I did go and meet my friend it was nice to see her . I have a pain in my collar bone , big weird
Im glad teddy . Just to get putside helps .i have osteoarthritis all my pain is worse we have all had terrible trauma . I have a flu like bug .at moment feel so down . Big hugs zoe xx
Hello all. I decided today to do a load of laundry before the price hike. I Found a black jumper of jonnie,'s the one he had worn to aid funeral and to make matters worse a pair of aids Leviās. I thought they had all been put away. I Totally lost control and I sobbed for hours
It was worse than anything I have experienced since the boys died. I am shocked with the rawness of of it all I felt so much pain and panic and kept crying that I wanted them back now or I would die. I know it must have been bubbling away inside. I am so scared that I will have to go through this agony
IT is too much to loose my two sweet boys
.a terrible terrible day .sorry
Hi jenna .just go with it darling grief is a roller coaster of emotions. Good bad days .ups and downs you have lost so much sending big hugs always here zoe xx
Hi Jenna There is no wonder you felt so raw emotionally. I feel for you to lose 2 lovely boys is heartbreaking.Never apologise for the way you feel.cry cry and cry again.I wish I could give you a big hug.xxx
Hi kath you need a big hug to lovely lady 
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Hi ladies , Jenna so sorry your day was hard !! I honestly canāt imagine your pain to loose two children . Itās just so hard and unbelievable. I have not been well literally slep all day yesterday just trying to block all my thoughts and emotions out . Donāt know if itās the right or wrong thing to do but itās my way of dealing with things . Xx love and big hugs to all you lovely ladies xxxx
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Hi teddy im poorly too .hours run in to days then weeks nothing seems real x
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So true Zoe , I just feel like Iām stuck in a massive puddle of mud and canāt move . Just bloody so lost
Iām going to Ireland on Wednesday to see my parents so maybe a little break will help
How do we go on ??? Xxxx
Yes will do you good to see family . I know it seems impossible . Your waiting for them to come through the door but there not coming . In april it will be a year ot dont seem possible a big blur . Its just so wrong our children not ment to go before us. I hope your trip does you a bit of good you need to take care of yourself. Easy to say . Ive put on a stone i just binge comfort eat . Do you live in london teddy xx
Yes I do live in London , have done all my life really . Parents moved back to Ireland about 28 yrs so I often spend time in Ireland . Xxx
Good morning Ladies.Zoe I know what you mean about comfort eating I have eaten my body weight in chocolate.Funny thing I have never been a emotional eater I usually lose my appetite.Teddy a few days away will do you some good change of scenery.I suppose when we accept they are not coming home then the healing begins whatever that is.Our lives will never be the same again and eventually we will live a new normal.
Yes hopefully it will tbh just canāt be bothered with nothing and feel Iām going to have to force myself to get on plane . Feeling very low this morning trying to hold in tears xxx
Wow my emotions are high this morning , fuck this life , seriously whatās the point
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To loose someone you live with your all is too hard
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Iām feeling crap this morning. I had a day that wasnāt as bad yesterday but today is full on pain. Nothing seems to go right in my life and thereās a gaping hole in my heart. Iām finding it hard to eat anything at all and Iām super anxious and nothing like the person I was before all this happened. It probably will do you good to get away and get some taking care of. Once you are there I hope it helps. X
Oh I donāt know , people just seem to be getting on with their lives and I just feel fucked . Putting in that brave face when your dying inside . Hard
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I k ow this sounds terrible but I just donāt want to talk to anyone today phone keeps ringing how are you , you ok your doing so well this is what I listen to on a daily basis and you know what today I donāt want to be listening to total crap xx
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