Hi Shelly, I will look out for your post on Christmas day. I am going to my son’s for Christmas day with them and the grandchildren but though they want me to stay over I have made the decision to come back home and spend Christmas night with just me and Rory puss watching whatever I want on TV which will be Strictly and Call the Midwife (they watch all the netflix stuff) Six months ago I would have jumped at the opportunity to stay with them but I guess nearly 12 months on I am more comfortable with being alone although I never feel really alone with Rory for company. I am turning into crazy old cat lady!!!
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Hi Chris
So good to hear from you and that you have come so far and are now able to enjoy your own company. I only hope I feel the same as you, this time next year.
I am very lonely on my own as loved going out with John for meals and drinks.
Finding it so hard . Completely fed up watching TV and reading in the evening Do get a call from a friend some evenings which makes the time go by until bed which is another challenge to cope with.
I will try to be positive about the future but the hurt never goes away and memories are so sad at the moment.
I do hope you have an enjoyable Christmas day with your family. You deserve it. Your husband would be so proud xx
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We’re all here for you, so you’re not alone.
Nigel xx
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Thinking of you
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I’m having a terrible night tonight. I can’t stop crying and the pain is excruciating. I have to pick up the click and collect shopping tomorrow and my husband and I had a little routine with the shopping. I’m dreading it. I just can’t contemplate a life without him. Nothing means anything to me right now.
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I’m beginning to think that if I haven’t had a good weep during the day then something’s wrong. I tried to do my shopping today but the bus failed to turn up and I got soaked waiting. On the plus side, I’m dry now and I made roast potatoes and lamb. Oh, and the cat got a tin of sardines all to herself cos I’m out of cat food.
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Lucky cat … good on you
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Hi Jean
I so understand as I seem to have Saturdays and Sundays2 like you are having tonight.
I hope you are now feeling a bit better. Crying is a way of relieving your grief and pain so your body and mind can cope with your sad feelings.
You will do the things you need too as we do seem to find the strength from sonewhere .I often feel like giving up and easily could become a recluse as some days cannot even speak to friends.
Please try to think of something else, something you have to do that you are used to doing, not something you did together…Keep in touch, you need to tell us how you feel. I am always here as dont sleep well so just post a message.
Keep going, we will get to a better place in time. Thinking of you Love xx
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Hi all
My thoughts feelings exactly
I’m functioning with difficulty like us all
Don’t want memories I want to make them
I can’t read I can’t watch tv no interest in either
Friends as you say have wained they have a life all have husbands
I have neither …….
Never had a meal to use a knife and fork since Paul died in July and to be fair it was well before then cos Paul wasn’t eating
Survive on a sandwich……… I feel sick deep pain in my tummy …. aloneness don’t sleep
I’m here for anyone who posts
We so need that togetherness of folk who just ‘get it’
Hugs all round
Xx
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Hi @Fran61
I am the opposite. My daughters and I all feel that my husband would not have coped as well without me as I eventually will without him. He would not turn to anyone to express how he felt but would have buried his feelings. Plus he and my younger daughter (with a learning disability) struggled to get on at times so add grief into that mix and I dread to think how they would have been. They loved each other but neither could see the others way of ‘being.’
Richard also loved football and played pool at the pub but all but one or two friendships were fairly superficial and he would not have confided in them about how upset he was. He would even have hidden his tears from our daughters I think. I cry openly - that’s just me and I can’t be any different.
We were an incredibly close and happy couple and I miss him so much, like others have said, it hurts. I do know that I use my love for him to inspire me to do things which need doing and most days I feel that I will cope. Not be happy, but cope.
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Bess
Hugs to you too
We all need them every hour to let us know that we all care about each other
Much love and care to everyone xx
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Thank you @Shelley50 for your kind reply. I am feeling a bit calmer now thank you. These hideous waves of utter despair are so hard and painful. I know everyone on here knows exactly how I feel and this forum is fabulous. I have three very supportive adult children but they are coping with their own grief and they have young families. I’d like to give everyone on here the biggest cuddle because this journey is truly horrific. I’m so very sorry for all your losses x.
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I felt every word you said. I feel like I want to explode at times. I don’t want to put on a brave face anymore, I’m tired of it. Your words have given me the strength to tell my close ones I just want to feel what I’m feeling without judgement just understanding.
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Welcome Sam 05
Me to ……explode is an excellent description of how feelings just outpour
I’m having counselling and she describes it as a Tsunami
We all feel the same here
We listen
We know
We understand
We are living it!
Yes my Paul outwardly would have seen to be be coping …… that’s what men do don’t they
But Paul wouldn’t of coped just like me
Devastated bereft alone numb lifeless useless no meaning to life the lot……
Not even mentioning Christmas etc
Just want to hide ……. Forever
Welcome
Always here folks here ‘get it’
Take care
Xx
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PS
Forgot to say
Don’t pretend your ok
Tell how it is ……. Real friends will (try) to understand
Xx
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Hi Bess,
I don’t know what to say really apart from that I feel the same as everyone on here. I know it is not getting any easier in fact I would say it is getting worse. I have friends who are supportive but they are not around as much as in the beginning so spend a lot of time on my own. It is soul destroying. I’m just so lost and can’t see a way forward. I don’t want to burden my children with how much I’m hurting (although I think they know) as they are dealing with their own grief. You say you survive mostly on a sandwich … similar to me (crisp one yesterday) although I do stick the old ready meal in the oven or microwave. I just can’t believe how much my life has changed in the blink of an eye. Hugs to everyone.X
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I understand completely Pam, lost my husband in November, it was so sudden and unexpected. I’m not coping at all in fact I’m drinking too much alcohol and taking sleeping pills…I’ve never done that in my life, I’m a completely different person, I just cry all the time…
I too have booked to go see my Son who lives in Greece in March, I’m praying being with him will help me…Keep going Pam, even though you don’t think it your post has given me some hope…
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THank you Caz, your post gives some hope. At the moment I feel broken, lonely, scared, and always tearful…So thank you for sharing a piece of hope.
Hi All
I would say reading all the posts we are not alone
It is comforting to know others feel like I do and I haven’t completely lost it
Yet in moments of sheer despair I think I have
We had no children wether the grief would be easier to bare who knows…… Paul always said ‘it is what it is’
Posts do help just to know I’m some kind of normal
Manage stay strong time…… all words thrown at us
Who knows
I only know it’s bloody difficult……. Any couples out there just don’t know what they are in for and I’ve got to say while Paul was here neither did I…….
A big hug to each and everyone of you
Xx
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I do so hope your holiday with your son will help Linda . I went away with my family at Easter to scatter most of my husbands ashes at our special place in Cornwall in view of the bedroom window of the hotel where we spent our honeymoon, As we were doing it my youngest grandson asked if it was really a good idea. I asked him why to which he replied - Well Gramps couldn’t swim!!! I reassured him he had his angel wings to swim with! Family can be such a blessing and I know the grandchildren will keep my spirits up on Christmas day, I also tell myself that I have been lucky having the love of a wonderful man for 48 years. Some people never know that and I would rather be in the position I am now than to never have known that love. Stay strong. xxxx
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