People are so annoying at times they think they know best , sick of people telling me you will be alright , it well get easier . What the hell little do they know . Being around normality is so difficult and they just do t have a clue how I’m feeling . I’m literally dying inside . Xxx
Teddy are you still cleaning?If not is it possible to work from home.At least you will be in a safe place and it might give you something to focus on .Without the added stress of being around people you don’t particularly want to have a conversation with.xxx
This life so hard x
Hi everyone,
That’s so shitty for you Teddy. As if life isn’t hard enough at the moment.
I still have to work too…67 in 3 days but my mortgage finishes when I’m 74!
Luckily my company ( one of the big supermarkets) are being very understanding and not pushing me to go back. I’m also lucky that my partner works there too and at the moment he’s off work too.
No…I didn’t kick him out. It think he finally understood what I was going through and that I just need him to hold me when I scream and sob…not back away as if I’m a mad person.
I had a horrible dream last night. Dreamt I was telling someone my brother had died ( I don’t actually have a brother) but I couldn’t remember his name. Someone suggested something and I said no, I think it was Robert. Then I said…NO…it’s Andrew…it’s my son Andrew whose died!!!
Then I woke up but it was still true 
.
I used to often sit and tell Andrew my dreams…and nightmares…we’d laugh together about them. How I wish he was here to laugh with me about this one 
…Sue xxxx
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Dear Sue
Do hope it’s going to be ok with your partner. The last thing you need is more aggro. Hope he can give you the support you need.
Love and hugs 🫂 Ann
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Glad your work is being ok sue ! I’m really struggling today haven’t stopped crying and feel under so much pressure with life and my situation. What to do I don’t know ! Just want to be left alone in my own little world . If only it was as easy as that . Omg this is soo hard . I actually think I’m starting to get panic attacks but I’m not surprised this is happening . Hey we are all only human . Big hugs to all xxxx
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No Kath I am a lab assistant xxxx
Love and hugs to you too Teddy…and to everyone on this site.xxxxxxx
It’s so sad that I always loved being off work as I work nights…so nights off meant I was here if Andrew wanted to pop round in the evening.
Now I have all this time off and he’s not here. Someone gave me a euromillions ticket yesterday…sent in a birthday card…and I prayed I wouldn’t win. What would I want with lots of money…I always used to think if I won I could pay off Andrew’s mortgage and we could all enjoy lives of freedom…no work. Now nothing at all means anything.
Sorry…I’m having a weepy day too…extra sad as it’s such a beautiful day and he should be here…they should ALL be here to enjoy it! xxxxx
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I feel your pain sue , it’s just so depressing even trying to put one foot in front off the other xxxxx Good you talk about Andrew I can’t really talk about Daniel xxxxx maybe one day I will . I do know I miss him every second of the day and I’m lost without him xxxx
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Sorry Teddy about the pressures you are under. I understand a bit. L ike you I was on my own with my babies and my family in Wales who were small minded,religious and strict, punished me for marrying an Englishman (yes)
They said I’d made my bed so I could lie on it so they refused to see me for 3 years. I know that feeling of having to carry the load by myself. It makes you feel vulnerable but you have to be strong in the world because your babies need you too. I was on my own for a long time- had a partner who died years ago.But even then I worked for the kids, and bloody worried all the time about .money. It hurts. It feels as if the world is on your shoulders. Being on your own when a child dies is very very hard, because as you say you still have to worry about all the other things too. I cannot dish out platitudes cos I know there aren’t any to give. I sense that you are tired and overwhelmed by grief and still having to worry about everything else too. I send you love and solidarity. XxxJ
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Thank you Jenna you most definitely got it right , yep that’s me in a nutshell . My kids dad is a utter waste of space and as I said it’s always been me and the kids . Never no financial support so you do what you have to for your children . Tbh I just honestly don’t know what to do part of me is saying did it the other is worrying about surviving . But you know what I’m not well and I know that and not mentally physically able for all this added stress . So maybe I would be better of just getting signed off from work for another little while until I feel ready . I honestly think I went back too soon as I never went out for months then I have put myself in a work environment.
Do that Teddy- take some of the strain off. Y ou have a skilled job, you work for the Institute they should be compassionate. Make a good friend of your doctor and accept any support that you can for you and your loss of Daniel. Take care today - be kind to you x
Hi Teddy - I think you are going through an awful lot. If you can stay sick for the time being you at least don’t have to force yourself to go there. Most GPs would be supportive too to give you the certificates so you can give yourself the time you need. I hope you find both work and your doctor sympathetic. Don’t be hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can and you are trying to work through treacle just to get through the day. Hugs xx
Teddy, do you have a good doctor? You need one who will really support you and understand what YOU need right now. Work is not what you can cope with yet.
Love, Ann 
Jenna, I can’t understand how so many religious people are so unchristian. Whether you believe or not, that’s not what Jesus was about, but they are supposed to believe. Love your neighbour, so how much more love your family!
(My late husband used to say, the problem with Christianity is it has never been tried. Meaning not lip service, not organised religion, but a so called Christian country living by the REAL principles.)
Sorry, sermon over!
Ann
Teddy do take the advice of the other Ladies on here and seek the advice of a doctor.You need to be mentally and physically fit .It’s not constructive for you to be in work .I know it must be a worry if you have financial dependants but your health is more important.Do seek advice about extra benefits you may be entitled to .Big Hugs.
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Hi Anne - good sermon I understand what you are saying. My adult siblings left it all behind and took on very right wing values. My sister once said that all benefits should be cut and just to open a few more soup kitchens .Its sad really but we have never had much in common and I am used to it all . Funny thing is that they seem to get some kind of weird enjoyment about the suffering of others - they were almost unaffected by me loosing my boys but I knew hwhat to expect.It is as it is as they say. My friends are my family and I always choose carefully . L ove to you xx
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Hi Jenna
Good that you’ve moved on and don’t need people like that, but it is sad as you say.
We all know about the horrible stuff that happens in life, so why add to it?
Love and hugs 🫂
Ann
Thank you so much ladies I’m going to take your advice and speak to a GP on Tuesday . I woke up yesterday morning shaking , panic attack I think stress caused from me going into work . Xxxx
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