Hi all so much suffering with the loss of our children. When jonny dies it was so quick
and I was still reeling from loosing Adrian. I felt guilty about jonny and blamed myself wandering how I could have not seen what was happening to him . These horrible guilt and self hatred came back with such a fury that I have felt that I could never live with the feelings that I have . I Just want to see him again and tell him that I wished I had known how I’ll he was and why he just let it happen. They all have a different slant on this and that I have nothing to feel guilty about. I know jonny knew I loved him but the pain at the moment is so horrible .I hope u are all coping today as well as u can Jxxxxx
Hi jenny I really feel for you .To lose one is bad enough but 2.Like you there was so much I wanted to tell my daughter.She was in hospital 6 months and because of covid restrictions hardly saw her.I didn’t expect her to die.All the things I wanted to say I write it down as if I am writing a letter.I tell her photo.I know it might not help everybody.I even tell her how my days gone.Big hugs.
That’s a nice thing to do and if it brings you comfort why not . Xxx big hugs to all the ladies xxx
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HI kath thanks for your post. I think I will try and write something for him it sounds luke something I could do .I did not know what happened to your daughter it is all so sad.xxj
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Hi all hope u all doing ok jx
I am doing a bit of gardening .I find it therapeutic.Just remember our children left us memories that gave us more reasons to smile than to cry.
You are right of course thanks for reminding me xxx
Morning ladies , feel so crap just can’t stop crying . So lost beyond words this life is so unfair . How do we go on I feel so weak . Xxx
Time is flying by but I am stuck !!
What to do……
Oh Teddy such early days your still in shock dont beat your self up .u just have to go with it .baby steps . Its so hard for us because your children are not ment to go before us .i always feel worse when i just sit in .even if you just step outside . Your mind is so powerful .and grief plays havoc its exhausting . I really wish i had a magic wand for all of us x big hugs to all xx
Dear Teddy2
I do know your pain and despair and I wish I could take it away from you….
Instead let me say that getting outside, connecting with nature, walking a little, pottering in the garden, all these are tiny steps that add up to you finding a calm moment.
At the beginning of the journey- which is continuous- the road is at its hardest. I just cried…screamed…sat dazed in the chair…nothing made sense. My garden was a saviour as was meditation- which helps control runaway thoughts….
Be kind to yourself…you will very slowly find your grief is not so sharp…my son’s been gone for 30 months…each day I live takes me further from him, but also closer to us being together again. It’s just a temporary situation I’m in.
I’m sending love and hugs to you.
Purple
Hi purple you seem to have found an acceptance .thats truly amazing . Your kind words are always so thoughtful . Big hugs zoe xx
Thank you so much for quick response . Xxx such kind and heartfelt words xxxx I just don’t know I think as time goes on it seems to get harder . I find the days so hard and as I said before I can’t even think to much I’m just plodding in in a daze of utter sadness . Xxx
Hi Teddy It’s only 6 weeks on for me.And I agree with purple .yesterday I was in the garden it was such a lovely day.So therapeutic…I know its not for every body.My daughter in the end was paralysed.and doubly incontinent.As much as I would love her here with me and I certainly would have looked after her.She would not have wanted to go on like that.asSo in someway I hold onto that thought.
Its so new .it does getter harder your waiting for them to walk in . Your in big shock right now .just come on and rant x
Morning ladies , hod do I feel bad today is a understatement . I know I keep repeating myself but I just don’t know what to do .I know a few of you lovely ladies said about gardening but I don’t have a garden . I did go for a walk the other day and saw a few ladies I know img I done a 360 degree turn and became very anxious . I have literally gone from someone that was so active and enjoyed having chats to now hiding from people but I’m taking that this is quiet !!
Normal behaviour .
Hi Teddy.
If your suffering from anxiety you need to see your doctor.They should refer you to specialist mental health teams .who can give you coping mechanisms. I Know these help because my daughter had severe anxiety.It is an horrible feeling.The only thing with me is if I go out I just can’t wait to get back home again.Take care.
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Hi teddy .dont ever think your repeating yourself .we all here darling everything your feeling is just normal theres no rules with grief…im repeating its so new you are in deep shock .please be kind to yourself .i never went out for weeks .facing people is heartbreaking .people dont get it . Shout cry . Stay in bed but give yourself time . On the 27th april it will be a year .and if im truly honest im calmer and kinder to myself. But it hurts just the same .like it was yesterday . How old was your boy …sending you big hugs xxxx