59 is so young. My husband was 74 and I felt that was too soon. I too go on walks and cry the whole time. I talk to my sweetheart through my tears. I have been thinking how different things seem, or maybe better said about how different I feel about things. We live in a beautiful community that just doesn’t feel as beautiful. The sky is not as blue and the flowers just don’t smell as good. It is such a struggle. Our beloved sweet husbands would absolutely want us to move on. My problem is that I don’t know how to do that without him. Broken-hearted, Karen
4 Likes
Cant you ? I can ! Especially when it comes to money 
1 Like
Thankfully my vertigo.
has eased off.I am still struggling with sadness though.We are all in the same boat I feel the same It sometimes feels like a nightmare and I will wake up and then I realise it is the cold frightening truth that I am in another existence which I don’t know how to handle.The counseller is trying to help me to move past the day of Zekis death.I am trying to collect all the things in my mind that he said to me or that I know he would say to me .I am trying to fight back the tears and to prevent feeling so physically sick.
I am working towards collecting his ashes inthe near future and I am still working on the idea of a bench with plaque .Many times I feel so desperate and read these posts for a while although I don’t write very much
Thank you Mike for enquiring how I am getting on
Annxx
4 Likes
@19Lefke95 Ann, sometimes
just getting through each day is a small victory. I find reading posts helps me so it is only fair if I can help someone else. We are together here. Keep posting when you you need when days seem dark and lonely and let us know when you are able to collect the ashes and post a photo when you arrange a bench and plaque. In the meantime, I hope your vertigo keeps under control. I remember a post here that said something like tears are love with nowhere to go, and those much further down the line than me say crying because we have lost our loved ones may diminish but never goes away.
Love and support to you xx
4 Likes
Exactly xx
1 Like
Gout ?? That’s just an excuse not to pay out . I’m a nurse , believe me gout is treatable and not consider red life threatening , appeal . Plus you could have a bout of gout and never have one again . That’s so cruel xx
3 Likes
Thanks for replies from my last post , I let go and sent a message to martins brother in Southern Ireland , got it all of my chest , he replied to say he would talk to me but was disappointed with the 5 mins at crem that I didn’t want his ex wife at but she turned up with no notice . I completely lost it , told him I was far more disappointed than him , I’d put 2 funerals together , looked after him , communicated fir 4 weeks and they’ve let him down . Very cathartic but in a complete state of anxiety and grief , cannot get an appointment with gp I try every day . Especially hate waking up in the morning to face the day and the bang to the chest and the pain . Does this improve ??? Martin died in February xx please say it does !!
3 Likes
I jnow its hard to appreciate anything around you without them isnt it ? Oh im having a bad day today … so fed up of not having him here ! Its so hard i dont think ive ever felt so alone in my entire life …
6 Likes
I know how you feel the little dog i am looking after goes home today will miss him so much i have had lots of cuddles from him and taken him for walks in the park and meet some other dog walkers while there not sure how i will feel once his gone as will be on my own again
3 Likes
Bad day here too. Not even sure why, just feeling like the slightest thing will set me off! Must start getting better soon x
4 Likes
I just miss him … he gave me a purpose to everything … he gave me a reason to be on this planet why did god do this to me ? Why didn’t he save him ? I dont understand ? Its so hard being single after youve had a partner for 35 years ! I hate it !!! And my kids are so horrible and selfish 
they just look after themselves
7 Likes
Deb5 - I totally get this. 7 months, no better he was only 59, big 60 this year. I have no reason and no purpose either. I am alone but trying to get out but even if I do meet someone for a coffeee (I dont go out at night), its still only me coming back to the empty house with no-one to actually tell how my day/coffee went. Its just overwhelming.
5 Likes
Wow thats exactly the same dog we had for 13 years.
2 Likes
Yeh thats what you miss isnt it ? Telling someone about your day / life … i feel like nobody cares about me he cared about me ! And now hes gone
5 Likes
I know … its just hard some days ! And peoplw dibt really help do they ! Id swap all the people n the world for my husband back
4 Likes
He is so loving and loves loads of cuddles
3 Likes
I feel the same way Deb5 just so unhappy without him
2 Likes