Thank you all for your very supportive posts, they always help and I am grateful. It is a very complicated thing, grieving for two and it has drained me mentally and physically. I thought I would go mad the other day as I heard myself trying to create a plan whereby I allocated different times for the boys - grieving time that is . How mad was I it made me realise that you cannot control the process and that this first year is messy painful and unpredictable and that trying to control it was making me feel Iāll. Having lost 2 sons makes it very confusing and my Gp said that I Would need to have further counselling . The book I mentioned has been useful .There is a chapter in there where she asks you to keep a note of the things you are doing on a daily basis and then ask yourself if it made you feel worse and choose to let it go.The same goes with people u meet and places you go and rate them similarly. This is aimed at early and first year of bereavement I think. IT is aimed at things u can change as obviously a work environment will not fit but some things could me made easier I expect. Anyway I have stopped watching the war pieces on the TV and have stated listening to some Radio4extra plays. Also listen to Bbc6 Music that Iād always enjoyed but stopped listening too .It is so very hard to believe itās all true I battle with this a lot. Thanks wise womenxx
Hi Jenna , hope Iām not sounding condescending but as a lot of people say itās the early stages and by god this is horrendous and you do think what is the point . Iām in Ireland with my parents who lost my brother he was only 23 . And they are still here just think I got how are they even standing but I suppose people do get through this awful loss how I do not know . Big hugs to all xxxx think everyone deals with things differently .xxxxxx
Hi all just struggling .just reliving all sams days this time last year its just wicked watching go down hill every day .its so wrong .my daughter is 30 on the 20th shes having a party .and sam passed on the 27th .my mums birthday .and my daughter jess little girl would have been 5 on the 30 th she died a couple hours of being born . Im sick of this struggle this pain this longing its wicked i just want to hug my beautiful boy sam . 24 years old i want to scream x xx sorry feel so bloody angry love to all zoe x
Hi Ladies. Zoe itās just so awful with all thes milestones coming up.I am sure your lovely Sam will be watching over you all.Jenna you too with the loss of 2 children its a real struggle for you.I have been writing things down for quite a while now.And yesterday I had a melt down all over a photo of my daughters.It was missing out of the photo album and I wanted to put it in a frame.My husband couldnāt even remember which it was.It was a school photo she had lovely curly hair which she hated.So I decided to write to her and tell her I had lost it.I opened my journal and there it was.I was so happy you would have thought sheād come through the door .canāt remember putting there.Teddy do enjoy your time in Ireland.Warm hugs to each one of you.
Omg reading these posts today is so hard , we are all struggling in our own way . Yes all the milestones are challenging to say the least . Big hugs and lots of love xxxw What the hell is this life all about because I do t know nothing no more xxxxx
Thank you ladys for kind words i dont know what its all about either its changed us all forever xx
So true , canāt be anything worse in the world that can happen to a parent xxxx
Hello all thanks for posts.It is a bad time for everyone isiānt it. Cannot really pretty it upWe can only do what we do every day and that is all one can say.Love to you all xxxxx.
Jenna - it is so sad and so final when anyone loses anyone, but you have had loss upon loss. You are deeply wounded. The depth of your grief reflects the depth of your love for them. It must feel unendurable and you deserve to be wrapped in love. It is not anybodys fault. Itās a heart ripping tragedy. Like you, I am trying to take it a day at a time. Even an hour at a time. Thatās good enough right now. You are doing really well, though it doesnāt feel like it. Itās a tall order but you are suffering awful grief and trauma, none of it your fault and carrying such a heavy load. Iām glad you are sharing on here, I wish you some peace today and going forward. Even a few moments of thinking of your own welfare is something, a beginning.
We canāt change the past, if we could there would be a stampede on this site! Iām not making light of it, itās nothing short of excruciating what you are going through. It would have been my daughters birthday yesterday. My grandkids are behaving in disturbed ways and the family is broken and not communicating. Itās all so sad and it feels that itās so wrong that they lost their mum in so tragic a way. I feel powerless, in fact I am powerless. I am trying to remember that itās really raw still and I hope for you, and for me and everyone on here, that somehow we find some sort of acceptance of what we canāt control or change. Itās the hardest pain of my life, just when Iām at my most vulnerable and itās so painful. Itās hard to believe the world can keep turning. You are wounded very badly but you are getting by, day by day. You are experiencing two terrible losses. There arenāt words but your love shines through. If you can get through today and yesterday it shows you still have some strength. It sounds laughable to say that you should be kind to yourself when itās all so awful and painful. Iām sending you my thoughts and kindness and respect for your journey. May you have some moments of peace. Which you so richly deserve. X
Hi everyone,
I have lost my faith since my son passed away. I am not sure if itās the right thing to do.How can God take a son away from a mother? after praying a lot.
I am very confused and sad
Ghaz xxx
Hi Ghaz itās such awful pain and something you never prepare for to lose a child. I am not sure I am qualified to advice on any faith .But being confused and sad is something most of us feel after losing a loved one. Keep posting Warm regards.
Hi ladies , Iām back from Ireland and to be honest it was nice to spend some time with my parents . I took one of my grandsons who is two he kept me on my toes , my daughter was also there with my three grandsons . Now Iām home and feeling extremely sad xxxx
Hi Nell - your post said it all .It is
o eloquent, empathetic and full of love , That you can show concern on that level whilst in the early stages of grief is beyond me. I hope that the girls are doing ok it must be very hard for all if you . What I find most painful is the sheer loss of the love they gave me too, such a great big empty space left behind . So so sorry for your loss too. Sending ,a bit of everything that you need right now xxxx
Hi ladies and Ghaz , I am a catholic and I feel exactly the same how can you take our babyās away xxx I know I have said it so many times but this life is so cruel . Xxx big hugs to all . Hope your day was a bit more peaceful
Today Jenna xxxx
Hello all - Glad you enjoyed your break in Ireland .I have only been to the south where the dolphins are cant remember what itās called I have been feeling pretty low and very empty , but I seem to be pining for the boys and my heart area actually hurts .Has anyone felt worse after counselling , first two sessions fine last two sessions feel awful the day after.love to u allxx
Hey Jenna , Iād imagine the counselling would be difficult as your offloading band opening up and getting all the mixed emotions of your chest . And that is extremely difficult when things are so raw and the fact you have had to grief for two sons is absolutely devastating . How bloody hard is that . Big hugs xxx
Iām having a shit day . My cousin popped up and we had a good old cry xxx feeling anxious as I have a meeting in work tomorrow . The thought of walking through them doors is frightening the life out off me . Xxx
Hi Teddy its such early days dont force yourself to go back ā¦jenna i have done three counselling sessions i just dont want to do it its so sad so oh i dont know i rather come on here . Im not very good my daughter is having 30th party saturday its so sad sam should be here sending you hugs x
So sorry Zoe - Sam was the centre of the family as you have described this so lovingly in your posts , He will be there at the party firmly tucked inside your hearts love to you all
Hi Teddy thanks for post it helped. I think it will be good for you to go to the meeting as at least you will get a feel of things and your employer will be able to see how u are.Are they offering a phased return for you? I guess it depends on what kind of work you do and lots of other things I would not be aware of . At least you will get some clarity as to whether u ready to return. Good luck and try not to worry xxxxx