Yes I’m not really a person who takes tablets was quiet a positive happy go lucky person . Now I’m just so lost and depressed needed something to help . Think it was sue who said she just doesn’t want to go out even going shopping is so difficult . If I go out I have to plan my route so I don’t bump into anyone that knows me just can’t face people .I find dealing with anxiety so hard because it is so physical xxxx but I think it just gets harder xxxxx
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Me too Teddy.
I’m naturally a very positive person. Always a glass half full…not half empty…sort of person. So I’m finding this “new me” difficult to live with. I’m just so unhappy, everything seems pointless.
I sit in the garden,I try to enjoy watching all the baby bluetits being fed by their parents. I feed the hedgehogs every night and try to be happy that I can hear them snuffling in the bushes. I eat my meals, watch endless mindless programmes on tv but my mind is always elsewhere…with Andrew. And yet he wasn’t here every minute of the day so why can’t I do anything normal.
This grief is just so totally mind and body consuming isn’t it??
I still haven’t been shopping…my partner is out getting more food as I write this. He has been a great help since that initial “blip” .
I hope coming back to chat with us all will help you a bit Teddy.
Love and hugs Sue xxxx
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Sue and Teddy i get the pointless bit .every thing a massive effort coz all you want is your boys . I will say you have to learn this horrible new way .i used to avoid everyone then i would get angry want to shout out do you know ive lost my son .i still feel angry but silly things are irrelevant. I was always shy .never stood up for myself but loosing sam has changed me . Sam was so brave .i have to try for him . Still such early days for you .though i have blips i can function a bit better .give your selve time you need to grieve your pretty amazing big hugs zoe xx
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Hi Sue
So glad you got through that blip, you need all the support you can get.
At first I felt like Kath was at home across town and I’d see her soon, but no hurry as we’d always been laid back in our socialising, meeting up but no regular rituals.
But not now, now I do want to see her, just bump into her in town, get a coffee in MandS, catch sight of her in the distance - as I still do, and am shocked when I remember it can’t be her. I see others who look like her, small, dark, long hair, usually in black.
So I’m on the mindless tv too, tho I can face supermarket shopping.
I like one thing you said, about the hedgehogs. We sadly haven’t had them for years now, and I do
get some comfort from the natural world.
Much love, to you and all,
Ann xxx
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Hello - Teddy glad you posted today. Hopefully the medication will soon kick in and start working for you. You need some respite from the awful anxiety and hope that in time you can sleep a little easier. I benefit a lot through reading all these posts. I just feel as if I have nothing of value to say. Nine months and 6 months later I am just feeling their loss more acutely, there is no way that I am anywhere near accepting that they are gone.Everytime I think about it I feel as if I will loose control and go mad. I can feel a scream lying low in my gut. I watch a lot of strange TV and often through the night.I think the fact that I retired early is not such a great thing at the moment.I have one grandchild who is 13 going on 30 who is very busy with activities and sleepovers. Bless him, he lost his dad and then his uncle so we have all been sensitive to how he is doing. Problem is that I do not have to do anything there are no deadlines or commitments. I think the energy I have I use to talk with my son about the boys, we are struggling at the moment as we both seem to feel the same. Teddy - I have only just started to wish it was all a big mistake. Funny thing is I feel worse now than I did 2 months ago. I have been thinking about downsizing but advised to wait at least a year before making a decision. Sorry no positive s from me again I do appreciate you all and have started to get a picture of your lovely children from your posts xxx
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You hit the nail on the head being so unhappy all the time is extremely hard having no energy to do the things you used to do on a daily basis is now like climbing Mount Everest . Going to war everyday is hard xxxxx
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Dear Jenna
You were missed! You don’t have to be positive, just be here and let us know how you are doing from time to time.
I think we are all learning that this is a bumpy, twisty road, we don’t want to be on it and have no idea where we are going. We are struggling on, and your struggle is doubly hard.
Love 
and hugs 🫂
Ann xxx
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Hi Teddy and jenna thinking of you both sending you love hope your not being to hard on yourselfs sendingbig hugs xx
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Hi Teddy and Jenna from me too. I’ve been thinking of you. Sending you both proper big hugs xx
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Big hug to you Nell hope you sleep well xxx love zoe xxx
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Good morning all - sorry to say but have been having a terrible time. I just cannot believe the truth of what has happened, cannot believe this is true.It is beyond me. How can the truth be that I will never see my boys again. I seem to be getting worse and the reality o it all too much to bear . Too much pain , I honestly feel that if it was not for Chris I would be totally bereft…I a I am fearful because as time passes the pain gets worse, the missing and the need to see them and hug them or just talk to them is worsening and I seem to to be having no respite now. They are lovely boys, kii and caring, bright and always showing their love for me and each other. I am suddenly having clearer memories of the first few days and all the horror of it all seems worse now. What now? I think I am full of fear about how out of control I feel and bad it can get. Sorry- I wish there were glimmers of light somewhere but I just cannot feel any . Love to all - the brave mumsxxx
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I totally agree with you definitely gets harder . Your just getting through the days like a zombie , you wake up in trauma and go through the day in trauma until you go to bed then it all starts again . You can’t even put into words how you are feeling . It’s like the months are rolling by and your just stuck in quick sand !! Very hard to deal with and no respite . Don’t know what we are going to do with ourselves . Xxxxx
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Jenna YOU are a brave mum, the bravest. You loved and lost two of the children you love, this is the worst that could happen to them and to you. Just keep on keeping on whatever way you can for today. None of what’s happened to us all makes any sense. You have pain upon pain. I’m thinking of you and though none of us can change any of what’s happened, you are still here and we are still here and we are all walking beside each other as best we can. I send you my love and respect. Your honesty and love has shone through in everything you have shared. I am always glad when you have posted. I wish you some peace. Xxxxx
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Yes i get all what your saying because as time goes on the reality hits . There not coming back .its the worst oain we have to indure. Its all normal its the hardest thing in the world but we somehow still get up in the morning and thats being strong we are in a nightmare we cant sugar cote it .and you dont have to . Just get through the days as best you can . The pain i know is unbearable . But you was all brave to come on here when you did .dont punish yourself for not feeling good its the worse thing that could happen. We just have to accept the rollercoaster and things to become a little easier . I wish i could hug you . Your allowed to be how you are .all my love zoe
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Nell you always try to help others sending you a big hug .your amazing xxx
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Thank god for this platform ! Love and hugs to all the ladies . Xxxx
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I wish I could hug you too. Xx
Wish we could all hug each other ! We all understand completely what a horrendous journey we are all on . I still can’t think about things . My daughter is getting married in September which I am dreading .Daniel was meant to be giving her away ! Going to be a very hard day even the thought of it frightens the life out of me . Xxx
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Its been a hard week my son would have been 20 on Wednesday such an emotional day! Hope we did him proud with his balloon release. Seems each day without him is getting harder.
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My prayers and thoughts are with you xxxx cruel world !!
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