So sorry to hear you are having a slump Karen, April is almost upon us, and that will be another hard step for you. Like Mike says you are always there for us, and we will aways be here for you. Richard will be saying look how far you have come. and willing you on, like us all. Take good care xxx,
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Know exactly how you feel. I went away occasionally with friends myself but now I cannot face planning an outing without my precious person. I too am anxious and feel everyone is watching me. Hate being on my own and dread being invited to anything as donāt want to go anywhere. I can manage a lunch or a coffee but canāt even go out at night for dinner. That was something we used to do a lot and I canāt bear it without him. 7 months on and things are no better for me. Consumed with grief and cry so hard I get headaches. He and I both having big birthdays this year and i find myself looking up cruises and rail journeys and flights as if I was planning our joint birthday special holiday. Dont know how to get out this mindset. Still want him back but he is just a pile of ashes in a container now.
I never saw my life like this. My mother is in her 90ās and I really dont want to last that long in this living āhellā. Hate this existence.
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@Moi1
It is so hard isnāt it. I feel the same as you about going anywhere. I am unable to go out on my own but can manage it if I am with someone. My confidence is rock bottom at the moment. I also think that people are watching me and know what has happened to me. Why I feel like this I have no idea.
I have been out with friends and family but only in the daytime and then only somewhere quiet. I had to pop into town last week and couldnāt wait to come home as the noise and the people made me panic. Luckily the friend I was with was very understanding .
I donāt know how or when things will get better but I want them to as I know Ron would hate to see me like this. I want my old life back so badly but am begining to realise this is my new life and I have to make it as best I can. Words are so easy to say but so different is reality.
Sending love xx
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Im in abit of a slump too, its 6 months for me this sunday that my world was ripped apart. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago. Its just so unfair, he was only 47, we had the rest of our lives ahead of us, i miss him so much, i just want my old life back.
Love and hugs to all
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Thank you @Alir it will be my first time traveling without him. The whole thought and process is overwhelming.
Karen
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Oh @Skip I am so sorry, it is so very sad and to lose your partner so very young is so unfair. Itās almost 11weeks for me and I had 2 better days this week, better in that I met with a good friend for coffee and I bought some pansies which I was intending to plant today. But I woke up with the now familiar black cloud and that horrible sick feeling in my stomach. I know how it feels to want your old life back, I hope tomorrow is a better day for us all - nothing but love xx
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@Alir I think your Ron would be so proud of the steps you have made and in trying to adjust to this new life none of us wanted. You are trying to find your way and sending your hope and strength on your journey xxxx.
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Yes I can almost hear my hubby saying come on girl, donāt be sad and get on with things but I just canāt. Itās simply too hard. Im just back from a walk and I just cried the whole time as we used to do these walks together when we knew nothing about this horrible disease. Only 59. Just not fair.
Thank you to all of you who are the only ones who understand.
Xx
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My husband was 60 ā¦ its too young isnt it ? Its so not fair when you love someone so much ! I was so angry with the world when he went aa well as sad ā¦ im so up and down still and yeh i cry on walks and i can see him everywhere i go near my home ā¦ its awful isnt it just remembering their love and now thatās gone 
but we have to try for them ! They would want us to xxxx
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@sandi @Moi1
Thank you for your kind words, feel very touched.
So pleased this site exists, we can all share and try and comfort each other.
Lots of love xx
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@Karetired
Feeling for you in this. The whole idea of booking tickets etc would be enough to put me in a spin as we mostly only traveled in the UK, even though when we did go further it was me who made the arrangements. The emotional side of it is another huge hurdle and you may well cry but I hope your sister in law and nephew will be there support you and realise what a huge step it is for you.
I really admire your determination to try and Iām sure your beloved husband would be so proud, even of the decision to go.
Karen xxx
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Its been a bad day. First i got another horrible email from my evil brother in law telling me hes stopping my dividends which he can do until probate comes through unless i sign a contract giving my Husbands kids a massive chunk of my inheritance. Then the life assurance phoned, my husband didnāt put he had gout on the form so they wont pay out. Then i went to my friendās and a fatal warning light on my car came on. Take to garage immediately. So i have not enough money to pay the bills i cant pay my mortgage off with the life assurance like my Husband wanted and i will probably have to pay Ā£100s of pounds on my car. Ive been having panic attacks in tears for 3 hours. I feel very low tonight
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Oh JaneD how awful. What a horrible day youāve had. Unbelievable the insurance company. Maybe you could contact citizens advice about your financial worries. Is there no way you can get in Touch with some kind of insurance Ombudsman re an appeal? Would you not even be entitled to just receiving all the payments made back to you. Just not fair on top of everything. Hopefully the car is not as bad as u think. X
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Oh @JaneD
Really sorry you have all this to deal with on top of the grief. Insurance companies are the pits! The will use anything to get out of paying and the least said about your brother in law the better I guess.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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@JaneD
Gosh, I canāt belive how greedy and ruthless some people are. This is the last thing you need, you are in deep grief, you need peace.
It is a goos idea to get advice ss soon as you feel you can.
Sending strength and a hug xx
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that is so awful @JaneD so sorry you have to manage all this on top of your grief, I would never believe people can be so heartless. Hope you can get some good advice when you feel up to it, and the car is not as sick as it sounds. Sending hugs xxx
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@JaneD How nasty and awful. As for your brother in law you should say these children will get absolutely nothing at all, ever, unless he releases the dividends and then it is up to you what they get (i.e. two can play at this game). With regard to the insurance claim, the most common reason for a life insurance claim being unsuccessful is due to non-disclosure and this refers to withholding details at the point of application. So did your husband have gout at the time the policy was taken out? If not, you have a case. They may have also listed diseases to notify and gout might not have been included. You need to check the detail.
I really hope the car is not too bad. What a terrible time you are having. You will be suffering the pain of loss and these vultures are using your vulnerability. Love and hugs xx
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@JaneD oh my. What your brother-in-law is doing to you is inhumane. I agree with others that have commented that when yoy feel you can, get some expert advice. As if going through the devasting journey of grief isnāt enough. Thank a deep breath and pour yourself a glass of wine or whatever you prefer. We are all here for you. What goes around comes around. It will all come back to them. What horrible people.
Take care of yourself. Karen
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