I don’t think our loved ones would want us to be sad but they would understand our misery. My parents both died many years ago and now I’ve lost my husband, I really wish they were here for me to turn to. I have 3 fabulous children that have been such a support and a very supportive sister so I’m fortunate. My real friends have been good but some who I thought were friends have been rubbish. Love to you all. Jean.
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Yes it’s strange isn’t it regarding friends. The ones you thought would be there for you have disappeared. Im back working from home and getting messages from colleagues who think they are my friends. Just because I’m back online doesn’t mean that’s I’ve been away on holiday and back ready for a chat. Where were they the last 18 months when i nursed my love till the end. It is so annoying and disrespectful thinking they can just pick up where they left.
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@Moi1 You said you don’t know what it is about this site, telling us things you haven’t told anybody else, isn’t it good that we have at least found this site, where we are able to talk freely, at this incredible hard time in our lives. Take care xxx
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This site is my piece of sanity, where there is understanding, love, no judging. For me that has been a Godsend. Nothing else in my world these days makes much sense. I look at life now and think what difference does it all make. I feel removed from much of life. Without my beloved precious husband, I am just existing in this life, not living. It’s been 6 mos and 10 days, there still is no light at the end of my long dark tunnel.
Love and peace, Karen
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Exactly how I feel too Karen. Almost 6 months and it’s an existence. Every day a step closer to joining him is how I look at it. There is no point to anything.
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@Moi1 I know what you mean about “friends” picking up where they left off. We had a couple we were good friends with (or so I thought), who moved away 4 yrs ago. They knew my sweet husband had Alzheimer’s and was progressing in his illness. Never heard a word except a Christmas card sent when they were on a cruise. Got a text last week announcing they were back, how were the two of us and to give my husband a big hug from her. He died 6 mos and 10 days ago. I responded that he died in Aug and I notified her. She replied again that she was in the hospital in Aug. ok, I am sorry about that so for 6 mos after you didn’t check your texts or emails! And furthermore not once did you contact me in 4 yrs to check on his status. Then text me to give him a big hug!!! That not only made me angry, but emotionally threw me into a sobbing session. She has since text me she is sorry, how am I doing, do I still live in the same place. How am I doing!! How in the hell do you think I am doing!!!
Needless to say I did not contact her again. Sorry for the rant. You truly find out who your true friends are, and they are few and far between.
Love and peace, Karen
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Aw karen thsts sad for you … cant say in much better tbh but i saw my grandd daughter today snd my daughter so that has cheered me up ! I think maybe penny might be droppibg on how hard it is for me ! My siblibgs ( 5 of them) are absolutely pathetic and all gone into hiding since the funeral !!! Makes me really annoyed how selfish some people are ! As a friend said it will happen to them one day and i wont be there for them ! Im disgusted with most of them tbh ! Why is it alright to be there before and then they think cos funeral done its somehow all over !!! Its not over for me !!! I find neighbours kinder than some idiots in my family !!!,
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Yes, relatives!! I have an older brother that I had not been in contact with for several years. As my husband advanced I would text him about his decline. Nothing wordy, kept it short. After my husband died, we talked several times. On our last conversation, I detailed what my sweet beloved husband went through his last few months with Alzheimer’s, he listened and said he would call in a week to see how I was doing. That was over 2 months ago, haven’t heard since.
And his wife, not a word of condolence. Her and I tolerated each other over the years, but not to acknowledge my husbands death, he deserved at least that from her. His life was worth recognition from her. unforgivable in my book.
Karen
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Yes some very bad behsviour by some people for sure ! Whsts wrong with people ! Why are they so rude and arrogant ? I dunno what’s happebed to people 
as my nana used to say : manners cost nothing :(;
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I remember st the funeral sobbing on someone’s shoulder saying what am I going to do now and one of my neighbours piped up and said to the person “don’t worry she has neighbours”. Well that was almost 6 months ago and guess what not a single one of my neighbours has even knocked on my door or contacted me. Surely they must see that I haven’t even opened the blinds in my bedroom for 6 months. No-one cares. Im fed up with it all.
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@Moi1 yes where are the neighbors!?!? I have asked myself the same question. I have one, one that has been very supportive. She lost her husband in2006, and we share thoughts all the time. The best is she listens, just listens. The rest, here is what I got initially:
“Call me when you would like to come over for a glass of wine, we should have tea,”.how about calling and say we opened a bottle of wine, come on over, or I have the tea kettle on, come over. I have neighbors behind me that will help me with anything, but when it comes to my talking about my sweet husband they divert and talk about the European trip they’re taking this summer. Really, stabs me in the heart knowing I can’t make any more memories with my man. Someday they will understand.
If I sound angry, well, I am.
Peace and love. Karen
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Aw … they havent knocked on my door either … thwy just seen me in garden with my puppy ! Theres a lovely guy up the road who i can tell is keeping an eye on me cos he was concerned when he brought a bereavment card but thats unusual isnt it … just hang on to those who are being kind to you xxx
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Honestly people. Hooe you find sine more supportive friends love xxx
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Honestly, so do I!
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Here is something I read reading about grieving at 6 mos:
Grief beyond six months, the researchers said, can be considered a diagnostic criterion for prolonged grief disorder , which would indicate the need for evaluation for psychiatric complications of bereavement, such as major depressive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Guess I need a shrink. This is ridiculous.
Karen
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I’ve heard some garbage in my time but that must be amongst the worst! Who says you should be better after 6 months? Treat that remark with the contempt it deserves.
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Yeah I feel I’m getting worse not better. I just constantly dwell on the “what ifs”. It breaks my heart. My love is gone.
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Thank you to those who responded about “complicated grief”. How in the hell are we suppose to be near normal, oh yes another article said we should feel near normal, with “ebbs and flows of grief”. I was married 52 yrs, with my beloved 57 yrs, so in 6 mos I should feel “near normal”. I will never ever feel normal again. My life as I knew it is over. My head is about to explode.
Karen
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I’m only at 3 months and it sometimes feels like it was only yesterday. 6 months my backside! All the ‘firsts’ haven’t even been met by then. Some of these text books and articles do more harm than good. There is no time line for grief. Everyone is different. Love to all and I wish you all a peaceful night x. Jean.
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