Yup, know that feeling well.
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Some days i just feel like i dont belong anywhere ! Like im just adrift … like im not attached to anything … do you know what i mean ? Its an awful feeling … i hate it !
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@Deb5 I know exactly how you feel. I feel I’ve lost my anchor who was my husband and I’m drifting aimlessly to who knows where. It’s really an awful feeling. I don’t know where I am going - just feeling alone an lost all the time. I don’t like it. Take care. xx
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Hi deb5 we know exactly what you mean. We are all lost , until we find our purpose. Easier said than done. Take care.
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Yeh it so is isnt it … easier said than done xxx
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Yes Deb, I know exactly how you feel and it’s debilitating and unreal. Xx
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@Deb5 it so doesn’t feel like it, does it.
I’m just plodding on, hoping that one day maybe there will be a glimmer of something better….
Please??
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Hi Nicky
You are not being selfish, you are grieving and we all do this in different ways. I’m on more or less the same scale as you, my partner of 35 years had his 69th birthday on the 16th of July, a massive heart attack on the 22nd July and passed on the 29th. My heart aches and tears come easily. There was a time early on where I just wanted to die as well but with the support of family and friends I have come to accept that that is not the answer. I’m moving forward, I gave up work when he died, I’m 8 years older than him and just turned 77, I’m going to be doing some voluntary work and keeping myself occupied. I am struggling with sorting out some of his belongings but I tell myself that there is no rush as they are OK where they are until I am ready to deal with it.
I have always loved having my Christmas tree up but as I am going away for Christmas I thought I wouldn’t bother but now I am going to be having our great granddaughter for the day on the 20th December so I’m going to make the effort for her. I’m actually dreading getting it out but I know he would not have wanted me to do it.
As for TV, mine is always on, just for company but I really can’t concentrate on anything that’s on and for the main part couldn’t tell you what I’ve been watching
The loneliness is awful, I have his ashes in my bedroom and am often in there talking to him but I think I’m starting to accept my new normal, I don’t like it but am aware that there is nothing I can do to put the clock back.
For all of us it’s so hard but we will all deal with it in our own ways. My family and friends tell me I am a strong person and I guess I am but the strength doesn’t stop the pain
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Hi Annde.
You are so right. Strength doesnt stop the pain and loneliness.
I am struggling at the moment even after 13 mths. John was my life and the life I have now is awful.
Have no choice but to carry on but every day is unbearable still.
I do a lot, joined groups, see friends, volunteer and have completed the renovation of the bungalow we moved into and John died 2 wks later. It has kept me busy since January but what is it all for as no- one to share it with. I hate life so much . Cant even think about Xmas as unbearable
Thinking of you all every day
Love and hugs Shelley
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Hi @Annde
Nice to read your post with positive throughts.
Most of what you have written is exactly how i feel. Like yourself i have TV on for background noise dont think ive managed to watch anything for 6 months now since my husband passed.
Ive tried to keep busy funeral arrangements paperwork sorting out private pensions etc now that is over trying other things. I just retired in Oct so now at home but joined book club read 3 books but not even sure my mind is ready as seem to forget story after reading.
Joined a choir but have had illness do not gone back maybe after Christmas.
This Christmas i will spend on my own last year we were in Australia for 3 months git back in Feb when my husband took early retirement then in June he was gone.
I have learned we do not know whats ahead and to live our days to the full.
This is easier said than done we will always have the pain if grief no matter 
what we do.
Take care
Lynne x
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Hi Shelley
I think you are correct. The pain and loneliness will never leave us others just don’t understand unless they have gone through similar. People think i am coping i guess they dont see me at home crying and grieving. Moving on is not easy and i really dont want to. After the funeral, family friends all disappear the odd text. So having to make new friends in your 60s is not easy.
Xmas is just another day we would have spent together but to me it will be like every other day i have got through without him lonely and quiet.
Other days are harder our wedding anniversary birthdays day we met 
his date of passing and funeral date. All days are special now we just need to take a moment to remember memories and maybe then we can exist in whats left in our lives.
Take care
Lynne x
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I met my Andrew on a blind date and we were married 6 months later . We had 30 years of total love and were devoted to each other . I know I am so lucky to have been loved so much . I miss him so
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No it isnt easy is it at our age making new friends ! Jeez i miss him - least i knew him and it was easy and my writing on here has gone really small … i wonder how i fix that ??? Bloody technology … x
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Pity we did not stay in same areas some of us could just meet for coffee chat about general things the weather what to make for dinner what fo you think about …
Sometimes its just general things you miss
Lynnne x
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Yeh its a shame isnt it we dont live closer to each other but we are all spread out all over the country arent we 
xx
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It would lovely if some of us lived nearer to each other.
Had an awful morning, signed my new Will at my solicitors, which was upsetting enough. Then driving to our local shops, a woman stepped out in front of me, on her mobile of course. I managed to miss her, got to the shops and had to park quite a way from the shops. Horrible in M&S, Christmas music had to walk past my husband’s favourites. Felt so wretched and now home to silence. Existing as we are, is torture a lot of the time. I truly hate my life today. Xx
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@Rome18 . Rosemary. You truly have had a stinker. You need a good cup of coffee or tea. You feel that with the number of us suffering on this site some of us MUST live close to each other. It does seem thought that connections are made between people who live far apart.
Love and hugs. Xx. Sandra
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Thank you Sandra, I’ve just made a coffee and going to eat some chocolate. Though I just need one of his hugs!!! Xx
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Think this is my worst day so far in nearly 8 weeks.
Stayed in bed as I had little sleep last night. Only just managed to eat an egg. Really need to cut down on my wine drinking. Seeing my counsellor tomorrow. Will try to go to M n S tomorrow before Christmas hits with all its forced jollity. Please can someone offer me an encouraging word so lonely today.
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In this case chocolate is no substitute. Let’s just hope it triggers the right endorphins.
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