I, like you, am building up to our wedding anniversary. I’ve just gotten through ians birthday. I too am grateful for this site as you know people know exactly how you’re feeling. I take tablets for high blood pressure, and I was thinking how many I would need to take to join Ian and the rest of my family I am missing so much. Then I thought if I didn’t do it right I could be stuck here with organ failure and be in a right predicament then. Then the guilt set in, that I had life when Ian didn’t I was thinking in that way. I just miss him so much. I ask why take Ian when there are all these evil people in this world? Rid the world of them, not good, kind people like our partners. We have each other here thank God. I shall spend our anniversary alone and will try and remember just happy times that day. I’m sure there will be plenty of tears though too. Take care xx
Thank you. My Ian’s birthday is the following month after our wedding anniversary. Because of my beliefs I have to keep plodding on in this unwanted life until I can be reunited with Ian. The potential time I will have to wait really frightens me.
I too ask why my Ian. He was such a good man. My elderly neighbour stopped me on the drive yesterday and burst into tears. She misses Ian so much - he did everything for her and when he died she sent a card reading “simply the best”. I have told her that I will certainly pick-up the jobs that I am able to do, its the least I can do for Ian.
Just wish he was still here with me. Apart from my kids I have no other adult conversations except for a couple of real good friends. The support from other friends and family has just disappeared. What really upsets me is that as they return to their normal lives, Ian will be forgotten.
Hoping lockdown eases so that I can go to one of favourite places on our wedding anniversary. Will be thinking of you as we try to navigate this unwanted journey.
Hi all,
I’m really sorry that I know how all of you feel and that you’re in the early stages of a painful, tearful, horrible, lonely roller-coaster of emotions and unknowns. I am just over 3yrs now and can honestly say it’s not an easy ride, like a few of you I have my 2 children and a couple of fantastic supportive friends, they are the only ones that have kept me going.
At the moment I am trying to prepare myself for what would have been Peter’s 50th birthday on the 15th March and I don’t know how I can mark it in an appropriate, respectable way for him and for us. Every time I start to think about it I end up in floods of tears. It’s so hard as I don’t drive, I live in a village, and with lock down it makes it even harder. I am truly struggling at the moment. Take care all and stay strong you can and will get through this.
i agree with what you say i live in a street crossfield full of shit horrible neighbours a thug next door evil man grey haired old witch wife should take this instead of good honest kind helpful people who are our soul mates partners would like to move away from all this, but cant decide wear take care
I have just spent my first night sleeping on my own up to now one of my daughters has slept with me. I sobbed uncontrollably I just wanted Tim here I am so so broken I can’t see a life without him. It’s my daughters birthday and grandsons first birthday today and I am ashamed to say I don’t feel like even FT them I just feel so very upset Tim is not here. While in hospital he said to me “ I hope I’m home for the 21st”
Tim’s funeral is Friday as it gets nearer I feel more emotional what if you don’t want to say goodbye what if you just want him to come home.
Sorry for your loss. Sleeping alone is awful. I struggle with it. I put 2 pillows down the side where Ian would sleep to make me feel he’s there. Small consolation I know. I know you say you don’t want to FT family but I think a little company will break up your day. I have no family and my friends have dwindled. You find out who your friends are when something like this happens. I shall be thinking of you on Friday. A very difficult day for you all. We are all here for you. Take care Tracey x
I’ve just read your post and cried…I’m so sorry you e lost your husband so young and your children have lost there dad…I didnt realise sepsis ould take someone so fast…my husband got cancer… ery wick 3 months and he was gone…I was with him and our dog 9 weeks in a hospice…I feel so sad for all the people on here who ouldnt be with there loved ones…life is so cruel…thank goodness for this site as I no my emotions …thoughts…anger are normal when I come on here…my thoughts are with you…take care…ann x
I felt the same way with regard to Ian’s funeral. I sent the children out to the car before me and just stood in the bungalow. I placed a photo of me and Ian in my bag and carried it with me. I will be thinking of you on Friday.
Our little grandson brings a rare smile to my face whenever I see him - he is just 14 months. Ian died before our grandson’s first birthday and I understand the emotions this will bring for you today - please try to Facetime.
Michelle53 don’t feel guilty for anything you did your level best to support your husband right to the end and you will continue to carry his memories with you . This journey we are all on is so very painful but we are not alone and this is the perfect place to get tips and advice on how to deal with this pain .
I am almost six months into this journey and I still have lots of robs things about , and what’s wrong with that we will do what we have to do In our own time , there’s no time limit on how long we grieve for , there not right or wrong to grieve either we do it our own way.
Keep chatting don’t be alone we are all in this together and here for one another
Take care Karen x
It’s now 10 weeks since my husband died. When I got up this morning I realised that I just cannot bear yet another day of trying to manage without him. Another day of trying to keep busy, doing pointless things just to make the time pass.Another day of walking to nowhere. Another day of talking to him and just wanting to hear his voice and still not accepting that I never will . Another day of struggling to function and breathe. He was my world and I’m completely broken without him. People assure me that it’s gets easier but I can’t see how you can get back from such despair. Everything has changed too much.
Morning Debbie 55. I think you have absolutely the right idea. I should just have stayed in bed today. Alan, my husband, tried so incredibly hard to live and enjoy every moment despite enduring 7 years of horrible, exhausting treatment for cancer. We were both diagnosed with cancer within a month of each other and since that time supported one another in every way through surgery and treatments .I know that he would be utterly dismayed to see me in this state after going through so much already. But without him to care for my life feels pointless. He gave me the strength to manage. He was everything to me.I might find it easier if I could truly accept that he’s really gone but I just can’t seem to do that. I just don’t want it to be true. He deteriorated over just a few weeks and it was made so much worse by not being allowed, due to Covid restrictions, to spend time with him and when he was in pain and frightened and when he needed me most. In 5 weeks in hospital I was allowed to see him twice for just 30 minutes. It was utterly cruel. We wanted and needed to be together for every single moment we had left together. I will never get over that.
So sorry to hear you are in such a terrible place. It is hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel when all you what is to have them back. I threw myself into cleaning today as I’ve not really moved off the Settee for 3 weeks. I know he would be annoyed with me if I fall apart so I push on . I have my dogs and cats which are a hugh comfort and something to get out of bed for each day . I find comfort in the tv. I just watch it non stop , series after series to try and distract me. I did watch Ricky Gervais series , afterlife . Some might think this is a strange thing to watch at such a time but it is spot on. I cried and laughed every episode. I know he would want me to still be able to laugh. I’m lucky that I can take comfort from his photos and his videos of being silly which make me laugh. I do hope you find a better place , it’s so hard isn’t it to get on with life. Sending love x Wendy
I lost my husband on January 16 suddenly of a brain heamorrhage. Awful, awfully painful is grief. My husband was only 65 married for 33 years. Like you this house is a constant reminder of my husband. Don’t feel guilty for your grief that is your loved one you have just lost. Advice to you, take each day as it comes as you will have different days, not wanting to eat, sleep, crying thinking about all the things that were and could have been. However, if you have loving family around you accept their help. There is bereavement counselling which I am finding helpful. Once my husbands funeral was over things became more quiet, go for walks if you can as I know everything you do without your loved one seems impossible right now. I recommend going with the flow as each day will be different. Hope these few words help.
Juneie
Morning
Andy would go mad if he saw the state off are home and me
But still can’t be bothered to move
I will at some point today
Covid as taken a lot from us all and I will never get over last year
Like many off us on the site
Please take care xx
Hi Bunny88, I understand all your feelings. My hubby passed 26 wks ago now suddenly from sepsis. I take one hour at a time. The hours then turn into a day and I find I’ve made it through another day. It is tremendously difficult and I have to force myself to go out for a walk. Somehow the fresh air is soothing. I imagine the soft touch of the wind is his hand on my face. If I want to hear his voice I play the videos on my phone of him laughing. I miss his laugh and hugs and conversations, I miss everything. I’m a little further down this new road we’ve been forced upon without our partners, and I still can cry at the drop of a hat. Big tsunamis of grief hit me. I cry and let it out, all the time talking to Ian. After that, I get up, make a cuppa, watch TV or go for a walk. Anything to keep my mind busy. The lockdown isn’t helping as we can’t take ourselves to a coffee shop for a change of scenery to people watch. Or meet someone for a chat. It is forcing us to be shut up in the place we were always with that person and they are no longer here and it compounds that fact. Very difficult times on top of grief. My advice to you would be to get through the day an hour at a time. Talk to him, I believe they are around us in spirit and hear us. I’ve also started typing our story. From the moment we first saw each other and I’m going to write down all the wonderful things we’ve done. I find it good therapy writing down my feelings. We’ve just got learn to walk this new road, with all these massive speed bumps we don’t know how to get over yet, but we’ll learn how to cope, because we’ve just got to I guess. We’re always here to if you want to chat or vent or simply just pour out your heart. Take care Tracey x
I’m glad you’re watching it again and it does makes you laugh . It is good to watch and everyone should watch it is and insight as to what it is like to lose someone so close . I love the fact that the dog keeps saving him x
