Yes, another tough day for me too
I’ve had a couple of ok days but dropped down to the reality of how awful my life will be for the next 30+years this morning.
Watching the olympics and sad as my husband loved watching them.
Need to get going but just lost any motivation. I just don’t enjoy anything any more. Everything makes me so sad and I feel so lonely, even though I’m rarely on my own at the moment.
Take care everyone today having a crappy day xx
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Hi there @roni52
It’s impossible to know what each of us are going through as it’s all so unique and intimate. But I can appreciate the grief as I have all the common feelings of sadness losing my wife twice - once through dementia and the she died last separation.
I certainly don’t miss the dementia behaviour but in my wildest dreams I want her back before she was ill, when she knew me and loved me.
It is getting better but I have huge meltdowns when i remember her struggling with speaking, trying to communicate, stuck in a chair after she broke her hip and general confusion about her world.
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Those memories can be so painful yet so lovely its 8 weeks for me on Sunday, i dont work to go out so spend many hrs alone. I wish with all my heart i could turn back time to feel his warm embrace to hear him say everything is going to be ok. Omg does it hurt. Much more than when I lost my first husbsnd who was only 37. Although i loved them both so dearly, i had my mum and dad around and my son was at home. Now its just me. I dont ever think i will get over this, i hate the lonilness. Xxx
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Dear Rose
So sorry you are having a bad day. I don’t think you are being selfish. You are just trying to protect yourself and it’s entirely natural to have those feelings . I do hope your lovely neighbour isn’t going too far and you will be able to visit.
I wonder if your cat is grieving alongside you. It may be picking up on your sadness as I understand they can do that.
Sending you big hugs on another of these horrible days 
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I have read many times the second year is harder ,now I’m into the second year I have to agree but I guess everyone is different.The theory is the shock has worn off harsh reality has kicked in all the administration has been done and people most definitely expect you to be over it all by now.But I don’t think I will ever be over it it’s certainly not getting easier.
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Hi @Dutchman
My dad also had dementia and so completely understand as I also felt I lost him twice.
But he had had a good life and was in his 80s and I find that is so different from losing my husband where I feel completely broken
I’ve been trying to sort out some of the Sadmin as still need to file his tax return and apply for confirmation ( Scottish probate)
I’ve been avoiding it and after searching through documents I can see why. Even a bank statement in his name had me in floods of tears today. Normally I’m not too bad but I’ve been trying to hold it together for my kids but I think I’m struggling to keep up that facade and it’s taking it’s toll.
I was going to apply for a new job as I don’t want to return to my old job but now don’t think I’m ready for that.
I so want to find a way to move forward but every time I try something to give me some momentum I get flattened by my emotions.
I’m going away this weekend to wales to see a concert and am dreading it. The tickets were a Xmas present from my husband and I so want to go - so I will - but I’m thinking the week after will be a right off.
Take care. X
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Hi, im new to this site as my partner took his own life on 1st aug and i was also widowed 7 years ago , i feel your pain and like you i feel the same ,whats the point, i dont want to go home to empty house, eat sleep or even breathe and have had enough of this reacherous life , im in process of planning a 2nd funeral and cant cope. Please beleive your not on your own i am here and im sure there are many other’s here that relate to your pain x
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Lyndak
Its so true what you say the first year is shock and fog heartace but ive also found 2nd year hard when most people expect us to be over it , its 20 months since i found my lovely husband dead at side of our bed and alot of days i still cry for him the life we had but no more , when i meet for coffee with my closest friends they seem to spend most of time talking about plans they got as couples and talking about husbands i just sit with a false smile im happy for them but it hurts so bad if i mention my husband it seems to get dismissed iknow they dont realise but it hurts
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I went through the same after my husbands death i would be sitting listening to others chatting about plans with their partners and familys and all i wanted to do was stand up and scream at them to shut up, in the end i just didnt go and being a carer i would just work more, it is awful and although i met mark i never got over my husbands death and mark always encouraged me to talk about johnny and he even came to his grave with me and yet here i am making arrangements for his funeral…life sucks and iv had enough of it. Xx
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So many people struggling here today.
Life just sucks doesn’t it.
I don’t know what the answer is - I think there isn’t one - but I hope that in time we will all be able to move forward and find a way to live with this awful feeling and the sadness.
The sun has come out so I am going to take my dog out for a walk and listen to yet another grief podcast !!!
It would be comical if it wasn’t so tragic….
Sending some love and a virtual hug to you all. At least we are not alone in our grief.
Xxx
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I have for one will appreciate the virtual hug so than you and enjoy your walk
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For some reason, today has been a nightmare. It’s just 6 weeks since I lost my husband, after almost 10 years of marriage. (our anniversary is 30th August) I know he’s gone - I know he’s not coming back but today all I wanted was to be with him. Tears have flowed like a waterfall. Been trying to sort out his pensions and just got to the point where I couldn’t carry on. I know these things have to be done but I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to run away and hide from all the heartbreak, the tears, the feeling that there’s no point to anything anymore.
We’re interring his ashes tomorrow and it feels like the final goodbye and I can’t stand the thought of it. I loved him so much. We were always together and words can’t describe how much I miss him. 
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It’s 14 months for me and I found him dead in the garden.After such a shock it’s just numbing for a long long time.I don’t like been with people who are in couples,it just makes us feel more alone listening to their plans and stories of the good times they have been having together.I always put a smile on my face and show interest but afterwards when I’m back alone it just makes me feel so sad and lost.I’m luckier than you they all mention Peter and I always talk about him ,how could I not he was in my life for two thirds of it.
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Nicky61 my heart feels your pain and like you i didn’t eat and you just can’t think straight but my son my daughters and grandchildren deserve me to stay strong and my husband would want me to fight.Thinking of you all and sending hugs 
to you all.
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Oh I’m so sorry @Harriet4Bill
You really are still early days. All you are feeling is normal.
I remember thinking I would never get over the wretchedness. Or stop crying.
Gradually I started to realise I was coping
I’m at 23weeks now. And I still cry, but I have had a couple of days where I havent.
I shall always miss my husband terribly. He will be in my heart and in by head forever
I think of him constantly and talk to him often
Please be kind to yourself. This is a dreadful dreadful journey we are on.
Eventually we learn to cope
Sending big big hugs x x
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Thank you.
My neighbour is looking at properties in the area, so hopefully we will stay in contact. She has always been a lovely neighbour and I am very fond of the family.
I believe my cat has hurt his mouth. His lower ‘lip’ looks swollen.
He has tried to eat but stops quite quickly.
He is perkier and a bit more confident.
He loves being out in the summer, day and night.
So I don’t know what has happened, it could even be some kind of insect bite.
He is in this evening, not a happy cat but I need to keep an eye on him.
He has finally settled and is least on the arm of the sofa next to me,
which has annoyed our other cat (still our cats). So 2 peeved cats this evening.
If not better, tomorrow morning then it is more than likely a trip to the vet.
I will be even more in his bad books 
Plus it will be another first taking him to the vets by myself, we always took our cats to the vet together.
So fingers crossed everyone.
Love and hugs,
Rose xx
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Thank you,
I am very fond of my neighbour and her family and really hope they keep in contact.
She has been so very good to me since my husband died.
The cat has perked up but has hurt his mouth.
So I am keeping a close eye on him.
This evening he is on the arm of the sofa next to me, which is better than the
bottom of my wardrobe.
However, the other cat is peeved.
Love and hugs,
Rose xx
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I’m sorry to be back on here and you’re probably all fed up with me going on.
My Bill was all I had. I haven’t got any family of my own - he was my life. I know his son and daughter have been supportive but they’ve got their own lives and families. I know they include me to a point but all I want is my Bill. I was on my own when we got together and now I’m back there. We were married for almost 10 years and I don’t know where that time has gone. I just feel so lost without him. We got our house just how we liked it and now it means nothing - everything is pointless. Plans all gone. Back to the single life and I hate it. Sorry
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My husband died 2 weeks ago. We have. A 13 yr old daughter. He died in the emergency room after going intonsudden cardiac arrest. No goodbyes nothing. He would be the same watching the olympics and all sports . Me and sophie have come away on the family holiday as couldn’t bare to be in the house. I feel guilty hes not here to enjoy the holiday. I am no stranger to grief but feels very different when i loat my mum. We dont have much family in the uk. My husband was from new zealand and i am irish. Aswell as thinking of a lonely future ahead but not having much famoly around is just too much. I yearn for the nights when i eventually sleep and i dont have this heavy feeling sitting on my chest. Miss him so much. Its truly horrendous.
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I am.so sorry for your.loss, i know how you feel as i lost my partner on 1st august.