I feel exactly the same as you and I was told to get a dog by many people it has been just about 17 months but I am struggling I am from Fife I was think of setting something up so widows can meet and talk rather than online as not available xx
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Couldnāt have said it any better x
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I want a dog tbh but just need to get someone to go with me to find one. I had to put my old dog of 16 down 2 days before my husbandās funeral ! You couldnt make it up could you ? Such a sad time and missing both of them so really think it would do me good. But āfamilyā far too busy to help me find another one !!! Think my friend may be going with me to local dog trust to see if i can find one ! 
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Itās awful isnāt it. I have so many pages to re go through.
I didnāt want to go through PALS, didnāt think they would be helpful or treat the complaint seriously enough.
Hoping by going through my MP the hospital will respond properly. I know with the investigation that has already been started by the ME I was told that they will contact me to have a meeting with those involved, I will be chasing that up.
I know it wonāt bring him back (wish it could!) But they seriously need to address their actions or should I say lack of action - they took him from me and put the blame on me.
I know it wasnāt my fault, but that still plays on me. I know we are all feeling similar with blame and the what ifās ā¦ But the hospital directly blaming me, that was awful.
I seem to be having very bad days lately, sleep is not happening (30minutes if Iām lucky) Iām then up all night struggling. Anxiety attacks are awful at the moment.
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Well said, one step forward 2 steps back, sometimes itās like a game of snakes and ladders, you think your winning and you slide right down to the bottom. I also agree as weāve all suffered, we know thereās nothing you can do to help except be there to offer a (virtual) shoulder to cry on & kind words when we are feeling strong and be on the receiving end when we are not, just be there for each other is a comfort xxx
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Hi
I have had a bad weekend, you are right one step forward and two steps back. My Frances has been gone 253 , days now, yes I do count the days, each day is a struggle. I have had to force myself to get out the door Monday morning
I joined an art club meeting on a Monday to get out the door as it was the only way for me to get up.
When home I am in tears when a song on the radio trigger a memory. I would give everything to have her back, to cuddle, smell her scent, hear her voice and yes to receive a telling off.
We are all in the same situation here ,at different stages of loss , but the grief is the same for all.
Writing this gives some comfort to me.
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Well said. Glad you got married as it will have made so many things easier. We had been together 40 years and never married but I am certainly being made to pay for that in so many ways. Big hug xxx
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Car2242: So glad you have found comfort in writing on here (me also) and you hit the nail on the head about how everything is so hard, please be strong and be proud that you go to your art club, remember baby steps, we may never see each other but we are here for each other threw the most difficult time of our lives, as we have learnt we may have had family & friends that we thought would have given support and then be let down xxx
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Aw yeh so true ;( 
just a cuddle ā¦ im only about day 50 but its killing me man ! Every morning i wake up and remember hes not here next to me ā¦ i even looked at his side of bed this morning just to check he wasnt there - ofcourse he wasnt !!
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Reading your posts reassures me that I am not alone. I hate waking up in the morning knowing I have to face the day alone . I try and have some thing planned for the day which helps but those waking moments of anxiety and grief are so hard to overcome and am not sure how to overcome them . Weāre all walking this horrible path in our different ways but find comfort and solace in each others story Thank you x
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I think going up the stairs to bed every night and waking up every morning is the worst - the feeling of lonliness is unbearable, no more chats and cuddles and the security of him being there and now heās not and I worry all the time and I wake up constantly and cant get back to sleep and then I have unsettling dreams and then I am just so drained. Its all very well people saying Im here for a chat pick up the phone, but I might just want to say something flippant, something Ive seen on TV or someone I saw outside or just what weāll have for dinner tomorrow, stuff I would have talked to him about but means nothing to anyone else. Its so, so hard and even 23 weeks now, I still cant believe he is gone. I tried counselling, not for me but I must say I registered for the Sue Ryder grief text service thingy and they send you really positive messages which I have found to be the best yet.
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@Moi1 youve hit the nail on the head with everything you sayā¦just someone to chat sometimes just rubbish to. I also hate bedtime and have found it really tough to sleep in our bed. I sleep most nights on the couch, well i say sleep!!
Love and hugs to all
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Yeh its hard sleeping in the marital bed isnāt it xxx but i still do it ā¦ got his favourite cushion at side of me so give that a hug instead x
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Yes still in our bed. Cuddling a bear I gave Frances one valitine day, place a cushion in my back to think she is along side with me. Grief is overwhelming.
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@Carl2242 @Sulane @Deb5 @Moi1 @Skip i too was like you all mornings for me were the worst and i used to stay in bed until most of it was gone, but with time my pain i have found has is less raw, so try to be kind to yourselves. I have to agree tho nights are now becoming a kick in the teeth, just no one to talk too, other than you guys on line. i am have gone back to work this week as i have become desperate for normality/distractions and to subdue loneliness. in evenings i try to watch vanilla films, which is quite hard as most revolve around loss of a loved one - which now a major trigger. Hoping as the evenings become lighter hoping these feelings will become less intense - at least i will be able to go and stare at the seaā¦
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Ive tried a few of these tips about sleeping in our bed with not much success, only when im really tired. Another tip i got from this great community was to sleep on Briās side of the bed, so when i woke there wouldnt be a gaping hole where he should be.
Thanks for all your support xx
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Like the phrase vanilla films @Allen2. I cant cope with any tv with couples in. Been binge watching waterloo road, right from the beginning. Easy watch, no need to concentrate.
I also find the sea comforting, and quite often find myself down by the coast.
Xx
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Yes Carl2242, Im the same. I sleep with his teeshirt but I cant sleep on his side as it feels odd however I need to turn the mattress round soon so it will be his side (that he died on). I watch TV in bed until i nod off and like the others, its just mindless easy watching and then sometimes it catches you out because someone will die or have cancer or some other sad moment and that then sets me off again. I re-live those last moments on a loop, cant get the thoughts out my head, even walking up stairs holding the same bannister as him, he is everywhere yet nowhere. I am just overwhelmed with grief every day. I simply cannot believe this has happened and I am living this hell every day. We had so many plans and I feel so robbed and its just not fair.
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@Carl2242 I sleep in our bed but have two large pillows on my wifeās side. I warm them on the radiator before I get in bed, turn out the light and put my arm around them and blow two kisses to her. Daft but very soothing.
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Gosh ā¦ i totally get ya 
xx
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