Hi I never tick the status widow on forms i am married to Mick always will be hate the status widow. Sorry you had a bad night take care
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Good morning Kate I so agree with you I said exactly what you said about renewing our vows I said also why should we do that we hadnât broken any vows since we were married but as I said my grandaughter was so excited what with it being our Golden wedding and the cruise she thought it would be so romantic and of course it was. She was a teenager then and she loved every minute of it she held the ring
so she felt very important. As I have said before I realise how lucky We was to do this. As my lovely Ron would say keep smiling but sometimes it is so hard isnât it. Love and hugs to you all.xxxx
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Good morning Dave I so agree with you I am still married and always will be I have never put the word widow on any forms always tick the married box . When I write any cards to the family or anyone I always say Carol and Ron my Angel in the sky and everyone loves it. I will never just put my name only because I am still with him so his name is always there. Hope you feel a bit better today and talking on here helps you it does me. Love and hugs to you.xxxx
I have never accepted the part of the marriage ceremony that says âTill death do us partâ. Itâs not true. Nothing can ever part us from our loved ones and death is a mere transition. Well, thatâs my view. I believe that this life is a blink of an eye in eternity. Life goes on endlessly and, like love, is never lost. This is not a religious view because I am not religious in the orthodox sense.
One doesnât have to believe. It comes from experience, knowledge and insight.
Take care all. John.
Hi Sheila sorry I forgot to put Carol but I expect you know it is me. Yes I still put my Ronâs name but say my Angel even our family call him Dad our angel or Grandad our angel and I know he would love that. But of course everyone is different and it would upset some people . Xxx Carol xxxx
None of us know what happens after we die. I have had lots of synchronicity and strange things since losing my mother and my husband within 2 years. He is probably still here in spirit, keeping an eye on you. Itâs comforting IMHO.?
I always put From Kim and Mick On cards and always will . Iâm waiting for the response you got why. X
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My wonderful husband died in his sleep, no underlying health issues, aged just 66. We said goodnight, that we loved each other and went to sleep, he didnât wake up. After about 2 weeks I was dropping off to sleep and he leant over the bed, kissed me and said âgoodbye darlingâ, I sat up he was there for a second then gone. Was I dreaming or was it real, I like to think it was his spirit saying goodbye. Itâs nearly three months now and oh how I wish we had the chance to say goodbye.
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I have had a few friends dwindle the last 4 months Mick and my friends of many years I find it strange or they donât know how to react to me anymore itâs sad x
Hello, my husband also died at 4am in his sleep, he was 66 a fitness fanatic, he cycled 27k the day before he died, no
warning signs, no symptoms, he had a heart attack, the shock is beyond anything I can explain. Iâm constantly asking why were there no warning signs, how could someone so fit die like that. No time to prepare or say goodbye. I miss him terribly. Take care everyone.
Hi Carolmae
I am so sorry for you loss, there are many people on this site who have had a simila expeinces to yours,
My husnabd passed away in hospital we knew he was dying. none of us said Goodbye, we did not want to, we took the time to tell eachother how much we loved eachother. as you did every night. there is no sense in the death of our loved ones, we just learn to live with our grief. Xx
Hi Sheila
I can so agree with you. I knew my husband was dying but we never once said goodbye. We hope for a miracle then we show our love for each other. He told me he would still be looking after me and I believe him. There was no need to say goodbye as he is still with me. So many signs prove that.
Pat
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Hi Carolmae
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and can relate to your confusions and questions as to why!!!
I lost my father who was exactly the same as your husband. A keen sportsman all his life who never smoked or touched alcohol who died one night while watching his favourite programme âMatch of the dayâ he had competed that day and was pleased with his performance. My mother was sat beside him and had no idea. I remember her asking the same questions as you and why couldnât she have done something. I was confused as how this could have happened for many years. People died when they was sick not when they was fit and well. But as time moved forward I began to gain a sense of relief that he hadnât suffered and even more appreciated this when I lost my husband. His suffering was unbearable. I nursed him at home single handed to try and give him some dignity but I wouldnât wish what he went through on my worst enemy and found myself even more grateful that my Dad hadnât had to suffer this way.
I know what I am saying is of no comfort to you now but in time you might find some relief from your troubled thoughts and be thankful that your husband was a fit man doing something he enjoyed doing and didnât suffer. Have you photographs of him on his bike. I have photographs of my husband around the house in his shorts, rucksack on back, looking tanned and fit on our many walks (both keen walkers), and this is how I want to remember him.
I can also assure you that you never prepare for losing them. I knew for a long time that the day would come and thought I had prepared myself but it just doesnât turn out like that as there is no preparation for the heartbreak we go through and neither did I say goodbye as there was no need, he is still with me.
xxxx
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Hello, thank you for your message and kind words.
Yes there are pictures of Gary clad in Lycra on his bike racing, in his dinner suit when we went cruising, and in his favourite attire shorts T-shirt sandals and sunglasses, he always wore shorts at the weekends and after work from the first of April until the end of October, it was a real tradition, he hated having to wear a suit for work but I loved seeing him in a white shirt, smart suit and smelling of lovely aftershave when he was working. I miss that lingering smell of aftershave that hung around the bedroom and hall when he went off to work. Sadly he was made redundant last October, he was devastated, as he wanted to work another two years, consequently he spent from October until covid hit sitting at the computer 7/8 hours a day looking for working, contacting people, net working, joining in webinars etc he was determined to get back to work. Then Covid hit, the sun shone, we enjoyed days just the two of us, in the garden reading, long walks across the fields, bbq lunch and the day before he died he finally agreed that maybe as he was 66 he should think about retiring. He worked tirelessly all his working life, and then never lived to reap the rewards and enjoy retirement which I saw as being our special time as our grandchildren would be starting school, no more child care days. We planned to travel during the school term dates. Now nothing, I canât even bear to sit outside in the garden as I feel guilty that Iâm alive and heâs gone.
Hi there. Life can be unbearably unfair at times as I have discovered more so since joining this forum.
I had Brianâs photoâs enlarged and they are all around the house and I also spray his aftershave in our bedroom.
Being keen walkers all our holidays were Rambling or Rock climbing. I can relate to you not wanting to sit outside in the garden, I was exactly the same as this was the last place that Brian and I sat outside together but I am a keen gardener and this year having been more limited with my outside activities I have found a new love for it again, so donât worry it will come back in time. If you enjoyed walking then donât give it up, it really can help. I fortunately have two dogs that I had to get up and walk and with their help I still have that love of walking in the countryside. I take a photo of Brian and tell him where we are. He knows all the tracks as he was a Rambler Walks leader. This week I went to an outside Cafe on our seafront for the first time since losing him and ordered what Brian and I used to have. There was a few tears but I was pleased with myself for managing to do it.
So donât rush yourself, move at your own pace and keep those lovely memories of him. Little by little you will begin to feel like doing these things again.
xx
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Hi Sheila, yes I agree we have lovely memories and our lovely men. Our seafront is very nearby and I walk past that little cafe often but during the past year (its only open in the summer months) I have never been able to sit there as this was something Brian and I enjoyed doing together. This week I made up my mind that I was going to do it again, so with the dogs I managing it. I ordered the same thing we always had and bought the dogs âdoggy sausagesâ and a small bowl of chips (which of course I had to help them with). Tears welled up I must admit.
When I arrived there was no tables so I took us off for a walk and when I returned there was one table empty and it was the one that Brian and I always sat at. In the shade for the dogs. I wonder if he was there saving it for us.
I also always had German Shepherd dogs. 10 of them in all over many years and when I met Brian I had three but when the last one died Brian asked me to have smaller dogs.
Take care
Pat xxx
Yes, GSDâs are lovely, lovely dogs to own. Caring, protective and so easy to train. My last three GSDâs died at the age of nine and I became paranoid when my last dog got to that age. I went to smaller dogs but when my last one died I also said no more I canât go through this heartbreak again. I managed it for a year or so then I found my Beepa (mine and Brian initials) in a dog pound about to be put to sleep as she was deemed not suitable for re-homing. Nonsense, she came home with me and with intensive training she is now the most obedient and lovely dog, I have also cried on her shoulder and she puts her paws around my neck.
The heartbreak will be unbearable when I lose her or Bugsy, but we know all about that.
I know what you mean about the garden but I have managed it this summer. The allotment itâs harder although I can work there but I donât sit under the tree and have lunch anymore as Brian and I did.
Take care of yourself
Pat
Hi
I to find it very hard to settle to anythink, i am an avid book reader, but it is all to much, a magazine can last me a week or more (use to devour them in a day) i to often stop, a bit emrassing when you do it in middle of the supermarket, i have always had a bad sense of direction, and have had many dreams of getting lost, sometimes my husband would come and save me. not sure what will happen now!! i have always had the habbit of starring into the distance, (not sure what i am thinking/seeing) family would say i am a day dreamer, or thers she goes off with the faires again. my husband said it use to worry him and in latter years he said he wished he could just swich off like i do. I miss not being able to read a book, but i guess sometime in the furture i will be able too. Xx
Take care ladies. So many things resonate with me. I have cats rather than dogs but they are helping me. I hope to be able to foster cats next year, I cannot face it this year as Gerry used to do such a lot of it and always wanted the mum with the biggest litter, the last ones we had were a mum with 7, we got them on Boxing Day and they went to their new homes March just before lockdown. He also used to love going round in shorts, football shirts or jeans, although he would be ok to dress smart for his interpreting work. Have kept some of his cologne but canât bear to smell it as it upsets me. He died in his sleep next to me in bed. I only found out afterwards the results of his scan he had cancer of the oesophagus, he thought he may have an ulcer. I think with hindsight perhaps he was in a coma because about an hour before he died one of the cats jumped on the bed next to him, he would usually stroke the cat and talk to him, but he didnât and I just thought he was deeply asleep. About 15 minutes before he died, he put his left hand over my right hand. I told him how much I love him and he usually replied but he didnât, again I thought he must be deeply asleep. Today is my first birthday without him, I got through our wedding anniversary last Thursday so I will get through today. Sounds like we all had wonderful men which is why we miss them so much. Xx
Hi Sheila
I have the same dreams as you or at least very similar. I am trying to find my way home either by finding a bus stop that I canât get to or using a phone box but I can only dial the first couple of digits and then I have to start again, needless to say I never get through before I wake up.
I take it to mean that we are âlostâ and trying to find our own way in life and canât make contact with our loved ones. In another dream I was walking along a track and became lost and trying to find Brian to help me but someone else turned up, someone from my past and without saying a word he directed me. I took this to mean that Brian wasnât going to lead me anywhere again.
Take care
Pat xxx