@Polarbear7966
I’m sure you do. I would like to chat, I think I need it, especially to someone who’s a bit further down the road…
I’m at week 36 today. It’s lonely even in a room full of people, but I find things to do. I’ve just got a flexible working job as an exam invigilator to make me go out of the house more as I gave up work last April to look after Rob and spend quality time doing things together, he passed much sooner than was expected. I’m only 61, so I can’t even claim my pension. I’ve found doing things out of my normal have helped me, I do hula hoop fitness, tai chi, and joined a local womens group where age and circumstances are all different. My children are there if I need them, but they have busy working lives and have my grandchildren to look after through the loss of their dad and grandad. Take baby steps and maybe try a new activity.
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@Deb5 yes he was so sweet and content. They stayed about an hour and a half or so . Things were fine between us , so I don’t understand what went wrong actually. Never mind hopefully a blip !
Yes I can’t stand being without Baz by my side . In 20 years we were together every day , apart from once when he went to look after his mum for 3 weeks. Other than this , we were together every day . I miss just being with him , even times when we did nothing together we’re never boring . I’m so lonely xxx
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@Punto
Hi, 1 year younger than me. No financial help either. I’ve got my 19-year-old at home still and 2 grandaughters from my daughter who died (long story), but they live with their father and are pretty stable. I’ve thought of volunteering but haven’t the heart to put into anything just yet. I’m still finding getting up in the morning is hard enough. Thank you for contacting me, that’s very good of you. So sorry for your loss too.
Yeh same as me. I did everything with my husband too … leaves a massive hole doesnt it ? The thing that bugs me though is if my husband had gone to drs earlier he would still be here … it wasnt incurable what he had … that goes around in my head alot atm … why didnt he go when i told him so many times to go and he just ignored me 
why did he leave me in this awful damn world alone i dont think he meant to but he was stubborn and wouldnt listen …
So pleased you got to see your grandson 
what they calling him ? Xx
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We are all here if you need to chat, cry or scream. Each one of us is dealing with loss and grief in different ways. I was lucky that we talked about my future alone during Robs last few weeks. I promised that I would be strong for the kids and do new thing’s to make new memories for my grandchildren who all talk about grandad to me. I’ve gone away on a 2 night break alone and have other holidays booked some with family and one as a solo traveller. My children have encouraged me to try and do things I wouldn’t have done as a couple to get me out of the house.
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@Punto
That’s good. We talked about my being here without him. We had so much planned and I know he wanted me to be happy. I need the time to make the adjustments to being no longer a couple. I’m determined I’m not going to waste anymore of my life to depression. None of us know how long our journey is going to be but we owe it to our loved ones to try to carry on, still sad at times but able to continue for the ones around us. I’ve taken a lot of positives from the few posts I’ve read and am humbled by the care and sympathy people have shown, while going through their own struggles.
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I never wanted the discussion about what would happen it chocked me up when my partner mentioned it… he somehow knew he would go before me due to his crohns and kidney disease… but I didn’t want to think about it! I just thought he would get old and I would care for him… not die in his sleep with no goodbyes some days I try to push through and be positive but it ain’t easy… today is the first day I’ve sat in the garden which we both loved… and I’m crying a lot I hate this big empty space that we used to share… I used to love my garden but like everything else it brings up our happy times… we had such a deep love and understanding of each other that I’m so alone without that… I hear what everyone’s saying times a healer they would want you to move on and be happy… but how can any of us be truly happy without our soul mates 
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I’m not in depression just a strong longing for my partner to be here in the now with me…I know he’s gone I guess we all deal with this awful grief differently…
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@Deb5 yes my partner was the same he wouldn’t go to the doctors either. He didn’t tell me he felt ill so I don’t know if it could have been prevented or not . It’s so sad x
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Aw … really why did they do that ? I dont understand it. But we were post covid too and lot of people were discouraged from going to the drs too … if you remember during covid xx
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@Deb5 @Vixen
I know Mabe it’s a man thing my partner didn’t feel good a few
Days before but had started new medication I wish he had gone to see a
Dr he might of had a stent fitted and been here now
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Yeh i heard its a man thing too but its so sad to think they couldve been treated and yet they left it too late xx
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I dind it hard everyday to wake up if im honest ingo to bed hoping that i dont because i find days are very long now and im finding it very hard
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@Deb5 hi there yes I see a lot of us on here talking about the what ifs ? I suppose I’ve always questioned why Baz’ heart issues were never picked up , but he had no symptoms whatsoever. He was taking his meds for high bp and this was under control. I hate life without him .
Oh yea , having a baby in the family just gives us a bit of joy doesn’t it . They’ve called him Isaac William and he’s adorable 
he’s tiny though , unlike his dad who was rather large as a baby !!! xxx
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Is he only small - how much does he weigh? My grandson was a good weight at 8lb but they look so tiny dont they ? You forget how tiny they are? And isnt that funny : my grandson gonna be called - william arthur roy … roy was my husbands name had to put that in ofcourse 
my daughter adored her dad … she was a real daddys girl … xx
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@Deb5 well Isaac was 7lb 8oz so not tiny I suppose but he feels as light as a feather . That’s lovely that your daughter is including her dad’s name too .
William is so popular these days isn’t it - I think the traditional names are coming back round .
The last time I held a newborn was my nephews ! That was a long time ago too - I don’t know anyone who has a baby ! Well until Isaac . Dan , my son was 9lb 4 so definitely a lot bigger !!!
Yes a little bit of joy in our sad lives hey .
Take care xxx
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No hes not small really is he ? All mine were in the 8 lb mark. Is William popular ? Didnt know that but yeh all the old names are coming back xx
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@Deb5 he feels tiny !! He’s average weight though . He’s so cute though .
Yea , William is really popular these days ! Dan is already thinking ahead to calling Isaac iggy !! I love Isaac so I’ll call him that !
xxx
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Yeh it is average weight but youre right they seem very tiny and i suppose they are really … i loke isaac too … biblical name i named my son Joel … love that name but not seen the little sod for ages … hes so under his wifes thumb ! But we wont go there … hope you get to see your grandson again soon xx
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