Teddy2
I’m inspired to send hope as it was sent to me. Honestly without this site I’d have drowned in my grief.
Meditation and the kind support I’ve received here has been my saviour.
My God…we’d all give anything not to be here wouldn’t we……yet we’ve found the best of humanity through the worst possible pain and loss.
Sending love to you.
Purple x
Hi purple you always make me smile .your words are always comforting. Sending lots of love to you .and a big thank you .
Ladys the thing about grief is we all deal with it in our different ways .and its very hard to unite as a family .my partner wont talk about sam .when he got ill he wouldnt accept we was going to loose him .i had to deal with it all hospital meds macmillian.caring for sam .i wouldnt have it any other way but it hurts .im vocal want to talk about him love photos we all different and theres no rule book .you just deal with it the best you can .
Teddy i started councilling it wasnt for me .but again we all different.this site has saved me .i would be lost without it .
Kath it must be so hard because its true u have to keep it together for your grandson .its mad i try hold it together but at night when im alone it comes pouring out x
Such wise and amazing words from all the lovely ladies xxx
Hi Suedav- will be thinking of you today - sending lovexx
Thank you,
I’m being picked up in half an hour. Oh…how I wish this day wasn’t happening…
Hi all - read all the posts just a while ago and it triggered lots of memories for me. Zoe - looking at Sam reminded me of my brother who died when he was 25 and I was 17. It was sad he had all these symptoms but was never diagnosed or treated . He had a brain tumour but they said he had migraine, abscesses,by the time he could hardly talk or walk it was too late.
My jonathon - he was here and a few days later he was gone My Aid was here one minute and gone the next. Life can be very cruel. It’s funny how one death triggers memories of others . I have even been thinking of my aunt who died a few days after giving birth, I was only about ten but I remember thinking how can she be gone and my mum there holding her baby. Sorry all a bit depressing but think probably quite okay. Kath I retired at 60 and 65 now. I found it hard in the beginning as I thought ’ why the hell am I still here and they are gone. I will end post I do not know where my head is today to be sure. L ove to a- sorry it’s a bit me, me, I am thinking about what you have all said in your posts xxx
Suedav - still sending love to you and your beloved child todayxxxxx
Jennayour so right how one deathtriggers memories of another.I was 17 when my dad died he was 58. But the saddest part for me I thought he had a good long life. As I got older I realised its not true.I come from a family of 7 seven and I am the youngest.All my siblings have passed on but it’s the general order of things.My mum went after my dad she was 95 .Your grief is more intense for your babies.I wish all you lovely ladies peace moving forward.
This life dont make sense snatches of happy .its just cruel how life takes the people we love most in the world .whats it all about sam had open heart surgery at birth he survived that but was taken anyway … …i am 60. in 2017 i had breast cancer and i never really went back to work. The same year jess lost a baby she came to early .jess called her Elsie she lived for two hours .she would be 5 on the 30th. lifes hard and very wicked .sorry rambling ladys .i just want to scream .its all wrong .jemma you have such a lot of grief to cope with its so not right.
Sue ive been thinking of you. Theres no words sending you a big hug .
Im layinging in bed listening to a bird sing crazy .i feel flu like today poorly again think its the stress .i try to be brave but its so very hard sending you lots love xx 
Hello ,
We had Andrew’s funeral yesterday and somehow I got through the afternoon. You go into a kind of autopilot I think. I knew alot of the heating and gas fitters that Andrew worked with over the last 20 years planned to do a “drive by” for him. It was amazing, at least 40 Van’s with flags bearing his and his dogs picture all followed the hearse to the crematorium. We were in tears watching them all arrive.
The service was lovely…as lovely as it can be when you’re saying goodbye to your son of 38, your baby.
So many people…the crematorium was packed and maybe a hundred standing outside. The sky was blue the sun shone for him for which I was so happy.
Now I’m awake…another day of feeling sick with sadness. How I wish he could have been there with us all to see how loved he was
How sad ladies , reading these posts just brings you to pure sadness . Totally agree grief triggers of so many emotions and it isn’t easy I think to myself what the hell !! How can this be happening as it is so unbearable !! Waking up every morning with such a heavy heart having to face the day is so, so difficult . The way I look at is i put my armour on and go to war . SueDav I honestly agree with you , how do you get through that day but somehow you do ! The sad thing we all have been through the same experience and all have this common ground . Big hugs to all you lovely ladies xxxx
Suedav- the funeral sounds glorious and must be of comfort to you today. I think I
I was in shock the day after so be very kind to yourself today ,we are here for youxx
It is so sad to lose a child you brought into the world. The funeral showed how much he was loved, and you loved him with all your heart. That won’t change. If you can today be kind to yourself, sending you hugs and thinking of you x
Zoe - pictures are lovely as usual . Actually I have to say that you look a very youthful 60. I think you got it right- being able to Express your pain so openly and get on and through family celebrations and making them all special. I am still hiding away to be honest- 7 months now since first bereavement . Teddy - I like your description re- ‘putting on your armour’ I feel as if I could do with a bit of that frame of mind. I feel more like a wounded soldier that has had his breastplate removed .explain to me Teddy. Feel like I need some next step advice . love to all on here jxxxxxx
Dear SueDav
The funeral is so tough…you’ve done it, got through it and everyone was able to show their love for your son.
He will always be loved and will always love you too.
Keeping the love in your heart will give you the strength to continue through life.
Sending you love and a hug
Purple
Dear SueDav You probably got through one of the worst days of your life.Hold on to the thought he was and will be forever loved by so many.Be kind to yourself.
Hi sue .its the hardest thing ever . Your so busy with the funeral .but now you will have so much time .baby steps remember …
Teddy jemma.nell .kath i have that strengh most of the time but we are only human .and some days are like the first . I miss sam so much night times we used to muck about and chat for hours …
Jenna theres no steps just yours we all so different .no one can compare .its raw it painful .
Sam didnt have a big send of because of covid .which was very sad you had to choose so wrong
Thankyou jemma for the compliment my bones are awful i haVe osteoarthritis and terrible pain that gets me down but that’s nothing eh … .
We want our babys people think shes alright its nearly a year im broken but sam would be so sad to think i was so sad .have a day in the sunshine if only for awhile .it gives me peace . While i potter my love to all i think these heavy hearts we have yo carry this is a new norm .but we must make our children proud big hugs zoe xxx
So true definitely the worst day off your life !! And lovely advice and support from all the ladies . You know what Jenna not sounding like a victim but my life since I got married has been extremely hard . So I feel I have always had to be in survival mode . I was 21 and had three babies to look after my husband walked out in me and my youngest was only three months old !! So survival was my main priority so my way of coping is putting on my armour for protection ( I think ) xxxxx
Thank you all for your kind words. Yes…it was such a lovely tribute to Andrew that so many people came to say goodbye. I was so worried that something would go wrong and just on cue…it did. His Christian names Andrew Robert came up on the screen as Andrew Peter. I just couldn’t believe it but I think now it was Andrews little joke as one of his best mates is called Peter. Peter had changed his profile photo to one of Andrew since we lost him and they were very good mates. So I think it was Andrew having a laugh with us all.
When I first told Andrews dad there were going to be 40 vans following the hearse he messaged me back "40 vans and lots of faces…but in the middle and at the end of all the crying faces there were 2 
faces. Barry texted and said “I didn’t put those faces in!!”…no…I said…that must be Andrew laughing at the thought of a convoy of vans following behind him.
I’d like to think he’s still here…laughing 
xxxx
I really believe that i have had things happen it just has to be sam x