Hi ladys back from dorset . Just expe ct sam to be home just shit . Hope your coping silly question really .thinking of you all .my little grandaughter 4 today she said sam can see my badge and my toys .its all so awful big hugs xxx love zoe xx
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Hi racy the same thing happened to me in the hospital young tall and handsome .i told him my sam had passed and he was so like him .he gave me a big hug xxx
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Hi jenna hope your ok big hugs lzoe xx
I have just come back from having a few days away.This morning I feel really low and tearful I think its because its my Louise birthday on Thursday 26th first one.Dont know how I feel about or whether to do anything to commemorate it.
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Everyday is just torture , I literally woke up this morning feeling so heavy this pain is so hard to carry . Just gets harder and harder .
Xxxxx
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Just so bloody cruel
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I feel the same Teddyā¦every day. I canāt imagine ever learning to live with this pain. XXX
God I just donāt know !! Just living a nightmare every day . I tell you what I wasnāt able to go to war today .xxxxx
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Did you ever get work sorted out Teddy? xxx
Ahhh, that is beautiful 
I know i always say it .but you ladys on hereā¦its so new so raw .im surprised you know what day it is .and your allowed to be however you want to be . Your brilliant to get up in the mornings .please dont beat your selfs up . Its the worst thing ever .and theres no right way to deal with this awful situation .no child should go before there parents x
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Thank you Zoe,
It hasnāt been that long for you either though has it? Do you feel able to cope with the pain easier now after a year?
You always sound so strong in your postsā¦Iām not sure Iām ever going to be strong. Our boys should still be here with us. I wake up every morning with such a feeling of dread and despair. Itās just knowing that thereās no way to fix thisā¦nothing ā¦for the rest of my life.
I wish I could feel Andrew is still near me the way you feel about Samā¦maybe I will in time. I hope so.
Sue xxx
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Hi darling
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Hi all I lost my only child Amy 36 in October 21 I struggle more each day, having really bad anxiety and panic attacks, finally got into see my doctor he wants to put me on antidepressants, am not sure as never taken them before as anyone else gone this route please sending big hugs to you all xx
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I think some of you have had some very hard things to deal with, like you Sue having to deal with Andrewās home and belongings. My Kath lived with Michael, itās his home too, so I havenāt had to do anything like that which I know would devastate me. I havenāt even been back to their shared home, even the thought of going where she should be makes me cry.
So sadly no, thereās no way to fix this. But people say what you canāt change you do eventually come to accept. I hope so. But I also often feel Kath very close to me, and I have a special photo where sheās smiling, almost looks as though sheās laughing at me, and I always say goodnight and good morning to her and talk to her other times in the day. Iām sure sheās there, and I hope you will feel Andrew in the same way.
Much love, Ann
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Hello Sue, I have no experience of medication, but I hope someone on here will be able to help you. But keep posting, we are all here to support you with love and virtual hugs.
Ann xx
I lost my daughter tragically in January. At first I was a total mess, I couldnāt eat or sleep or cope with anything really. I was crying practically non stop and saw no point in anything. My GP gave me anti depressants which he said would start working in a few weeks. It took a few months but I can now sleep and make myself eat. My daughter had suffered with her mental health most of her life and I used to say to her āif you broke your leg you wouldnāt think it was wrong to take painkillers, itās the same with anti depressants if they help, take themā. They have certainly calmed me down and helped me sleep. They gave me a space to begin, just begin, to come to terms. They arenāt a cure all, but simply getting some sleep and not being super anxious every waking moment helps me. They are not for everyone and itās an individual choice, but worth considering, particularly for anxiety and depression, caused by grief. Worth discussing it with your GP. I felt like I didnāt want to do anything at all and the world was a frightening place. I was also very angry and nowhere to go with the anger. I donāt feel they are masking the grief but they give me a space to grieve and see my grandkids without falling apart in front of them. Iām now better able to support them which is a definite plus. I still get lots and lots of bad days but being able to sleep at night has given me some strength to cope with the days. Sending you all kind thoughts as you go through your grief journey. X
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Thank you for your reply think I might try them as itās a struggle just get out off bed xx
Hi sue .i dont know if im strong really .i crumble alot and alot at this time of night .me and sam used to sit laughing and talking in the evenings .i talk out loud i sob i like looking at photos of sam .if im honest no i feel it gets harder because in the beginning your in this state of shock .nothing seems real and has the months go on you reliaze there really not coming back .theres so many dates .its shit . Birthdays day they passed .sams funeral was along time because of covid it was 25 th may another date .he was a month in the chapel i saw him everyday gave me great comfort .
I know i have to try for my daughter jess .and my grandchildren when sam was diagnosed last jan with sarcoma .he lasted less than four months the shock and the sadness was awful he was so very brave .so i have to be brave for him . During that time jess found a tumor in her sinus and jaw bone very rare turned out benign but she had to have major surgery two days after sams funeral shes doing well . I think is there a god for last few years been awful i had breast cancer .jess lost a baby. I lost my mum then they took my beautiful boy .is there a god .sorry im on a rant . Im sure we all learn to live with it in our own way .a gaping void .its so wrong .sorry much love zoe xxx
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Sue 246
Hi dont feel bad if something helps it has to be a bonus i take antidepressants. And i had sleeping tablets for a good few months they used to make me sleep well . Anything that can help is a must .no shame much love zoe xxx
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