Would love to give you a way forward, but we are all lost just now. I hope to see a future at some time but don’t think this will happen anytime soon. There has to be purpose ahead let’s try and find it. My cats organise me take care
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Hi, i have 3 male cats - they are my boys. I made sure my Richatd knew i would look after them all after he passed. I must say, they keep me going with their affection and ‘demands’. I rescued them all, maybe now they are returning the favour. I love them x
Mine are rescues and are great companions who welcome me home , it doesn’t feel so cold and quiet when I get back home x
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@Wayne2 I miss the cuddles too. My wonderful Eric wasn’t really a touchy feely kind of guy, but at home we would often just have a cuddle if we were both stood up at the same time. Always got a kiss goodbye on the way out. There would be texts with hearts & kisses, silly messages with pictures of pigs or giraffes. It’s these little things that I miss the most I think. It wasn’t until he’d gone that I truly realised that he was the love of my life, my soul mate, my lobster, my best friend. I took these things way too much for granted. I would give absolutely anything to have him back, even if it was just for an hour!
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Oh gosh, you are writing as though I’ve written that myself. Bless you.
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@Wayne2 it’s so very hard. I’m sure things must get better, I know we can’t see it right now, but I’m sure things can’t get any worse. Nobody knows what really happens when we pass on, but I like to think we revert to our best self, when we were at our healthiest & fittest, and we can do absolutely anything we want. That helps me, thinking that he’s no longer suffering any pain. If he could’ve stayed longer, he would’ve done, not least because he was so stubborn. I am merely existing until my time comes and I can join him.
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@Wayne2 don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m sure she knew you were asking out of love. I feel guilt for begging him to stay when we both knew he couldn’t. Like I said before, if he could have, he would have. It was totally unfair, and selfish, of me to ask him to, knowing how much he’d endured. Physically & mentally he’d had more than enough. It sounds to me like Julie also would’ve stayed if she could, and she wouldn’t have minded you asking her at all, she would’ve known that it was simply because you didn’t want to lose her. We grasp at hope, but sometimes there just isn’t any, and staying longer would’ve only prolonged their pain. Fingers crossed they are in a much better place.
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@Wayne2 my wife was in hospital and hospice for the last 5 weeks of her life, after she would not wake up. She had antibiotics which brought her round a few times, but eventually she said if she became unconscious again to have no more treatment. I would love to have been able to ask her for just one more course of antibiotics, but ultimately it was her decision.
One thing my wife liked to do was send/leave cards for no particular reason, mainly to our adult children, and they have now taken that on, leaving me cards when they go back home. They know I am struggling being on my own after 34 years of being a couple, one of the things our youngest wrote was “Keep waking up and choosing us”, so that is what I shall do.
Pete
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Exactly my feelings, we were intertwined in our thoughts too, I miss this so much
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Hi Matisse, I am so sorry that you are struggling. Today is 3 weeks for me and it is my first night alone since my wife passed. Each day is a struggle but I know our partners will be there to watch over us. I talk to her when I am alone/lonely. I have absolute faith that my wife would want me to do my best each day. I do hope that you can find peace
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I tell Rob all about my day as I feel he may hear me wherever he is. I miss the telephone conversations we would have if one of us was driving alone, and the silly funny arguments over the tv remote. We were martied 34 years but knew each other since we were 16. He was only 60 when cancer decided to take him.
I find i am having good and bad days and now into week 15 but still feels like day 1.
I knew my husband since I was 16, he was 76 when cancer took him, he has been in my life for nearly all of it. How I miss everything about him and us being together, i have no idea how to exist without him. But I have to don’t I, just like we all have to, one step at a time x
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Baby steps so each day we can achieve a little bit more of this new life. Its hard but I know I have to try to adjust. The fake smile goes on each day when I’m out but at night it gets removed so I can just continue on my grieving process. X
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I agree, I don’t think we will ever be ok again despite what we say and how fake our smile is. All we can do is try and live what life we now have, keep trying xx
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Morning All,
If my husband knew l am watching tv and it’s not yet 08.00 in the morning…
I took care of some chores around the house first, the cats need feeding etc. but that bloody sadness just eating away in me, that loneliness, every thing l touch, wherever l look l see things he made, arranged, put or left there. This is hell. Sorry l can’t add anything cheerful… all that distracts me now is the silly Rizzoli & lsles series from 10 years ago:roll_eyes: Hope at least some of you here are doing better today:pray:
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I will send you hope that you will have a better day today, but I think I am in a similar time scale to you and I doubt I will be feeling any less sad today or any day. Its wet and windy just to add to the misery. But I will try my best to get just one good thing today, even if it’s a brief walk between showers, I hope you find a few moments peace too, sending love x
Can’t seem to stay in bed past 06:30. Makes the day very long and I too watch drivel early in morning in fact most of the day. Just realised didn’t turn my alarm off so it has just gone off. Just trying to warm the house up. I may be miserable but don’t have to be cold as well. Bed used to be such a comforting warm snuggly place now it just reminds me how alone I am.
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I just want it to go away this terrible sadness and emptiness the longing for how things used to be and never will be again
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Morning Matisse, I’m just the same with the tv. You are not alone as i see things my husband made for our home all the time. He rewired electrics, plumbed the bathroom in, tiled the bathroom, repainted everywhere, fitted carpets, put up shelves etc. I agree it is so hard looking around. I even get very emotional when i fetch and burn the logs for the wood burner - he chopped every one. Like you, I’d just like to escape this permanent feeling of sadness - it’s exhausting! I’m sure you agree. Much love to you, i hope we have less intensity to our sadness over time x
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Hi John
I lost my husband suddenly 6 weeks ago today and although I have lost many of my family this grief is like no other. It totally consumes you and it feels like your heart if going to burst out of your chest. Ask for support from your friends and family please as they’ll keep you busy and help the days pass until you can actually smile again.
The more you loved someone the more you grieve because that love has nowhere to go now but rest assured your wife will be around you sending you little signs of love. Talk to her as you would normally and you’ll feel her love surround you.
I have had quite a few signs from my Steve and they have been truly heart warming plus the love from my friends and family help get me through each day. We are all on the same path and here to give you as much love and support as you need.
She hasn’t died she has just moved into a better place but still walking beside you xxxx hugs
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