I read all the texts and still it doesn’t help me. You are all in the same place as me. Everything you all say could be me saying them. I need to get away from this site as it is not helping. Just making me more miserable. Coming up to a year now and finding it more difficult by the day. Please tell me how to get away from here
I had a massive panic attack today. Never had one before. My husband was killed almost 7 weeks ago. Yesterday was his 49th birthday. Today I was trying to find some tax stuff on our computer and I realized I had no idea where he filed it. And the panic started and the walls closed in and I could not catch my breath and I scared my children. It’s so overwhelming and the panic took me by surprise. Such gut wrenching sadness every single day. I’m tired of it all.
Dear Morr
I had a massive panic attack 3 weeks after my husband died suddenly last year
Never had one before and never had one since
I could not get my breath or get up from the floor without help from my children
I think it is the build up of stress
You will get through this
I’m not saying it will be better but it will be different in time …less of a rollercoaster.
I hope that hearing this helps and doesn’t upset you because someone who posted previously says the site is not helping because we are all sad and in the same boat .
Keep strong
Romy xxxxx
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Just noticed the unsubscribe at the top of the page. I am gone. This is miserable. Goodbye… I wish you all well but it bit is just he’ll. Goodbye
I just saw the message from someone that unsubscribed - it actually made me laugh and also made me think : what did she expect to happen ? Maybe that we had the right answers the right formula to survive and the magical advice??
If only …
Sadie xx
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I know babes
I took a break from it myself a while back but at the end of the day I think it helps to share our stories with each other …that way we know we are not going crazy because we are all going through the same sort of stuff and handling it the best way we can every day
Hope you get a nice sleep tonight
Sleep makes all the difference in how well I get to handle the next day’s stuff
Love Romy xxxxx
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Goodbye Jean Jeanie
I did the same myself a while back but at the end of the day I have found sharing stuff on here more helpful than miserable …I’m miserable anyway but knowing I’m not the only one struggling and being able to be supported and offer support to others on here has made all the difference
Don’t be surprised if you drift back to it in the months ahead . I did
In the meantime look after yourself as best you can
Romy xxxxx
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I feel like this site helps me. You can really feel like you are all alone in this. And that is terrifying. But reading posts on here make me feel less alone. Even if the feeling is only temporary for me. At least it’s a chance to come up for air so I don’t drown.
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Agree, this site help us to know that we are not alone and we can share our feelings, anger, stress with others who do understand because over time there is no one we can share with in the ‘outside’ world.
I too tried to leave on the advice of a friend who thought it was making me worse but I missed you all after a few weeks and although I have a day or two away so that I don’t totally rely on you holding me up at times I soon come back. It’s become a sort of comfort blanket. So thanks.
Your so right Sadie, what did this person expect, that we had all found that magic spell that takes away our pain. What we have found is love and support and that’s worth so much. One day perhaps some of us will be able to offer more help to the newly bereaved.
Love Pat xx
Dear Jean, if knew how to make things more bearable I would do it for myself
One day at a time - one foot in front of the other. It is 1 year since Jack died - the shock has passed but the sorrow and pain remains and we just get used to it !
No one can give you what you want - no one can take your pain away or bring your husband back but we can listen to you and we can understand what you feel
Sadie x
Hi Pat - I don’t think this site makes us feel worse - I think that if I am not careful by reading what is written I may find difficult to see and feel the moments of happiness we may feel
If I have a good day/ a good time doesn’t mean I don’t miss my Jack -
I don’t think I explained myself properly -
Lots of love Pat
Sadiexx
Hi, don’t know if you will get to read this as you want to leave. I think you have missed the point of this forum. We help and support each other through the bleak times yet we can also have nice chats at times and it does help us to know that we are not alone through this terrible journey. Yes some of the posts are sad and we do cry for these people but someone is always there to help and it does benefit most to know that other people are out there that understand.
Best of luck
Well said Pattidot.
There have been a number of times when I thought it might be best to leave the forum.
However there has always been someone on here when things became a little too much who has given me the help and encouragement to struggle on.
It can’t all be humorous stories and wonderful achievments just being made to feel you have made a small step forward is support enough for me.
Coming up to Christmas and soon it will be one very long, hard distressing year but I know there will always be someone out there who not only understands but will help guide me forward.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
With me i find i have negative days and i have positive days, of course on my feeling positive days the last thing i want - need is to come into our forum or any other forum and read negatives, then on the other days it may be the other way around, I am feeling negative and want to read positives if only to try to boost me up…our moods can change many times due to our grieving patterns…
Jackie…
I omitted to say, it isn’t that i dont want to read others negatives, it is just that my brain functioning, my emotions cant, or wont always be able to cope with them as and when…sometimes i will just go brain dead, other times my brain comes alive and i am coping better than the day before, or the day before the day before or vice a versa…
Those small steps and the mood swings seems to be what our lives are nowadays.
I will become so positive it’s as if a hidden force is pushing me forward then another force will push me backwards just as quick. Today for instance I was planning to make that supreme effort and join a dance class in the local Town Hall it’s a ten minute walk. I checked the times this afternoon and was all prepared to go then I froze, couldn’t move, panicked at the thought of going out. I stayed in, but I will try another day. I have attended dance classes many times before with absolutely no problem. How I have changed. How I wish the old confident me could walk through the door and take over.
xxx
Dear Pat - as the book says" Feel the fear and do it anyway"
I am sure next week you will be just fine
Lots of love
Sadie xx
Hi Jean Jeanie,
I’m sorry to hear that you have found being part of the community upsetting. If it is not helping you then I completely understand if you want to leave - different forms of support work for different people and what others find helpful may not be for you.
I just wanted to let you know that the unsubscribe link at the top of this page will unsubscribe you from email notifications to this particular conversation, but it won’t close your account. You can control all of your email notifications by editing your profile, or, if you want to close your account altogether, you can email me at online.community@sueryder.org. I will send you an email about this as well, in case you are no longer logging in to the site.
If you would find a more one-to-one form of support more helpful, you could ring the Cruse Bereavement helpline on 0808 808 1677 or ask your GP about counselling or bereavement support in your local area.
Hooray…I did it. The dance class was on again this morning and I walked that ten minute walk, all the time saying to myself, “you can do this”. I walked through the door and immediately tried to turn around and walk out again. The teacher apparently saw my stress and talked me into staying. What a jolly lady she was, thank goodness as I would have been gone if she had shown the wrong attitude.
I so enjoy dancing it has been a part of my life all my life. I trained for ten years as a dancer and danced in shows, eventually giving up as I didn’t grow tall enough to take it up professionally (height limit in those days). When the jive came in I was picked by an amazing dancer as his partner and we competed in competitions. He eventually became my first husband. What a dancer he was and now he’s got dementia, so sad. Later I moved onto Disco dancing competitions. I dance and cry when I feel miserable. Anyway I managed the class, enjoyed it and had a good chat to a couple of the women afterwards. So all in all not a bad morning. Another step forward.
Pat xxx
Well done you…keep moving forward xx