Hi Banafell. Good to hear from you!
The lack of support is just so common to everyone I see…I thought it was just myself being so unfortunate.
I just don’t understand it. The many layers of our loss.
5 months have passed for me and it seems to have passed so quickly although the days are long. I miss mum so much. I can’t believe she’s gone at times.
Love you mum. 
Sending love to all.xx
Aah @Lynne06, @Valda & @seychelles I must admit that I had a little cry at how lovely you all were, when I read your messages. You’re all so kind. Thank you, I mean that.
I think I’m so emotional at the moment because (as I mentioned) it has been six weeks, and we’re no further forward, time of the month is also nearly upon me, so there’s that -which I suspect is not helping!
I just feel that I have nothing to look forward to too, Mum and I used to go shopping and even though I could do that with my daughter (she’s just turned three @seychelles) nothing has the same ‘‘magic’’ that it did when my Mum was here. I am dreading Christmas, but I have the whole year to get through first.
How’re you all today? I’m in work, and cried the majority of the train journey.
@Lynne06 , Yes the Samarians do help, but they didn’t know my Mum like talking to my friends would, so even though they’re kind and they tell you you’re doing well and to look after yourself, tell you you’re strong (which we all are, undoubtedly!) I’m still left feeling a little hollow afterwards. Give it a go, let me know what you think? 
I just can’t get over how common it is for our ‘‘friends’’ to desert us in our most time of need. I feel like being charitable- so I’ll say that I guess they’ve not experienced the crushing, soul wrenching, primal pain of losing their Mum. But you think they’d have the compassion or empathy to send a message? ‘‘How are you?’’ means a LOT, and takes seconds to send. Ho Hum.
@seychelles, I have taken your advice and have blocked the two friends who haven’t contacted me for six weeks. They were all over Facebook/ Instagram last night tagging ‘‘strong women’’ for International Women’s Day. Made me feel a bit sick to be honest. It hurts,
@Valda it made me smile reading about your Uncle, he sounds like a kind, fun man to spend some time with.
I have decided that I’m only going to devote my time to people who make me feel happy in my soul after speaking to them. Mum used to call them ‘‘people who make you feel like sunshine’’ which she always did. Yellow was her favourite colour, and she was Welsh, so St David’s Day (1st March) was hard - but at least I didn’t have her threatening to dress up as a Leek or Daffodil this year! haha.
How’re all you ladies doing today? and anyone else who reads this? - How are you?
@Carol9 How’re you doing today?
Hope today is a good one for us all xx
Banafell
I am okay today. I am going to see a physiotherapist this evening. I was supposed to go last Thursday but I made a mistake and went on Tuesday last week. When I found my mistake I had a bit of a meltdown. I had paid a fortune for a taxi and I know the mistake wouldn’t have happened had Paul been here and I found myself walking down the street sobbing. Luckily it was dark.
My son is taking me tonight. It really doesn’t take a lot to send me into a melt down.
I hope you and everyone else have as good a day as possible.
@Kate111 I missed your post! I’m so sorry I didn’t include you in my response, I’ve only just seen it now, as I was reading through the messages again.
Five months, before that would have seemed like a long time, but I know what you mean about the days being long and the time passing quickly. It’s been six weeks for me, and I’m proud of myself how I’ve functioned and got on with things.
It is without a doubt the most painful thing we have been through in our lives. Sending you a big hug. How’re you doing today? x
@Banafell I don’t know if it’s because mothers day is coming and there are constant reminders everywhere but it’s really difficult. I feel like hiding away till it’s all over. Not feeling as bad as yesterday which is good and I am just picturing my uncle yesterday when he rolled his eyes at my cousin, my mum always did that so makes me laugh. I’m busy at work so it’s keeping me going. I am just out for a walk and saw someone I know saying they were sorry to hear about her passing, I could have cried on the spot but kept it together until I was out of sight. Hope you are doing better today.
Sending hugs to everyone during this difficult time.
Valda
Tell them politely they have let you down. Do it or you could say indirectly “It’s funny how soon people stop asking or taking in interest” and see of they take a hint. I really think you should.
It’s awfully disappointing but the bottom line is that us humans can be so damn selfish and let’s hope they realise. You know you are in the right!
Thinking of you xx
I think they just don’t think. Like I said in another reply people can be really selfish and they just don’t know. Perhaps they aren’t as close as you were/are to your dear mother. This could be a factor. I have a friend who was kind while my mother was dying and after her passing but now it’s like nothing but she really doesn’t have the same relationship with her family and I am glad, so glad I am not her!
You are the better person. But say something or maybe hint. Gosh, grief is just AWFUL isn’t it?
Aww thanks, I’m not roo bad today but March is a difficult month with Mother’s Day and mum’s birthday coming up. The weather is changing and Spring was mum’s favourite season. All this adds to the grief. 5 months before mum passed seemed ages, but these past 5 months seem to have flown by. Time just gallops on.
Grief really is awful, not just emotionally but physically too. I feel so exhausted most days.
Hugs to all. Kate xx
Hi everyone
Hope you have all had a peaceful day.
I met my “friends “ today for lunch as arranged. Everyone nice and asking how I’m doing also asking after my mum. I was quite anxious before I met them as they all know exactly how I feel about their lack of support and apparent lack of interest in my well being @Sandranista
However we spent almost 3 hrs catching up and arranging dates for future days out. One of my friends has made me a glass coaster with a photo of our last holiday together before my dad deteriorated, she has already given to the others a while back.
Nobody directly apologised to me but I hope they continue to keep in touch as I’m no longer on our group chat. It actually felt good to laugh about some of our past antics. So I’m kinda glad I havnt blocked them tbh. Time will tell though.
I know most of you have lost your beloved mums in this group and can completely understand how hard it must be with Mother’s Day coming up. There is no hiding from it in the shops.
My mum has a lot of health problems but continues to fend for herself and declines our assistance mostly. She has curvature of the spine due to osteoporosis and has fractured ribs since dads funeral which won’t heal, has previous fractured ribs and spine but I visit at lunchtime each day and she is either washing windows, moving furniture, lifting heavy rugs to wash floors, changing curtains… never stops cleaning. Since dad died I live in fear that she won’t be far behind him 
and struggle to look at her sometimes because I see her getting frail. I get angry with her for overdoing it and shout at her, then feel like the worst person in the world. She does not understand my fear…
and “wants to keep her independence”
@Valda your uncle sounds like an absolute gentleman with a wee cheeky side 
@Banafell I love your mums sunshine view of people who brighten up your life. She sound like a happy and very cheery woman who looked on the bright side 
@Carol9 good luck with ur physio, it’s only just over 3 months since I lost dad. My emotions remain all over the place, I’m hoping time will help me to cope a bit better but remain pessamistic
@Kate111 sometimes it feels like yesterday and I relive dads illness from beginning to end. 11 short weeks, then other times it feels like forever since I saw him
Had I not found this forum I would think I was going crazy. Chatting to you all makes my emotions and pain feel almost normal and I feel part of an inclusive group who are all kind and supportive
Sending hugs
Lynne x
Hi Lynne and everyone!
I’m glad your lunch went well and that you are giving your friends the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe the lack of support was due to them not knowing what to say, feeling awkward etc. I can only think that this is the only logical answer as we are all experiencing the same. As you say time will tell.
I have to say that I’m dreading Mother’s day then mum’s birthday but knowing that we are all in the same boat here with our grief helps so much.
Virtual hugs to you all. Kate xxx
Hi @Kate111
I did enjoy their company but expected at least one of them to address my concerns. It would have been nice if they actually said “listen sorry Iv not been contacting you but” …. I know everyone has stuff going on but a wee gif to say I’m thinking of you doesn’t seem like too much.
Like I said time will tell 
I’m so glad for this forum & all the kind understanding people here. It’s been like a lifeline to me and will remain so for a long time I assume.
Take care everyone
Sending hugs 
@Lynne06 that’s good to hear that you had a good lunch and maybe it is that they don’t know what to say and hopefully as time goes by you will get the support needed and this is maybe the ice breaker.
Your mum sounds like mine there was no telling her and we used to butt heads (she has osteoporosis to and struggled with some things) but she would do it herself. I think it’s a generation thing and they are stubborn they also don’t want to let go of that indepenence and knowing that they can still do it on their own is what they are holding onto. My mum was medically retired at 74 she loved her job but it was too physical for her. Your mum probably knows but is sticking to her guns and maybe it’s her coping mechanism after losing your dad to.
Anyway ladies hope you will be ok today, it’s a day at a time.
Valda xx
Hi Valda
Yes I can relate your mum does sound very similar to mine. They never give in which I respect, but wish she wouldn’t do stretching/heavy lifting.
Managed to get in today before she broke her back trying to put the new bedding on the kingsize and even got the washing hung out for
My mood feels lighter since actually getting out of the house and meeting my friends. I just hope they continue to keep in touch
Hope everyone has a pleasant, peaceful weekend
Sending hugs x
Hi,
I completely feel your pain. I lost my mum 2 weeks ago very suddenly. My dad found her, phoned ambulance then me. I was 3 hours away. When I got there he had been sitting alone all that time as had not called my sister or any other family. I am completely heart broken and struggling to find my way through everything including caring for my disabled dad. Everyone keeps saying they wish the funeral was over whilst I feel the opposite, I don’t want it to come because when it does it’s final.
@Sharon06 so sorry for your loss its heartbreaking and after the funeral your right it’s final and even worse I think. My mum was sudden to and I found her and I miss her so much even with her stubborness but I would do anything to have that back because she was my mum, that was part of who she was and would do anything for us without even having to ask her. I have said to the others on this chat I don’t feel it’s getting easier. This group has been great for me and hopefully the same for you. Don’t put any pressure on yourself and take it a day at a time.
Valda 
@Valda thank you so much for your reply. I am always the strong one, the fixer so finding it very hard reaching out for support. I know I’m putting too much pressure on myself. I am trying to look after myself but I’m struggling to eat and sleep. Everything just seems to unfair and being so close to Mother’s Day is a kick in the teeth xx
@Sharon06 I think we are all the same eating and sleeping goes out of the window for weeks but try and keep your strength up. If it wasn’t for my son I probably would be an even worse mess than what I am now. Don’t take all of the burden on yourself you need to look after you to. Oh and mothers day I think we are all dreading it and the constant reminders are everywhere, I just said recently I want to hide away until its all over. Make sure you take time for yourself you can’t be the strong one all the time
Valda xx
Hi everyone
@Sharon06 so sorry for your loss. I too lost mum 5 months ago very suddenly. It’s still a shock now. Sudden death is always traumatic and the pain is still intense though you get used to not having mum around.
This forum has been a huge help to me. Hope it will be to you too. Lovely people all going through the same pain and we are all there for each other like a virtual shoulder to lean on.
Sending love and strength.xx
Your 3 amigos got me as this was me my mum and my daughter just the girls we would say!!!
Your doing amazing being back in work and the balance of working from home helped me as some days its overwhelming being with people and its easier to put on brave front every so often than every day.
Its easier said than done to take for your self whwn you have a little one and when your not sleeping it affects you more than you realise would you go to the doctors for medication or get signed off work everyone is different.
Remember take it day by day and just keep reminding yourself your mum and dad are back together xx
Hiya Banafell
Blocking is the new norm Good on you Well well done I am so proud of you
Deborah x