Oh my JaneD. Ok, now you see their true colors. Best you stay away from them. They are angry and quite frankly need help. Let others deal with them. The things they said to you are unforgivable. You are right you need to move on from the relationship you had with them. They are hurtful and you are hurting more than enough. Try to get some sleep as difficult as it may be.
Peace and love, Karen
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@JaneD I am glad things are being sorted. You are right though, itās after this comes the real grief. You will probably be overwhelmed but you will be upset for the right reason, grieving for your lost partner. You will feel an intensity of emotion and pain which will disorientate you. But you have shown resilience in dealing with a truly terrible group of people. That strength will come through again as the initial shock wave recedes. You will continue to get love and support here so post as you need. xx
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Wow well dont worry cos im just beibg bullied by my family ! Ive had enough ! Im gonna move away and im never speaking to any of them again ! Had it with my kids and had it with my so called ābirthā family ! Theyre bullying me and they wouldnt dare if my husband wss alive ! Cos he wouldve whacked em !!! 
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Thanks Mike75
I feel a slump today. Just not been able to get back to sleep.
Going over in my head things i wish i had of said to them. And also regretting a few things i did say.
They kept asking why their Dad hadnt saved more or made a will. They said most men work jobs from 8 in the morning till 6. My Husband lived with stage 4 kidney disease for 8 years and the pills he took for it made him very tired. He would have to sit down after any exertion. He also had 2 hip replacements as a side effect of taking steroids which left him with a longer leg. Hence he would have struggled with quite a few jobs. He was lucky he worked at the family business.
My response to there question was to ask him all these questions when they see him after their death.
Not my finest moment. Should i apologise?
Xx
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@JaneD You should try and avoid the what ifs as there is absolutely nothing you can change. Just after my wife passed away I found my mind reliving all the parts of our life together and wondering whether things could have been different but I quickly decided that was a waste of emotional energy. What is, is and cannot be changed. Focus instead on surviving day to day and grieve for what is lost. There is no way you should be apologising to anyone. If anything they should be apologising to you. My wife used to say the past is another country and Iāve emigrated. You can remember it with fondness but you no longer live there.You will keep getting support here so keep posting when you need it. Love xx
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@JaneD as mike has said do not apologies by the act of worrying about what you said shows you are a caring person, not all people deserve this care - this includes family. My wife came from a large family four sisters and 2 brothers but the only time they ever got in touch was for help from my wife. She was the diamond in that family, People show there true nature when it comes to money.
@Deb5 really sorry your kids are giving you a really horrible time as well. Give them the silent treatment as bullying is not acceptable at any time of life, especially when we are grieving and vulnerable.
keep yourselves safe sending virtual hugs.
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Thank you allen ! Thats exactly what my mum said today ! Dont talk to them ! Tell them as little as possible ā¦ ha i think youre both right 
thanks xx
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Thanks Mike75 and Allen2
I wish i could tell them to just keep the money. Its not been a great few days xx
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Moi1 I know exactly what you mean . Everything you have planned and hoped for the future has now gone and there is nothing you can do about it. I am so shell shocked that I canāt even feel angry about it.
It is such a comfort to know that we are not alone, walking this awful path.
Big hugs and strength to all.
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@Alir
Your loss is very recent I see so the shock is probably still with you.
We have to first realise the truth of our loss before we can begin to see any way of dealing with it. I have never felt angry so I donāt think it is necessarily something we all go through - unless it is still to come for me. Iām not an angry sort of person though, neither is my daughter @ObeSnug.
I suspect many people feel worse once the shock wears off a bit and the reality of the loss begins to set in.
Remember that whatever you feel is how you are meant to feel at any given stage. There is no set pathway and we are all different in how we react. I am reading a really helpful book called Resilient Grieving, which a friend I made from this forum very kindly sent me. It is written by a lady who was studying resilience when she suddenly lost her daughter in a car accident. She used her research to help with her grief and is sharing it in the book.
Hugs to all
xxx
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KarenF
Thank you. I do let myself grieve, which for me means crying every day, I just canāt stop sometimes as I feel overwhelmed by it all. You are right, everyone grieves in a different way .
We lost our daughter 20 years ago in an accident and I thought the world had ended then but my husband was by my side and we grieved together and helped each other. I thought I would never feel that sort of pain again but now it feels so much worse as my whole family have now gone.
I will get that book as I can relate very much to it.
Big hugs.
I will get that book as I can relate to
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If like me you have difficulty sleeping, thereās a night world where you can feel free. You donāt see anyone or have to converse. Itās quiet and timeless. You can just think and feel and be. I ask my subconscious mind to let me dream of my wife, just to see her and to speak with her. It rarely works but when it does it is really wonderful.
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Iām sorry to hear your story, those people sound awful. Make it a priority to get them out of your life. Block them from contacting your phone, get someone to help you if you donāt know how to block them.
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I hope these 2 poems may give comfort xxx
You can shed a tear he is gone,
Or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and prey that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you canāt see him,
Or it can be full of the love you both shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in yesterday,
Or you can happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he has gone,
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would have want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped into the next room.
I am I and you are you
What ever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
Which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Prey, smile, think of me. Prey for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all it ever ment,
It is the same it ever was.
The is an absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
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The thing is we are all suffering and understand more than probably our family & friends how unbelievably hard it is, yes we have days that maybe arenāt quite as bad as they might have been, we think maybe we will get threw it, but blumming heck then something happens, often something that in the past we could have (& would have) taken in our step, but now itās major. As long as we can help each other along this long (long) road, I say thank you. Big hug xxx
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There is so much in your message that I can relate to. I lost my partner of 34 years in December and am really struggling to move on. Everything feels so bleak and pointless now and what surprises me is that this feeling is getting worse not better. What is surprising to me are the people that I really would have expected to be more understanding. Close friends and family members who seem to think that itās time to āmove onā now. I would give anything to be able to do just that as anyone on this site would. I donāt talk about how I am doing with them any more because it just feels as if it makes them uncomfortable. The problem with that is that you just keep bottling everything up and in my case I am beginning to feel that I am better off alone. I know thatās not healthy but easier sometimes at the moment. I too have had some quite dark thoughts recently but I have two children and couldnāt imagine causing them any more pain. I donāt know whereabouts on this journey I am, Iāve never gone through this before. Like you, at the moment each day just feels like something to get through and I cannot seem to find any enjoyment in even things that used to make me happy. I can only think that it must get easier to deal with at some stage. People do learn to live with their loss and carry on with their lives. I guess everyoneās journey is unique. Hopefully though, we will all get to that point eventually. I really do wish you well and hope that gradually there will be a little more light in your life. I think that posting on this site is maybe the first step- people with a shared experience who wonāt judge you or be dismissive because they are in pain too.
I have no āwords of wisdomā- if I did maybe I wouldnāt be the mess that I am- but hopefully all the messages from people here will help you to feel less alone. Xx
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@ClaireJ1 I am so sorry for your sad loss. You say you have no words of wisdom and in terms of a magic formula, none of us has that. But re-read your post, it is full of wise words and insight. Love and support. xx
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@ClaireJ1
I am the opposite to many people in your life in that I would be totally AMAZED if any of us could āmove onā so quickly after losing the love of our lives. What would that say about their importance in our lives? For so many of us on here, they were our mainstay, the other half of who we are and for a lot, our only reason to live.
I am lucky that I have my two daughters to live for, which gives me the determination to make sure I donāt let grief win.
You are only three months in to this very long path of grief and many people tend to feel worse after the acceptance that this is real and not that nightmare we will wake up from. I would say it is realistic to only set the tiniest of goals, which may be to do one piece of admin, then realise that you succeeded. I donāt know how busy your life is but having something to focus on really helps me so maybe try to find something which absorbs your mind for a while to give you a break from the grief for a few minutes / hours.
In the book a lovely friend I have made from this site that is mentioned - Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone. She did a TED talk which was very interesting too.
Sending love to you
Karen xxx
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You hit the nail on the head. Little targets, baby steps are what we need to take (till we feel able to manage toddlers steps lol) Set achievable targets & accept you wonāt be able to achieve what you used to, donāt feel a failure (difficult I know) but be proud of what you have achieved (as time goes on you will be able to do more, then looking back over time you have achieved so much more than you believed possible, remember Rome wasnāt built in a day! It was my birthday yesterday (a really tough day for me) but I got threw it. My next neighbour gave me a card (I didnāt even know she knew it was my birthday) & inside she had written she thought I was amazing in how Iād coped since Mark died, while I myself felt I was trying my best, but failing miserably. Them comments meant such a lot and what a boost they give me. A great big hug sent heartfelt from me to all of you xxx
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