It definitely gets harder !
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My thoughts and love are with you all. Itās definitely getting harder for me tooā¦itās now 11 weeks since we lost Andrew.
I think the few few weeks weāre probably in shockā¦our brains just wouldnāt cope with the overload of grief.
Itās a dull, rainy day today which suits my mood just fine. I find sunny days too upsetting at the moment as I feel Andrew is missing out. Just sitting here watching all the blue tits on the bird feeders. Iāve no motivation to do anything.
Iām sorry so many seem to be having extra bad days at the momentā¦as if every day isnāt bad enough.
Lots of warm hugs to you all
Sue xxxxx
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First few weeks
Just be kind to yourselves nothing else matters xx
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Sending hugs to each oe of you .I have been poorly with covid and have been really tired slept forc12 hours every cloud
Love to all .
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Oh sue get well soon take care xxx
Sorry to hear that Kath ! But at least when your sleeping your not in pain . Oh I just donāt know life is just so difficult . I have no motivation for nothing the easiest task is unbearable . Iām just so sad and lost but I have to go on for my children and grandchildren which is so hard at times because your just want to be left alone at times . Sorry if that sounds horrible but itās the way I feel . Xxx
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Thank you Zoe but it was poor Kath with covid 
. Somehow Iāve managed to avoid it even though my partner had it and most of my family did too.
Hope youāre not feeling too ill Kath.
Iām just motivating myself to get dressedā¦just another sad day to get through.
Love to you all xxxxx
Oooh sorry .kath hope you get better soon xx
I am getting there.Its just one thing after another
Thankyou each one of you for your kind wordsā¦I have been reading earlier posts about your lovely animals.My Louise had a lovely cat called Feaney
I used to go and feed it The day she died I was like on auto pilot and went to feed the cat and it ran out something she never did and we have never seen her since.despite extensive searches and posts on social media. I still canāt stop looking its been five months I like to think sheās with my daughter because she loved her so much.
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Hello everyone it is a shame that many of us are in so much pain. It seems like everyday is like the day before sometimes with a little reprieve. Is all this pain working us to acceptance? I surely hope so. The thing I hate is that you just donāt know when a grief attack is going to hit you. Itās so random. So far Iām keeping hope alive and just trying to remember that will get there but itās a long journey.
Yesterday for me was a bad day , and I look outside and the sun is shining , and Iām feeling sorry for myself because I didnāt feel like doing anything, and I would usually be outside doing something. You try to be positive but sometimes you canāt through the pain. Itās: 7:00 a.m. here and so far I have not burst into tears yet maybe itāll be a better day we will see. I hope everyone has the best day that they can. 
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Omg , how we are all suffering xxxxx at least we are all able to express ourselves on here xxxx
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That is so true Teddy I am glad that I found this site with people who understand what you are going through. I believe in the first few months that we are still in shock, I know I was, so the pain is not hitting you that hard and you think youāre doing okay. But when reality sets in thatās when the pain starts and you wonder to yourself well gee I was doing better in the beginning thatās because we were still in shock, but when the reality starts to set in so does the pain. I think thatās why people think well gee itās been 6 months I thought you were getting better. I know everyone grieves differently but when youāve had someone in your life for 20 or more years you donāt get over it in 6 months a year or more. We grievers understand that because I am sure that we have read about grieving listened about grieving and researched about grieving because we are in it! I feel that we have the knowledge about it it doesnāt mean it makes it any better but we do know how grieving works.
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Racy thatās so true.But we owe it to our loved ones to keep going.Who else is going to keep their precious memories alive.I miss my daughter so much I so her or spoke everyday.Except the last 6 months of her life she spent in hospital.How do you ever get over watching your precious loved one fade away in front of your eyes.She was such a fun loving person so I owe it to her to try to keep going.Hugs to all.
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Hello everybody I havenāt felt like posting this weekend, feeling the weight of everyoneās sorrow, and now Iām having a worse than usual sad day. An unfortunate exchange with my partner about him feeling down led me to say trĆ½ losing a child! A bit low, but true. So that set me off desperately missing Kath, wanting to hug her, talk to her, just see her smiling face. I was in town yesterday and kept visualising her as I used to see her, her distinctive walk, just catching sight of her before we met up. So Iām very tearful today.
Love and hugs to you all. But how I wish I didnāt know you!
Ann xxx
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Yes I totally agree people deal with grief so differently and no o e understands what we are going through unless there in it . Think this is why a lot of people in grief isolate themselves as they canāt listen to the utter crap some people out with . They think they know but they havenāt got a bloody clue the loss of a child is inhumane and cruel . I know personally Iām blocking things out and canāt think about things just try and get through the day xxxxx
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Oh Ann Iām so sorry to hear that youāre having a bad day and I totally understand what you mean about wishing that you didnāt know us because you wouldnāt be here suffering. I totally get it. What you said to your partner is what I want to say so many times to so many people. I hope the day isnāt a total washout for you. Much love and hugs
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Hi Ann,
Iām also feeling very tearful today. Iām finding that as the days go by Iām missing Andrew more and more. I do keep looking at photos of Andrew and can understand why some people say they find it difficult to look at their lost childrenās photos. Itās just crazy to think theyāre not here any more.
My partner is missing Andrew tooā¦weāve been together for 20 years and Andrew has been part of his life too but not for the whole 38 years that he was my son.
I saw him most days or we spoke on WhatsApp and I just keep picking my mobile up or looking out of the window aimlesslyā¦even though I know heās gone 
.
Iām going to phone the doctors tomorrowā¦I need another certificate but I might ask about antidepressants. I think I should get blood pressure checked too as all my extra drinking wonāt be doing me any favours. I doubt he can do anything for the permanent ache in my heart.
Iāll try anything if it helps.
I know what you mean about wishing we didnāt know each other. Iāve read some of the posts leading up to march 20th and canāt believe that I didnāt know then how much suffering everyone was going through. It just shows how little we all understand about grief until we are going through it ourselves.
Love to you allā¦Sue xxxx
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Thank you Racy and Sue.
If we have to get to know people here, well you are people worth knowing!
Sometimes the depth of grief on here really gets to me tho.
But my day has picked up a bit. My son video called from France, so I had the choice of refusing the call or picking myself up to talk to the family. So I heard all about swimming and dancing and birthday parties and saw their beautiful little faces. Such little loves .
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Oh Ann donāt beat yourself up about it.My husband is so supportive and grieving badly too.But some of the things I said are below the belt.I think we all have to have someone to blame and its usually those closest to us that gets it in the neck.Just cry it out tommorows another day.Bighugs.
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