negative thoughts once again. Everyone is hurting and are here to try to help others as much as possible whilst dealing with their own grief and pain.
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AnnR. I thought your comment was a little cold. We all concentrate on our own grief because we need to express it. That does not say we are not sympathetic to others. Yes we are all hurting and I think we should all appreciate each other and not dismiss their comments.
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I had no intention of dismissing anyoneâs comments. I feel for everyone and share their grief.
That said, it is clear that I am not wanted on here so I shall wish you all well and say a tearful goodbye.
@AnnR please donât as you obviously missed all the negativity from some weeks ago and misread something. That situation was sorted out by the moderators at the time. In grief it is easy to take things the wrong way or misunderstand what others are trying to say. You are wanted and people are here to listen.
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Is that really true? I feel so lost and hurt by a certain comment on there that said negative comments werenât appreciated. I didnât mean to be negative. I just want help.
Thanks to you, I am signing out of this post. I had no idea I was being negative and had absolutely no intention of being so. I came on here to be comforted, not criticised, so I will leave.
Thanks to you and one other, I am leaving. I hadvno intention of hurting anyone and it as devastated me that you and one other should think that.
Hope you find peace and help on this site. I certainly did not and my husband would be devastated if he knew.