You too Jean. Thank you
Karen
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Your words are my thoughts, thank you xxā„ļø
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@George4 and I thank you. We are all suffering. I am so grateful for the support of this group. As I am sure with everyone, this journey depletes us emotionally and physically. We all understand that.
Peace and love, Karen
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I feel exactly the same as you, my husband was my life, we were a team and did absolutely everything together. He passed last September after a 5 year fight with Vasculitis and heart failure. I feel empty, lost, and have often thought of ending my life too. Life seems pointless without my darling husband, Iām lonely, depressed and just donāt know what to do. Life is so cruel. I cant see the point of anything right now.
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@jasper10 as we all on this site feel sorry for you beloved loss and having to join this club no one wants to be in. I have been there but try to do small steps simple things, make a cup of tea or toast. Letting the tears flow is you brains way of trying to help with this trauma you have inflicted on you. You are doing well as you managed to post on this site, which is a huge step shows you are reaching out. Reading these threads on this site has help me as it shows we are not alone. in the initial months the tunnel feels very dark and alone, but take it from me my dear friend the weight of our grief does lighten. Keeping is all safe.
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Morning, @Jasper10. Iām so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I lost mine last November very suddenly and unexpectedly. We actually had plans for that day. You and I are in the very early days of our grief where everything is nightmarish and surreal. My adult children and I have all said that weāve felt like finishing ourselves off because the pain is so intense. But we know we wouldnāt. I really wish I could offer you some words of comfort but thereās nothing anyone can say and Iām not one for empty ātext bookā responses such as ātime healsā. Have you a good support system around you such as friends and/or family? I find myself looking for other people who have been through this and are now more settled and happier even if it is after a few years. Then I think that, in a while, be it months or years, people will be looking at me and realising that Iāve survived and are happier and more peaceful. Please take care of yourself. Big cuddle to you. Jean x.
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Aw im sorry for you. Its a hard path isnāt it. I just had a meltdown this morning cos i miss talking to him. I loved him so much and didnt want him to go! He said 3 days before he passed he didnāt want to go either. But the cancer took him ! Breaks my heart it does. I loved him so much - he was such a special person ! 8ts not fair that god taken such a special person from my life 
x
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So sorry for your lost i lost my Husband to cancer oct last year also lost my Mum to cancer oct 2019 i hate cancer its so unfair to watch your love one go through so much people say aleast his not suffering no more but in my eyes it should never had happened to him i miss and love him so much
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Yes i cant believe that in 2022 they cant do more!!! Its absolutely riduculous !!! But what do ypu expect with a crap NHS far as i can see !!! They found a vaccination for covid quick enough though !!! Grrrhhh ā¦ makes me so angry !!! They said in end couldnt help him cos thought he was too weak to survive an op or chemo and just left him to go ā¦ it seems so cruel to me ! For anybody not just my precious hisband x
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And it makes me very cross when people say hes not in any pain now !!! Well i damn well am !!! Ive got a massive pain iny heart !
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I feel the same as you was told my husband needed a op but told in the end it would not go a head as he was not strong enough in my eyes why did they not do something sooner rather then wait untll it was to late he went through a year and a half of chemo and then it was like they just gave up on him
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I know its horrible how they just give up on them ! So brutal !!! At least he got the shot to have chemo ā¦ my husband never got the chance they didnt think he was strong enough to take it ā¦ but i just think they couldve tried to try prolong his life ā¦ it all happened so fast !!! X
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Im the same, he got diagnosed in 2018 and was told he would get an op. Went through so much prior to the op to be prepared and then told at the last minute that the anaesthetist wasnt satisfied he would survive the 6 hour op and it didnt happen. He then endured more chemo and radiotherapy, it went away, then came back and this went on and on, he got worse and worse, in and out of hospital and eventually they said nothing could be done so he was sent home to die as he couldnt eat or swallow and they did nothing to help. I have nightmares every day, I relive every moment, I couldnt do anything, I had to suffer and watch and be his nurse because no-one else could. I am in a living hell. Didnt know I could cry so much.
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Yes its awful when they say that isnt it and you just have to watch and you cant do absolutely anything ā¦ jeez yeh i have flasbacks too about those last few days and how it happened so fast ā¦ he wss too young ! Compared to my parents who are still alive ! So not fair ! It shouldve been them not him !!! Sounds awful doesnt it buit they had 22 years longer than him ! But my mum is being nice ā¦ think it upset her too tbh ā¦ x
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Yes, Deb5, its just not fair. He was only 59 and we were married just short of 33 years. He was my world, did everything together including our work, we just loved each other so much and now Im so empty. One of my friends is forcing me out to the cinema today and I dont want to go, I only got out my bed an hour ago. I cant face places and people but she is adamant to get me out. Might do me good, I doubt it but I will go anyway and put on my front. Im so grateful for putting my mad thoughts down on this forum. Thinking of everyone going through this hell. xx
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Hi mol1 my husband literally just had his 60th birthday in October 2022 and he was the same to me ! He was my world. I hope you enjoy getting out to the cinema ! Good friend taking you out ! Xxx
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I understand totally, my Husband wasnt ill, just tripped over and broke 4 ribs. He never came out of hospital, died a week later. He was 55 and y soulmate. The last thing he did before they sedated him in icu was txt me saying how much he loved me. I keep looking at that txt. So much sadness for all of us here.
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JaneD that is so incredibly sad. Im crying buckets for you xx
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Aw bless im glad he told you he loved you though. I toldmy husband just before he passed that i loved him and i said do you love me too - but he could hardly talk at this point but tried to say yes ! I know he loved me ā¦ its so sad isnt it ? Im glad u have your text to look at though ā¦ i have a few short videoās of him that i look at ! Its almost like a dream isnt it all this ! A bad dream xxx
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So much sadness, agony, feeling utterly alone. I have posted several times about my beloved husband who died in Aug. he had Alzheimerās, a wicked disease. The suffering was, well you all know suffering. I feel like I should have made some progress in this journey, but I havenāt. And yes I have heard all the cliches, āhe is at peace now, give it time, you have wonderful memories, stay strongā. I want to scream. But these comments come from a lack of understanding. That is why we are on this site, because we understand each other, we all āger itā. Our precious loves are gone, how do we incorporate that in our lives going forward. Wish I had words of wisdom on how to achieve that. Maybe together we will figure it out. I simply donāt know. But grateful for all of you.
Love and peace, Karen
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