That’s just too much pain to bare, losing your daughter then losing your Phyllis. You just have to wonder how much heartache a heart can actually suffer. Both too young to leave.
My husband was only 61 too and I loved him as boy and man, meeting each other at 19. I was mortified when my mum & dad told me they grew up next to his mum & dad & they all knew each other. Teenagers don’t want that kind of familiarity when their love is new & exciting.
And as you say, in your heart for life. I got lost 13 months ago when covid destroyed our life & still feel I have no life or purpose without my big guy.
I’m glad your son is helping you cope
Thank you for your kind thoughts Joe x
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Hello Lisa, yes I feel exactly like you, I lost my husband six months ago and it is so hard to cope, I try to keep as busy as possible, otherwise I just sit and think which isn’t good., I just send you a big hug and do write if you feel like it, I guess we will have good days and not so good days, I find talking to friends helps a lot. Take care of yourself . Jeanette x
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Another day for us all to try and cope with I m so sorry for those of you that are poorly as well as suffering from out broken hearts all take care xxx
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Hi Lisa sorry you have had this happen to you, I lost my hubby 6 years ago and the pain some days is still so strong and subsides other days.
My solace is keeping busy it’s the only way for me as soon as I have a few hours to try to read etc I find my mind drifting.
It’s horrible but life has changed as you knew it and we have to try to plod on and try to make the best of it. That couple feeling unfortunately never returns but you put some of your love into other people (grandchildren ) adult children are great and loving but it’s the loneliness that’s hard especially when you come home at night so I understand as everybody on the site does. Keeping as busy as you can is my advice and sending my thoughts to you.
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Thank you for your message. It helps to to chat with others in the same position x
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I am 20 months into widowhood. In the first lockdown I could not have a proper funeral or wake. I still miss my husband every day and talk to him at times. It doesn’t get easier but it does gradually change and I have begun to learn to live alongside it. I miss the jokes we shared that no-one else could possibly understand and being able to discuss decisions. I have been ripped off once or twice by tradesmen who know I am now alone. I am more wary now! I would say take any invitations offered, even if you don’t feel like going. And ask for help - very difficult to do but most people don’t quite know what to offer, although they want to help. The most helpful people immediately after the death brought me postage stamps, fixed a gutter and showed me how to raise the flag in our flagpole! Little things that were inexpressibly helpful.
Let yourself express your grief, even if it means you scream or shout. Some people will drift away from you now you are not one of a couple but you will know the ones who don’t are your true friends. The most helpful thing I read was:
Grief is not linear - it will come back when you least expect it but that is ok!
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Hi Kate
i totally agree with everything you say i am just over 3 months in but am learning to live with it getting out on my own to markets and up to his grave with my geyhound by my side
you do have to be careful of people when they find out you are a lone now who try to rip you off o pretend to be a friend
what i have found is that you notice more going out on your own from when you were a couple and going everywhere by car that you took for granted and how many other people that are like you alone now and look lost just wanting to talk to some one i met 2 lovely ladies yesterday that had lost their husband around the same time as me when i went down town to see the pancake race and we ended up walking around together and watching the pancake race together and it was lovely to chat face to face with someone going through the same experiance
pat
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It really is the worst feeling, the empty house , the terrible silence night & day, going out & returning home where nothing has moved ,everything just as you left it, going shopping for food ,possibly the worst of all, I don’t know what to buy anymore, as so much was for my husband, he loved food& desserts especially, I sometimes abandon my basket & run out of the shop, as I am often overwhelmed with emotion.
It is 2 years for me now & I have to hope that one day soon I will find it a little easier.
My heart aches for you & everyone else in the same circumstances.
Hope for better days ahead is all we haves& must try to cling to that.
Marie.
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Hi Jeanette, thank you . Yes I try to keep busy the days aren’t to bad it’s the evenings I tend to struggle with. Feeling a bit better today . Sending hugs to you too
Take care Lisa xx
Thank you looby, yes I try to keep busy but the last few days I’ve really struggled but feeling a bit better today. I am an avid reader but just don’t have it in me at the minute my mind tends to wonder. Sadly we never had any children was just the 2 of us. Take care xx
Hi Kate, sorry that happened to you some people can be very cruel. Yes it’s the conversations and little jokes we shared that I miss. I forget at times and think I must tell Neil. Family and friends have been great and have been taking me out etc but this past week has been quiet and that’s when it hits you.
Take care xx
Yes family have been great but I think if they haven’t been through this horrible experience they don’t quite understand what we are going through.
Take care xx
Hi sorry for your loss , I find it hard when I go out on my own as we went everywhere together apart from work , I see other couples and feel sad it’s not us , it’s seems so unfair
Take care x
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Hi I lost my husband to covid and we couldn’t have a wake or have many there , it’s so sad xx
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Hi, Looby.
I am so glad you have a pet to keep you company. I have two rescue cats who give me a reason to get up in the morning.
I am so pleased you met those nice ladies. I have found that only other widows/widowers really get what it is like to lose the one you chose to spend your life with. They really understand.
Take care and keep up your positive attitude.
Kate
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Hi Scottie10, YOU are so right ! I agree with all what you’ve written…I’m only 5+ months into the loss of my soulmate of 28 years. His sudden unexpected death felt for me as though half of me was instantly ripped away. As you know…no one can see your pain but it’s always a part of you deep inside. I can’t even acknowledge that he’s dead and never going to be seen or heard by anyone not just me and our dog. Good luck trying to find ways to keep going…Pipsi
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I totally understand i keep thinking I wish Chris had just left me for someone else then I would probably hate him and not have this pain of missing him . I’m so glad you posted this as sometimes i think I’m going mad and am so glad someone else has had these thoughts . Thank you x
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Your not alone thinking like this, my wife was from Holland, I sometimes imagine she had left and gone back there to live, to imagine she has gone back home is so much easier than thinking she’s not alive anymore, it’s no disrespect to your loved one, its just so much easier on the mind and your coping mechanism.
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the problem is could you live with that too even though they are still here could you be able walk down the street and be able to see them with someone else knowing you should be the one they were with knowing they are on the holidays you should be having
i asked myself this but i think knowing that they are with someone else is just as painful i couldnt face the thought of that
my daughters husband left her for someone else and the pain she went through caused her to take an over dose luckily she survived it but has never really got over it either
not many people do get back together so it would be just wishing he would come back just like we are doing now wishing it had never happened
we always say nobody know s what you are going through till you go through it yourself i think that goes for being left for soeone else too
thats just my thoughts but everyone is different
take care
pat
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My first husband left me for someone else. . I was in my mid twenties working and had a good social life so I think easier to deal with being on my own. It was a different pain the pain of rejection. It did take me a while to get myself together but your feelings change in time and you realise you don’t want to be with someone who hurt you like that. I got together with mark and had 34 happy years together and I know he would never do anything to hurt me.
This pain is different in the fact that neither of us wanted this and we both still loved each other so much.
Don’t know if this helps. It’s hard to explain xx
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