Talking to a friend yesterday, she cant bear the thoight of her mum dying but all I could describe it is that the feeling has a different “flavour” to any other feeling Ive had before…
Anyone agree with that?
Mx
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I think leading up to the funeral you have so much to do. I had to do everything for my mums and I agree after the funeral it’s a different kind of grief that we are dealing with. I literally cried all day Saturday, don’t know if it was because I got her ashes on the Friday. At night time when I go to bed it’s the same. I have lost close family members but your right @Mazza6 this is totally different.
I am so glad I have this platform so I know that what I am feeling isn’t just me.
You take whatever sign you get from your mum. I was listening to the radio today and they said their first crush was John Wayne, my mum loved him and his movies. They come to us in different ways 
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Ha my mum liked John Wayne too!
Yes, I definitely feel comforted that a few of us are sharing similar experiences, at the same time. Makes me feel more normal perhaps!
Ive been wondering how Im going to feel when I receive mums ashes later on this week. Yesterday I was going through the last few hours, weeks, months reliving it agsin. I had to ask them if Id told them this before and they said Once or twice, but its ok. I think Ive been traumatised by it. Perhaps the funeral triggered me again?
Im taking any help thats offered and am seeing a counsellor on Thurs, 4th session. Through GP. Shes ok but not brilliant.
Sorry Im rambling…Mx
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A couple of my friends have lost their mums and they have been great, one more recently and she has told me how she felt at certain stages. I sometimes feel like talking to them to feels like therapy.
Ramble all you want if it makes you feel better that’s the main thing. To our mums and John Wayne, that has made me smile thank you 
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Hi Banafell
I am so sorry for your loss. My lovely mum passed away last March I can’t believe it’s nearly a year I am dreading the first anniversary it feels like yesterday, also I am supporting my dad he is in a rest home now and I know he likes it but the guilt eats away at me. I also work full time and it’s all a balancing act. I will be starting counselling in March hopefully it will help me,maybe you could give that a go. I can’t say it gets easier but you do have to keep going for the rest of your family.
Look after yourself
Katz
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Isn’t it one of the most disappointing things to no have that support and interest? It costs nothing and the magic of those words 'How are you coping?" can be so elusive. I lost my mother last year and some people I know have not being particularly kind (some have) where I have been loyal to them in various situations life has thrown at them. It’s scary how soon people stop asking…
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My dad is gone 3 months now and my emotions remain raw. Still find myself in floods of tears at random times throughout the day.
I have one friend who calls me frequently a couple of ex colleagues have been very supportive since they realised how much I’m struggling to cope, but my BEST 4 friends have disregarded my messages on our group chat on several occasions to the point I have left the chat. I am meeting with them on Thursday for lunch and a chat as “it’s all been a misunderstanding and I should know they are always there for me”.
I haven’t saw any of my friends since dads funeral and not received any personal calls or messages from any of them. Apparently because I don’t want to go out for a drink (due to my emotional state) I obviously want to be alone. That appears to be the consensus. Even although I have asked on a few occasions to meet for a lunch or evening meal.
I am so disappointed, hurt and upset with them & I hope that I can be a better friend to others when they need me.
True saying you find out who your true friends are when you need them most xxx
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It is one of the saddest parts of grief. The loss within the loss. I lost mum 5 months ago and the lack of support is both disheartening and shocking.
My “best friend” has checked in a couple of times via message but never called once!!! Other friends never bring up my loss or ask me how I feel… it seems discussing a bereavement is taboo.
I’ve found much more support here with virtual strangers than with those I thought were important in my life. 
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It’s strange or maybe coincidence that this has came up on the chat. I am in a group chat with 3 other friends, 2 of them have lost their mums and have been in touch just checking in and getting a coffee and a catch up organised the other one not heard anything and one of the girls said today it was the same when she lost her mum. It’s the ones you think will be there haven’t been and others not heard anything since the funeral. I am fortunate I have one I call ‘my stalker’ she phones min once a week but every 2nd day messages to check on me and even randomly appears at my door as she was just passing! Be truthful if they say anything that you might have heard more from them.
Take care and thank goodness for this page.
Valda
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Glad you have your “stalker” Valda. I’ve just watched a couple of videos supplied by Sue Ryder and it’s basically saying support starts to deteriorate over time. I don’t feel supported at all by my friends. My family are moving forward and I am stuck in this horrible uncontrollable grieving mess.
I live alone don’t know if that makes things harder for me. Got family hugs when dad passed and on the day of his funeral otherwise no physical comfort. 
does that make a difference??? Trying to self- analyse here xxx
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@Lynne06 it’s just me and my son and I often feel alone at least I have him (not that I get much out a 12 year old). Family should be there to and yes the support does seem to disappear and folk just get on with their lives. Your not over analysing at all this is an extremely difficult thing we are all going through and taking 5 mins to check in shouldn’t be too much to ask for.
Valda xx
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Thank you for the replies. It appears to be a common theme that friends back off as if grief is contagious. It’s a very isolating experience without having your mates turn their back.
I want to meet and take my mind off things for a while, talk about all the daft things we have done in the past. Actually need to laugh. But I feel this set up for lunch is making me feel uncomfortable and very reluctant to go. Will they all deny their “neglect” be on the defence or is it all im my imagination?? X
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Hi Lynne06
Just go with the flow Have lunch with them and just see how it goes. It’s strange how people act after a bereavement thinking the person wants to be alone. They seem to think they know everything when in fact they know nothing.
Analyse everything afterwards
Deborahx
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Hi Everyone,
How’re you doing today? I’ve not messaged, but have been lurking. I’ve just been feeling so low. I was the original creator of this post and it has now been six weeks to the day from when I lost my lovely Mum. Two girls who I thought were my ‘‘best’’ friends, and until then I’d have done anything for, haven’t even bothered to contact me apart to find out the ‘‘gossip’’ of how she died. Upon the advice of another friend, I contacted them and asked if they’d like to go out and catch up. They each individually said ’ a couple of months’ nice. So those two relationships are dead now. I was sad because of Mum and their lack of kindness or even a single thought about me hurt me more. But better the devil you know I guess.
I am a single Mum and have taken to calling the Samarians in the evening, just for someone to talk to when my little daughter goes to bed. It makes me feel a little bit guilty, because I feel I’m taking the time away from someone who really needs it.
I have separated life into two parts, before Mum, and after Mum. I feel like a piece of my heart is missing and don’t find joy in the things I used to.
To reiterate what some other ladies have said, I feel that life is moving on and I’m still stuck where I am. I don’t want the seasons to change - Mum’s funeral is 28th March (more than two months from when we found her dead) it’ll be Spring then. I can’t believe that I’ll never see her again, or hear her voice, or smell her.
I miss her so much, and don’t have a partner to talk to, or whom to cuddle. Sorry for going on, I just feel incredibly low at the moment and I know you all will understand xx
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Banafell
I’m sorry for your sad loss. I’m sure some lovely people on here who have suffered the same loss will be in touch with you, I too have not heard from what I thought was a close friend since the sad loss of my darling husband but this seems to go with devastating loss. sadly. Big hugs to you.
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Thank you for responding @Carol9 I appreciate it 
How’re you doing? xx
Banafell
I won’t lie to you, after over two years on I am still finding life tough but I can see that I am coping better but it is all still a big effort all the time. Hopefully you will start to cope even if just for your child gradually once the funeral is over. best wishes
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Hi Banafell
Good to see you back here. I’m so sorry to hear your mums funeral has still to come. It must be so very difficult knowing you still have this to go through.
I’m sorry to hear your friends have deserted you, it appears to be a very common issue which I fail to understand. 3 months gone by I’m still off work, back to absence meeting tomorrow (at least I get to see another face) to add more pressure to return to work. Still eagerly awaiting support from my lovely group of pals. No calls or wee messages to say they are thinking of me it’s very hurtful.
How is Samaritans? Does it help? I have thought of calling for support but havnt as yet.
Got 4 wks of support via my job in NHS. But it’s finished now. It was good to have someone to just listen and understand how I feel without judgment.
Always here for a chat
Sending love 
love
Lynne
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Hi Banafell
So good to hear from you. That is such a long time to wait, I thought 3 1/2 weeks was a long time for my mum. I know how you feel being a single parent, I’m in the same boat. I am on another chat on this and we were just saying yesterday that the folk that you think would be there for you just aren’t and you get forgotten about and they get on with their lives. It doesn’t get any better after the funeral sorry to say both with friends and I would say its not getting easier as I don’t think it is. Back to work chat and you haven’t even had her funeral. Our HR person messaged me for a back to work chat the day after my mums funeral, needless to say she got told! I went to see my uncle today as was feeling a bit rubbish (my mums brother) he seems to lift my spirits at times, has vascular dementia but makes a lot of sense as he lost my aunt last year but also has some sense of humour. Just getting a hug from him before I left made today a bit better as I see my mum in him.
Please keep posting on here.
Valda xx
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Hi Banafell,
So glad you are back. Dont worry about so called friends. We have all had them I know I have and blocking them is so liberating. Dont waste another minute on them ok . Anytime you want to talk just post as I always check the site every night or pm me . I havent slept through the night since mum died on Dec 30th. Just cant sleep. This site is my go to place where i can post rant chat whatever. It helps me writing my feelings down bec I am no good on the phone I just break down and cry.
My mums funeral was 5 weeks also a long time but I was glad as I managed it better than if it had been earlier.
I understand what you are going through. Everything you have written resonates with me esp about the two lives.
How old is your little girl?
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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