Well done, I know with me it was the anticipation. But you made it through another day. And well done Sue and Teddy small steps lead to bigger outcomes.Its been 6 months since My Louise died and this week is the best I have been,I know i will have bad days but I hope have more good, My Daughter would not want me to be sad forever so I am trying for her and her Boys.
3 Likes
Well done all of you, those steps are not so small you know, so be proud that youâve taken them and made your lovely children proud too.
And happy birthday dear Theo xxxâŠ
Love to you all, Ann 
1 Like
Sending so much to you all . Be proud of your steps every day different .dont beat yourselfs up just do what you can sending big hugs đ« xxx
2 Likes
Good for you Sue. Iâm glad you also had a bright and good day!
2 Likes
Thank you Ann for saying happy birthday to my Theo that brought tears to my eyes in a good way. Lots of love to you 
2 Likes
Thank you Zoe and I hope you are having good days also
2 Likes
I know what you mean about the anticipation often being worse than the event turns out to be. Iâm still stressing over my statement ti the Coroner. The police hoped to do it all online but after taking my statement over the phone when I was sent the draft to sign, it didnât seem to include some of the relevant stuff and there were other details not there. I stressed about that for days. Then they wanted my final texts to my daughter, it ripped my heart out going over them before I felt ready. Iâm at the stage now when I said I canât sign it as it is. I asked for the policewoman dealing with it to come to my house and do it with me. She readily agreed, so thatâs good. Sheâs coming tomorrow and itâs now the anticipation of that causing stress. I know itâs got to be done and I know the police are doing their best but it feels like I have to go over it again and again. Hopefully it will be resolved tomorrow and then all the relevant documents go to the coroner. She died in January so it feels like a long wait to be even asked about what happened and Iâm worried I wonât get all the things accurate or relevant due to the passage of time. Nobody has really explained the process or what the Coroner needs. I have found that out for myself, and the statement they took is full of irrelevant stuff that is likely to upset my son in law who apparently is eventually given copies of everyoneâs statement. No one told me that either. I expect I can sort all that out and remove the irrelevant stuff tomorrow. I want to get it right for my daughter, itâs the last thing I can do for her. In the bigger picture though the stress about the statement will pass. I can only do my best and tell the truth. I am still having chinks of light and when the statements finished I am going to read it once and then try and leave it be. It wonât change whatâs happened and itâs not the main issue. Her loss is the main issue. The statement has been a really painful issue and wonât go away till Iâve gone through it all again tomorrow. There will be buckets of tears tomorrow but then at least that stressor will be done with and I can move in from that formality and get back to my personal grief which I can share with others who care about me and my daughter. I know the police need things like my texts to get a bigger picture of what occurred but it feels like even our final texts canât be private. Itâs just how the system works and I have to accept that. Iâm reminding myself that seeing the police tomorrow is one step closer to some sort of acceptence.
Seeing so many people like me, whoâve lost someone tragically start to pick themselves up, slowly, slowly I know that there is hope. I too can see chinks of light and once Iâve signed and agreed the statement Iâve done the right thing and done my best to get it right, itâs time to lay down that piece of pain at least. Iâm not planning to go to the Inquest, it wonât help my daughter and it wonât help me. Iâve got a choice about that, which I donât about the statement. Iâm going to get through tomorrow as best I can and then start paying attention to the chinks of light. Instead of having to relive the darkness over and again for that statement. Xxx
2 Likes
Oh Nell, my heart goes out to you. Youâre absolutely right though that no matter what is said or written at the end nothing can bring our children back.
I have the police calling tomorrow morning to take a statement from me. I have until 24th of June to write and send my written statement to the coroner. I keep putting it off but will make time to do it this week.
So I totally understand what youâre going through just now.
The inquest is going to be in October. A long way off and no doubt will potentially set me back to the beginning again. I too am experiencing odd moments of reprieve but few and far between.
Good luck with getting your statement to read as you wantâŠIâm sure they will help you sort it.
Thinking of you with loveâŠSue xxxx
2 Likes
Thank you. I think taking my statement over the phone and then waiting days to see what was recorded hasnât helped. As far as I can find out, it seems that anything in the statement that happened after her death is irrelevant so Iâve no idea why they asked those questions. To be fair to the police the policewoman whoâs dealing with it, she has responded quickly to my worries and agreed to come and take screenshots of my texts and now to come to my home to adjust the statement. I have had to be proactive to get those things. They werenât offered. It makes me wonder if some people, deep in grief just sign and arenât aware that, till you sign, you can change your statement if it doesnât seem right. Iâm hoping that others see my worries and speak out to the police if they feel itâs all âbusiness as usualâ and end up feeling rushed and not heard. I hope your statement doesnât end up giving you too much heartache and you get to feel your voice is heard. Sending you love and compassion. Xxx
2 Likes
Dear Nell and Sue, what awful additional pain you are having to deal with. Yes it has to be done but it seems so cruel on top of the unconsolable grief of the loss of your beloved children.
Thinking of you with love , Ann xx
1 Like
I lost my daughter last week after a two and a half year struggle with breast cancer. I knew for all that time her death was coming, yet itâs still hit me hard.
I have nothing to blame myself for - it was cancer - and I nursed her devotedly.
And yet I still feel guilty, as though I should/could have done something to prevent it happening.
Mothers feel guilty, even when itâs totally illogical.
2 Likes
Morning sue and Nell I could just feel your pain reading your posts . Bloody awful what has to be done ! Thinking of you both and do try and be kind to yourselves xxxx
2 Likes
We all feel your pain Jimky xxx
2 Likes
Hi Jinxy so sorry for your loss. You looked after your daughter with such love and devotion.We all feel a little guilty as though we could have done more its just human nature.You have nothing to feel guilty about be kind to yourself. Itâs such early days.
3 Likes
I think all parents get that guilt feeling, itâs a horrid symptom of grief particularly for parents. It is your brain trying to find answers to the unanswerable. It feels like someone must be to blame, so we feel guilty that we arenât miracle workers and couldnât âfixâ it. You arenât guilty of anything and you love your daughter. Hope you can hang onto that and remember too itâs very early days and you are all over the place emotionally and thatâs truly grim, but it wonât be as grim as it is now forever. Be kind to yourself if you can and just get by day by day. Donât expect too much of yourself, if you are putting one foot in front of the other right now, you are doing as well as you can. Sending hugs and respect. Xxx
4 Likes
Dear Jinxy, what you say about us mums is absolutely right. We know in our head that it wasnât our fault that we lost our beloved daughters and sons, but our hearts say we should have been able to protect them better, do something, anything, that would have saved them, and as a last resort taken their place. But we couldnât, and thatâs hard to take.
I also watched my darling daughter die of cancer, 3 months ago. It gradually stole her from us, before finally taking her life.
We on here are trying to come to terms with this new reality, but people here are so kind and understanding and know how you feel as no one else can. Reach out and you will get love and support.
Much love Ann x
3 Likes
My heart goes out to you JinxyâŠlosing a child is the worst thing ever. We all loved our children and would give anything to have them back with us again but unfortunately that will never happen so we have to learn to live without them. Itâs not easy and at times feels impossible but somehow we get through each dayâŠone at a time.
My son Andrew died suddenly on March 20th. I found him when I went to pick him up to go detecting for the day. I thought heâd just overslept but heâd stopped breathing in his sleep. I had to give him CPR until the paramedics arrived but all the time I knew I was too late. I felt guilty and worried that Iâd done it wrong or maybe Iâd broken his neck when I pulled him off the bedâŠor what if Iâd got there earlier? ButâŠI have to accept that I couldnât have done any more than I didâŠwe canât go back in time so canât change anything.
Youâve come to the right place to speak to people that are going through the same pain as you. All the ladies and a few gentlemen that post on here are amazingâŠtheyâve been such a help to me. We all are here to support each other and are here for you too.
Love and hugsâŠSue xxx
3 Likes
Well after a miserable start to the day Iâve been out with friends and came back to find a great chunk of my boundary wall has fallen down. The me I was before I lost my daughter would have been really stressed and annoyed at the inconvenience and cost. I looked at it and thought âin the scheme of things and after everything thatâs happened, I donât care about a piece of wall, I wonât let that upset meâ. That is a chink of light really. Sending hugs xxx
2 Likes
That certainly is a chink of light! Yes feels good doesnât it.
2 Likes
Hi suedav - thought Iâd let you know. I did my statement today and a policewoman came to my house to take it. She was very helpful and I am now happy that it states the facts and a fair resume of her life. I know you are also dealing with a statement. For me, knowing that the statement is the last thing I can do for my daughter. Itâs a bit of a relief to know I have done it as best as I can out of love and respect for her and her children. Hope your statement does the same for you. Sending love xxx
2 Likes