You are right in what you say about how little we knew about grief. I honestly had no idea how overwhelming and crushing it is and how heart ripping. I had never experienced anything like it. I’ve had quite severe depression and anxiety a few years ago, I lost my partner and parents, that was painful and very sad, but not like this assault on our minds, bodies heart and the core of us. We all deserve some peace to get some rest and pick ourselves up, day in and day out. Xxx
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Thanks Kath, my partner is very supportive too, would do anything he could, but knows there’s nothing he can do or say other than be there. He’s also known Katherine 20 years, but she’s still not his daughter. (He has 4 children himself)
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Ann I understand what you mean about the total depth of grief on here can sometimes really get into your soul especially if you are struggling on a certain day with your grief. Some days you just can’t handle it until you get your bearings back. I feel for everyone on here and sometimes cry when I hear some of the things people are going through. Hopefully one day we will read about more people who have made it through and how they did it. I am waiting for that day hoping I will be one of those people telling that uplifting story. 
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Lovely supportive words ladies xxxx
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Tbh I’m not able to look at photos of my son find it to hard ! Still just can’t get my head around it . Xxxx
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I get that Teddy I can’t look at photos either even though I did put up one photo in the dining room, but when I go in the dining room I don’t actually look at it I just have it up in case I do want to look at it. Teddy may ask when did you lose your son?
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4th December
Seems like yesterday . Yes I do have photos in my flat but can’t look at them !
I know I’m not dealing with things but I suppose it’s my way off coping if that makes sense xxx
Oh my gosh yes it makes lots of sense you are early on in your grieving and so am I. I go back and forth with my feelings. I have a journal I write in ever so often and I still ask myself why? I go out to the grocery store and to the park and that’s about it I haven’t yet been around any of my friends or family because they just don’t understand and also I’m afraid of getting a grief reaction and breaking down. I do go to work everyday and that helps as far as a distraction but some days I have to hold the tears back at work when a wave of grief hits me out of nowhere. I get a reprieve every now and then, but most of the time I’m just sad as to be expected. You have other children to take care of is that correct?
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Racy I also keep a journal mostly letters to my daughter.I like to tell her how her boys are doing as they are not intouch with their dad .They only have us to support them through their grief. But strangely it gives me comfort.I have great family and friends who are very supportive. I lost Louise January .Teddy I hope you get some peace and respite hang in there.Just getting up and making it through another day shows how strong you are I wish I could give you both a big hug.xxx
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Thanks Kath xxx Yes I have two daughters and a son plus five grandsons . My son had a little boy called Lenny who comes over every second weekend which is a blessing but hard at the same time , he looks so much like his dad xxx
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I get that I don’t really see anyone offer then my family really . Just haven’t got the strength to deal with people . Like being at home that’s where I feel safe . Xxx
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Just been reading everyone’s comments. Hope you’re better now kath. I feel some of yoh are the only ones who understand. It does just hit you sometimes and the times I’m ok I’m scared I’ll forget Ben or that hell think I’ve forgot him even though it’s far from it.
Me and my husband fell out this weekend, he doesn’t understand at times as he’s not Ben’s dad and has 2 of his own. We have the youngest but haven’t since Ben’s died but he’s the opposite from Ben in that he isn’t as empathetic and gets all he wants from the other side so doesn’t appreciate things the same. I’m finding it difficult to see him. My husband thinks I should go back work but it’s only 8 weeks and I’m a community nurse so it’s not so easy. He was supportive before but not Friday.
I’m seeing a clairvoyant this week, I’m a little scared but I believe in some of it and seen ones before but know not everyone believes, hoping I get a little peace. Everything scares me like even with the ashes etc.
Hugs to you all xxx
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Sara I am feeling a little exhausted but I am a lot better.Unless you’ve lost a child you can’t possibly understand.Take your time in going back to work its early days.I am retired so don’t have that worry.Be kind to yourself I know it’s easier said than done. I hope the medium gives you some comfort.Xxx
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The thing with grief ive learnt you cant hide it . Im not ashamed to cry . I dont care now if im down and cant stop the tears i just let them go grief has made me reliaze what matters i was a really shy person but .now i say it how it is we have all been shown life can be gone in a heart beat .i put everyone in front of me . Now i feel we all need our time . This journey is horric im a year in now .and the longing for sam is so immense i sit in the garden and shout at the sky . Its wicked so wicked your mind plays tricks on you . And we go over and over the bad things its all so bloody sad . Its changed our lifes forever . Theres such a sadness .its so hard to be happy . Big hugs ladys xx
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Dear Sarah, it’s ok to be ok, you’ll never forget your Ben, he’s with you wherever you go and whatever you do. He knows you haven’t forgotten him.
Sorry you’ve rowed with your husband. I think a lot of us have had those particular glitches, especially when he’s not the birth father, and we can do without it when we need all the support we can get.
Only you know when youcan go back to work. It’s another of those cases where one size does not fit all. I hope they won’t mind me saying, but Racy finds work a distraction, whereas Teddy tried to go back and it was a terrible mistake, she had an awful time. Get signed off for as long as you need. YOU need, not what,anyone else thinks, however well meaning. I’m retired so doesn’t apply to me.
I hope you get some help and comfort from the medium. I do believe life goes on, and we will meet our children again. It’s the only hope I have.
Love to you, Ann xx
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Hi Sara , sorry for your loss , I agree you can’t understand it unless you have lost a child . It is very cruel and totally unnatural ! I lost my son in December and was off work for a while I tried to go back due to pressure and my financial situation but if I am being totally honest it was the worst thing for me my anxiety rocketed . Went back staggered return but couldn’t cope and I have been signed off again . I think you just have to do what’s best for you . Xxxx
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Thanks Kath a journal does help you get your feelings out and see how you are progressing. I need to use it more often though.
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Yes that is a blessing Teddy take much joy in it as you can. I realize sometimes it must be hard especially when you’re not in the right frame of mind.
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