Thankyou for your kind words. It does help to read that there are people who understand what I am going through. I know there are alot of us going through the same heartbreak, I just feel I am never going to be able to accept it, I’m in tears just typing this. I am considering your online counselling but at the minute everytime I try to speak to anyone all I do is cry. X
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dear Jodel712, I read all the messages on this forum but all I can say is I right place — I feel your loss , but I wish you didn’t have to thru this awful period of sadness We are all sad for the cirumstances that we are now in. Blessings to you.
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Hi Pete
I know exactly how you feel. I don’t want to be here either . Lost my husband on March 1st to covid I horrible circumstances after not been able to visit until the end when it was not meaningful.
I hate being in the house as it is so lonely and even when I am with people I still feel lost and lonelier than ever.
We were together fir 40 years. It’s a long time and then to be without the msn who lived me and cared for me and who I lived so much is unbearable
There is no point trying to make it better. It will always feel like this.
It is so unfair gone before we had shared our retirement.
I don’t want to go in either
Lynn
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So many of us have been robbed of spending our retirement with our loved ones. Xmas
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Dear Margarita, You are so right! My wife and I had plans and we were busy making them happen - now I’m alone trying to continue those plans. But I am not to enthused about finishing them - just trying to get from one day to the next. Stay hopeful!
Herb
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All very true. I lost out as was one of the first to hit both lots of the pension changes. Tom was nearly 6 years older than me and we planned to retire together. I worked an extra 5 years and as soon as I retired Tom became ill. I feel I have missed out so much.
Every day is a mountain to climb and 9 months on and I still cry at some point in the day and wish so much he was still here.
Virtual hug to everyone, Easter Sunday is another milestone for us all.
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Dear Herb, so sad isnt it, Marcial worked so hard and paid for his retirement over and over many times, but didnt get to enjoy any of it, the goverment gives me a measly amount to top up my pension which i inherited from him. But as i have said on another thread, cant remember which, once Covid is gone and we can get around again, im going to do the travelling we were going to do together and live the best life i can in his memory. Take care Margarita
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Dear @1978, so sorry for your loss, today is 10 months since Marcial left me, i too have good and bad days. Not as desperate as it was in the early days. I finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think the brighter days are helping. As i said to Herb im going to travel as soon Covid allows and do all that we had planned to do together, and live my best life in memory of him. I wish you the best and take care. Margarita x
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Amy, I understand exactly how you are feeling. I think it’s feelings that we can all relate to on here. We have to hope for better days, or even just some better hours.
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Paula, I smell my husband’s dressing gown every night too. I dread the time when the smell is no longer there. Sending hugs
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Go forward dear lady — live each day like it matters!
Herb
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I’m so depressed.
I cry everyday. I’m finding everything difficult to do.
My son’s comfort me but I’m so lost without my soul mate, he was my world.
I just don’t feel I’m ever going to see the light.
How do I deal with this, am I to try and think positive and think of our good times or am i to feel my deep pain in order to heal.
I just feel scared and my head feels I’ll.
Amy x
I have glimmers where I can talk about something that is a nice memory but other times where a photo or message can bring me to tears instantly. I guess at the moment I’m just going with whatever I feel and people around me are having to cope with that. I just can’t get rid of the thoughts about how unfair it was for him, me and the kids that he was taken so young (50) and I don’t know that I will ever be able to get past that particular thought. Sending hugs
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Hi Jules4
My Marti was 56, its no age is it.
I’ve looked at some of his photos on my phone a week ago and sobbed my heart out. I have a photo of him in the frontroom and I look at that many times throughout the day and ask him why did he leave me. I like drawing, but I haven’t bothered this week, I go for a walk three times a week, but it’s so lonely as I used to walk with Marti.
I can’t bear the evenings on my own, even though my three Sons are in their rooms I can hear them, but I want my soul mate. I miss him.
Even when shops are open what do I do, I’ll be on my own then.
What are your plans when 'everything opens.
Sending you a warm hug
Amy x
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I know what you mean about walks- I’ve been for a range of people but it’s not the same as being with your soulmate. My two adult children are here at the moment - one is going to be with me until January as they have decided to take time out of University. They are great and have provided love and hugs but again, it can’t make up for the hugs that you need. I still have the funeral to come and tomorrow would have been our Wedding Anniversary. I don’t have any plans for when everything opens - we were never shoppers and didn’t go out to pubs. We just enjoyed walking and having a coffee at a garden centre - anything that was simple and together. It hurts so much to know that these things that were special to us will never happen again. Warm hugs back
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Dear Jules4 and others here. I remember when I was a boy - we used to go to the park and see what we could get into . I remember seeing old people walking and having their heads low — of course I felt sorry as I was thinking they had feelings of missing their family — years later I lost my wife rather suddenly, never got to say goodbye (which I regret - she was a wonderful mate) Guess what - it’s now me walking in the neighborhood or park with my head bowed. They say what goes around comes around, not a nice thing to say. Sometimes I feel so sad and have feelings of wishing I could do it all over again - oh how I wish I wish so much to have another chance - I loved my wife very much! I wanted her to be happy with me - I tried very hard to let her know until one day I lost her It broke my heart to lose her. I can easily understand how many of you are feeling.
I guess we are in this together. I am sorry !!!
Herb (aka greencat1950)
Hello @Jules4 . I’m sure all of us on here will be thinking of you tomorrow on your wedding anniversary. These days are sad but sometimes easier to get through than we expect and we get through them somehow. You may want to mark the day with something special - maybe make a nice meal and ‘share’ it with your beloved. I like to think they are watching over us and so I take comfort in that. Look after yourself.
Love and light. x
Hello @Greencat1950. I understand what you are saying about what goes around comes around. We are now the sad people walking around the park with our heads bowed in sorrow.
You wish you could have your time over again which is quite natural. I think we feel that perhaps we could or should have done more. Lived life differently perhaps. Well the world isn’t like that as we get one chance and we live the life we know how to at the time. It is age that brings wisdom so life probably wouldn’t have been much different if you could go back to your youth with the knowledge you had at the time.
We all do the best we can so just keep letting those feelings out. It is the only way to heal.
Love and light. x
Hello Jean2, such a lovely reply to @Jules4. I agree with all you have said and it is a great comfort to me that you feel as I do.
It has and still is a very hard journey for me since I lost my husband last June. The anniversaries haven’t been as bad as expected and I try and take something good from them like you suggested.
We are all thinking of you @Jules4.
Love and light. X
Thank you for your kind words. I found the card he had already bought me (not written) and I have written one for him to talk to the Chapel of Rest. I never dreamed that this would or could happen - not so soon. I don’t know how to keep going without him.