I am so sorry to hear that Sarah but I hope you don’t mind me saying that what he thinks and what you feel are two different things. If you don’t feel ready to go back to work you shouldn’t because it probably would not be a good thing for you. Like Ann said everyone is different and you just have to do what’s right for you. 
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Thank you it’s like a minefield of emotions and what to do. I know we’re all at different points but at least we can understand what each others going through to an extent xxx
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I know what you mean about the grandkids looking like the one you lost. I see the way my grandkids look are a reminder in that way. It’s bitter sweet. They are in their teens, a difficult time for many kids and so much harder for them. When they first went back to school they felt that everyone in the school knew and they were ‘objects of interest’ to the other kids and sadly, objects of disinterest to the staff, who should know better. They have been let down by all the services and in particular by school. It’s been a whole learning experience for me to see how little help their is for children, who need it the most. School do a lot of talking about help, but nothing ever appears. It would have been better for the girls if they’d told me there was nothing and they are sorry. But, to cover their own backs, they pretend they can help, they must know themselves that they can’t or won’t follow through. A bit of honesty would have saved the girls expecting help that never arrived. In the early days I actually believed they meant what they said. I know better now and so do my grandkids. Schools budgets are cut to the bone, There’s no real help and no real understanding. It’s unbelievable that both their schools are more interested in platitudes than showing compassion or practical help. Before I realised all this I had a meeting at school with the headteacher and social services. Lots of talk, talk but when I said ‘ can you tell me what you are going to do to help?’. They said nothing yet, but they were continuing to explore counselling. When I said ‘but you told me that was in place right now soon as needed’ they said it’s being sorted as a priority. Nothing ever happened. I give up on all of them. Every single bit of useful help for me and the girls has been found by me searching the internet for hours and hours. None from school. All from charities, who even if they can’t always help, are at least honest and treat me with respect and tell the truth. I wish I could say school was fantastic but they were hopeless. Xx
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Yes that rings a bell Nell o e if my grandchildren was really struggling I told my daughter to speak to the school to see if he could get some nothing come off it . Xx
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Unfortunately Nell your story is all too familiar. I feel sorry for you like me you are trying to navigate your own grief as well as your grandchildren. My Grandchildren are older but 19 year old is autistic.When my daughter split from her husband he decided to live with his dad.he was 14.As well as passive parenting allowing him to do drugs etc he even supplied him.His dad was a compulsive gambler
Social services actually enabled him to live with his dad by supplying him with a flat.My daughter was heartbroken.So 2 days after my daughter died they got evicted from the flat for none payment of rent.His dad actually left him on the doorstep on the pretence he was walking the dog.and he never came back.So in our 70s we found ourselves looking after a vulnerable child because that’s what he is.All the help for him we sourced ourselves.He now has a flat round the corner from us and we can better support him.So I know some of what you are up against.
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Morning ladies , another day ahead off us ! I wake up every morning shaking I’d imagine that’s trauma does anyone else get this ? Big hugs to all the lovely ladies xxxx
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Yes Teddy, I wake up with such strong palpitations it feels like my body is shaking. It takes a while for it to stop and leaves a horrible ache in my heart.
I’ve spoken to my doctor this morning and he’s writing me a sick certificate for another 3 months. I only get full sick pay from Asda for 12 weeks and I’ve already been off work for 11 weeks but you get statutory sick pay for 28 weeks. I know money is the last thing on our minds at this time but I still have a mortgage to pay and other than that I only have my state pension to pay the bills.
He’s sending a prescription of antidepressants to the chemist for me…so I’ll give them a go. I suggested I should go in to have my blood pressure checked as I’m drinking a lot more than I should so they’re making me an appointment for blood tests etc. It seems that you just tell the doctor what you need these days …they don’t tell you!
How are you managing Teddy…are you signed off work for much longer?
I must say I wouldn’t be able to go in to work the way I’m feeling so it’s one less worry at the moment.
Love and hug to all…Sue xxxx
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Hi sue , yes I got signed off for another six weeks but to be honest don’t think I’m going back just can’t cope . I have been on antidepressants and anxiety tablets for about three weeks now . Think there helping ! I have never been a tablet person but then again I have never been through what I’m going through now . !! Think you have to try something to get you through the day . I wake up with a very heavy heart and go to sleep the same way . Xxxxx
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Going back to work is so difficult definitely didn’t work for me think it made me worse ! Go with what you want to do .
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Oh Kath that sounds horrendous . Thank god he has you and your support . I suppose you can’t change peoples behaviour . Xxx
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Lots of your situation was like mine. Instead of helping me keep my grandaughter with me they seemed more interested in being suspicious of me, any information I gave them about their dads erratic behaviour was dismissed as ‘hearsay’. They didn’t respond to numerous calls despite my family being in crisis. My MP did his best and called for all available relevant services to action this with priority. It took 4 weeks for anyone to take any responsibility for helping us. I told their mental health team that due to what had happened I was traumatised, they agreed, then told me there was no help. For me or my traumatised grandchildren. I wrote to the Head of Childrens Services and the leader of the council. Neither of them even replied. If I wasn’t so broken by losing my daughter I would be kicking up a huge stink about all this but I just don’t have the energy anymore.
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Actually Kath when Insaid it took for weeks for anyone to take responsibility I should have said it took 4 weeks for them to tell me they weren’t gonna take any responsibility.
When I was looking for charities I went to one called Kinship. They told me before COVID they would have given families like mine a £2,000 grant to help us start a new life together. Sadly tho their donations have fallen away and there’s no money to do it.
Britain 2022 is not a kindly place to be if you are vulnerable. I’d never been to Social Services before and I naively believed they would help. I am sure stories like mine and yours are happening routinely across the country. If I hadn’t experienced it myself I wouldn’t have believed how utterly hopeless and actually damaging they can be, far too often.
End of rant!
Best wishes and hugs to you xxx
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Nell social worker told my daughter her son didn’t want to live with her.His dad let him do what he liked what 14 year old wouldn’t like that no boundaries. They have no idea of the consequences of there actions.My other grandson was ok with his mother he did well at school went to uni and now he’s got a good job.Yhe one who lived with his dad is so off the rails but we getting there you have tobsort it yourself no help.Like you say you have to live through it to believe it.Like you if you weren’t so traumatised by grief things might have a different outcome.Sending love.
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Kath and Nell
So sorry for your awful experiences when you are trying to support your grandchildren while suffering the most dreadful pain yourselves. It makes me very angry.
I’ve said before that this is perhaps not the place for politics, but since all our lives are controlled to some extent by politics perhaps it is. Welcome to ‘broken Britain’. For people in many situations to be suffering because of lack of funding, in one of the richest countries in the world, in 2022, beggars belief. ‘We’re all in it together’? Don’t make me laugh. Except it’s not a laughing matter.
You are strong, brave ladies, and I know the ba… .ds won’t get the better of you.
Sending over and positive vibes, Ann xxx
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Sending love, should be.
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What an awful experience you both have had in only trying to support your grandchildren as Anne says it beggars belief . Very hard to actually believe this happens to people when there at there at the lowest in their lives as I have said cruel world we live in and personally think none of these people give a dam xxx stay strong ladies xx
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Hi ladies , hope you all had some kind of a peaceful day ! Today was crap for me just can’t be bothered with anything xxxx so, so sad all the time , what’s this life all about ? Big hugs to all xxxx
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Sorry to hear that Teddy
I had a day like that 2 days ago but the last 2 days haven’t been too bad so hopefully tomorrow will bring a better day for you❤️
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Yes let’s hope . Haven’t been out for days ! Can’t be bothered x
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Hi ladies been a few days and no one has posted I’d imagine we are all not feeling up to it xx hope all are doing ok and sending big hugs to all the lovely ladies . My youngest son is doing his first gig tonight which I’m attending feeling very anxious being in that environment but needs must . Just wish his big brother was here to see him , I know he would have been so proud off him . Xxxx
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