Hi Lonely
I know how you feel not that I have lived with this pain as long as you it’s 10 months it is sad that friends and even family have not been there for me as it gets longer I will probably have more that do not bother already it has made me bitter I will not be there for them when they need me either
Sending you a hug take care xxx
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It’s been 4 months for me too and it’s like people have had enough of me being sad now and tell me I need to move on.
They really have no idea of how difficult it is, even just to get out of bed in the morning, if it wasn’t for my dogs I probably wouldn’t.
I’m also being told I should think about going back to work.
I have a meltdown over the smallest of things and know there is no way I would be able to cope as I worked in a wedding venue and it would be so upsetting to have to watch people on the happiest day of there lives.
We never got to have our wedding day!
I will never be ready to move on.
Muldool
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Yes it’s a horrible word Widow/Widower, I lost my wife to cancer in March 2021, it was 12 months yesterday since she passed away, I still wear my wedding ring, as far as I am concerned I am still married, I hate the fact by law you are not. I’m not sure how I have managed to get this far since her passing, I just take one day at a time, I still talk openly to her and say good morning and goodnight to her picture, I also light a candle for her every evening, doing the simple things seem to help a little, for the first time yesterday I played her favourite singer’s music, I had been unable to do this before because of getting to upset, I’m so glad I did, I found it quite uplifting and I could almost hear Ria singing along. Take care.
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Awww, that’s such a fitting way to mark Ria’s anniversary, by playing music by her favourite singer.
Your words have really struck a cord with me. When you say "I’m not sure how I’ve managed to get this far "
I feel exactly the same. 13 months for me now since I lost my darling. Don’t really know how I’ve got here.
Janey
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That is nice that you managed to play her song I struggle my husband loved his music so many songs have special meanings for us I will do same as you it’s so horrible what we are are going through I have meltdowns some days I get through the day and some days I do not I don’t work now it will be hard for you you will know when you can take care
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I feel the same how are we still here with out our soul mate beside us does not seem right have to try and make them proud until it’s our time I guess not easy is it all new way life that we don’t like
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i can understand that too people seem to treat as if you dont exist when you have lost your husband/wife and then you cant help feeling bitter they all will go through it some time theres always one left on their own sorry to say and the people who think your husband /wife just passes and thats it you get over it and get back to wide open world are ok because at the momment they are still two will all find out one day what its like and that goes for the people who work in the dwp that treat you just as a name and got no compasion because they are ok
pat
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I have never thought about taking my wedding ring off. I will keep it on because like all of you I still feel married. It’s awful how people drift away and just assume you are ok now after a few months. I am actually feeling worse after 6 months and had to go to doctors yesterday. People just haven’t got a clue unless it’s happened to them I sorry to say I was probably one of those people before I had to experience it
Take care everyone xx
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Hi
That is terrible that you had to go through all that to get the attendance allowance. When you are looking after someone who is ill it’s stressful enough without going through that.
Someone from Macmillan came out to see us to help with our forms. He knew actually how to word things on them and without his help I’m sure we would have been refused.
I’m so sorry you haven’t got the support you should have from your family but reading about all the jobs you are doing you are an inspiration to us
Take care xx
My husband also passed away last September and I agree with you it’s getting harder to cope without him miss him more each day,I will always wear my wedding rings he will always be my husband,I wonder if this awful sick churning in my stomach will ever go away
It’s so sad we have to go this heartbreaking grief each day other people who aren’t going through this don’t understand at least we can express ourselves on here
Take care
Christine x
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Hi Lonely
we had the same happen to for the attendance allowance for years by the time we got the back pat and had 1 months payment patrick died when i phoned up to let them know within 2 hours it was stopped
same with trying to get some help with looking after him for the last 2 years had nurses come to do assessments the doctor said yes we need a nurse in twice a week then 2 days before they were due to start we got a message to say he isnt getting one now as he has me this happened twice
then he had to go to the clinic with his legs for celulitis and cause he could drive as far as there they said he was to go to them once a week then given dressings and creams to bring home with the message im sure your wife knows what to do
no one asked me how i was copeing with everything and how i was feeling and managing
its so unfair to have to go through all this when you are trying you best to look after your husband/wife 24/7 as you said and then they wonder why you get so angry
pat
It’s so difficult and very stressful being a carer made worse when it was through the lockdowns when no one was allowed to come and help. I know mark was the one who was going through all the horrible treatment and illness but I felt I was going through it with him and nobody ever asked how I was. If I ever know someone going through the same in the future I will make a point of doing that xx
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i know the thing is your trying to do the best for 24/7 but when you so tired and exhausted you feel as if you cant go on much longer then you feel guilty because you feel that you not doing enough
i would help anyone i knew that was going through the same too
pat
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i know what you mean lucky enough we moved in a bungalow for the 60s and over so no stairs but we had to fight to get a wet room put in as we only had a shower over the bath we are i social housing belonging to an housins asociation and get nothing done it took us 5 years of fighting getting all dufferent people invovled had it done last march as he died in the november but at least got to use it
i feel the same no one once phones you up after they pass to see how you are copeing now if you need any help
when he was alive he hadnt seen a doctor face to face in over 2 years just all over the phone no care what so ever i asked once how can you ever tell what is a matter with anyone when you dont even see them they didnt answer
its all wrong through the covid we all clapped the NHS for what they did who comes out and claps for us the unpaid that do everything for the love of that person
you can only claim carers alowance if you are under pension age and have to give up a job the rest of get nothing
pat
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Hi my hubby died six months ago and I am still waiting for a decision from pip . We put the claim in last may he died in September they said I could claim it back dated to the may if he was allowed it but I’m still waiting for a decision . Disgusting . Also after hubby died mortgage insurance said they might need to see hubby medical records and to ask the Dr not to dispose of them . When I phoned the Dr to ask them to keep hubby medical records the reception was a bit uppy asked why when he was still a patient there . I then informed them he had died six weeks before. They said they didn’t know and have not been in touch with me since . Disgusting .
Hi Broken
i wouldnt hold my breath of getting pip now he died if i was you get in touch with the CAB and ask them they will give you the information you need if you can still get that back dated amount
yes the insurance want proof of his medical records to make sure thanany illeness he died from wasnt anything to do with anything he had before you took the insurance out they are sympathetic like that anything to try and not pay
i had to phone the gp myself to let then know my husband had died hospital never done it
as if loosing your hasband/wife isnt bad enough you have to go through the mill too
hope you get it all sorted out
it took me 3months to get my pension credit sorted on got it sorted then because i got in touch the CAB and my local councillor they got it all sorted in a week
pat
Hi thanks for your reply. It is so hard trying to sort all finances out .we both always worked .I only work 26hrs . So I’m not entitled to any help .I get bereavement payment for 18 months (saving it for my funeral ) . What with being furlough and sick pay any savings we had are gone. Money doesn’t bother me I will make do but to think hubby worked all his life and the time we needed help didn’t get any. I think we have enough heartbrake losing our loved partner without any hassle after . It seems nothing has gone smoothly since he died everything I have had to sort takes umpteen phone calls without people listing. They say they have to speak to my husband ( oh I wish I could speak to him ) after I have told them he has died .I think some companies need more training on dealing with bereaved people. Sorry for going on but it has helped me having a rant . Thank you . Take care x
thats the problem working all your life then having to fight for whats righly yours no nothing goes smoothly for the grieving they make it as hard as possible for to get things sorted there should special people to help who have had traing with the bereivment side of it to help the people left behind but theres nothing
i had someone phone me up the other weak tell me they still had an appointment for my hubnd to do some checks on his breathing i told him he had passed away nearly 4 months ago no words of sorry or nothing just said he would take his name off the systome
you are entitled to have a rant all you like as we all are for the way we are all treated
pat
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It’s disgusting the amount of time it takes to get a decision about benefits. What an awful thing for you to ring the gp surgery to find out they didn’t know about your husband. Rant all you like we all have to do it sometimes. We all understand on here xx
Hi thank you for your reply . I will wait a couple more weeks then phone pip (takes at least an hour to get through)and then blast them if still no decision made . I am not that sort of person but I’m doing it for my hubby x Also Dr are shocking as we had just started getting palative care from them two weeks before he died and also I had to phone every few days for his morphine prescription . So did they not realized it had all stopped and palative never came back out . The saying we are just a number is so true. Take care x
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